Confessions of A Writerholic

Another Thought:

In the romance genre, the great writers are the ones who sat down to tell a story that was knocking on the door of their heart.

I am having to force myself to forget the labels that have been put on the romane genre: "light", "dark", "tortured", "dark hero/heroine",etc because it distracts me. It sometimes makes me hesitant to want to try and idea out because it's too "dark" or it's too "light", or it's not "dark/light enough". I really don't think that the aforementioned authors sat down at their desks and planned on writing a dark/light/tortured/witty/blahblahblah story that would gain them instant critical praise and acclaim. They sat down and wrote a book about two characters that needed their story to be told.

I have to remind myself of that whenever I feel the inclination of trying to force my style to fit into a label that has put onto romance novels. A "dark" book/author is no better than a "light" book/author--in fact, I really admire authors who either fall in the "middle" of the two spectrums, or those that can write a "dark" book and follow it up with a "light" book.

I have to remind myself that my voice/style is just that: Mine. Trying to force it to fit into industry labels smothers it, and ends up with me either frustrated because a manuscript isn't going the way I wanted it to go, or ends up with me chucking a premise because I'm either afraid that I don't have the ability to do it, or that it doesn't fit where I want it to fit.

To me, a romance is supposed to be about the hero and heroine of the story braving their interior and exterior to have the privledge of falling in love with each other. Whether they be riding beneath the Texas sky, or waltzing through the ballrooms of London, or sailing the seven seas; the story is supposed to be driven by the characters and not by what the author thinks the characters should be like or should do.

posted by Angie @ 5:56 AM

We have one and only one critical job to do in a first chapter. Establish something at stake for the main character and then throw it into jeopardy. Come up with something at stake. -- Dwight Swain

Premises Plotted: 2 out of 4

I hate characters. I swear.

Ok, so over the past three or four days(when I wasn't plotting the other two premises) I've been sketching out this Egypt-set historical romance. I've always had a thing for Archeology and Egypt,Persia,whatever etc,and I had this montage in my mind of a serio-1940's-comedy looping through my head. Everything's fine and dandy.

So, I'm looking at my hero and his background,etc,etc and I discover that he was double-crossed by a trusted colleague on a dig who destroyed his career and credibility. Yadda Yadda Yadda, his character is done. But then, the next day I thought: "well what if that betraying colleague was a woman?" I leave it at that and go back to my hero and heroine.

But then, today, I wake up and my hero's betrayer starts jabbering with my hero in my head and all of the sudden, my original heroine begins to fade. I really hate when things slip from grasp--an idiotic and weird thing for an artistic person to dislike--so I kept trying to push that other woman away and keep a hold on my original heroine--without any success. And that other woman keeps telling me that this is HER story and that the hero belongs to HER.

I'm begging and pleading and scribbling away at the original premise, trying to keep it how I first envisioned it when it is snatched from my hands by the other heroine and the original hero--who agrees with the other heroine.

And dangit! I hate to admit it, but I like these two together alot better than he and the first heroine. But now, now my second heroine and my hero are being reticent and won't tell me their story...all I can glean from them is that they double cross each other, plan to double cross each other, that they are in Egypt, that they are trying to find a treasure, and that the heroine is plotting to manipulate the murderer of her adopted father.

And I have yet to figure out when this book is going to be set. And on top of that, when I write this thing out(and this one is knudging out the other premises for my attention), I am required to do some extensive research.

But in the end, I do love and enjoy my "job"

posted by Angie @ 5:10 AM

Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

I'm scared, nervous, excited, apprehensive, confident, unsure, on the verge of passing out and jumping for joy at the same time.

Why? Because I have settled on four premises and am in the midst of plotting them out according to Jane's plotting techniques. I have one down, and three to go. Now that I have this "guide" for plotting my MS's, I am going to re-plot my solicited MS according to this, and I am fairly confident that the structure will help me tie my loose ends together.

But it's scary, and it's making me have to follow Anne Lamott's advice about not being afraid to write a shitty first draft.

posted by Angie @ 8:50 PM

Make 'em laugh, make 'em cry, make 'em wait - Dickens

*GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,etc*

With the main Egypt-set HR I am sketching out, I am breaking so many "taboos" *G* My heroine is half Egyptian & half French as opposed to being half English, my hero is an American, and.....one of the groups of villains is English! ROFL (Now I figure out what year/era the story is set. early vs late Victorian)

Some really inspiring news: Jess Michaels just sold to Avon in a two-book deal!

I also found two more upcoming Avon authors: Shana Galen(a personal "heroine" b/c she writes historicals and chick-lit <---my goal), and Shirley Karr (her upcoming book is Hilarious!)

Not that I'm some sort of unofficial Avon cheerleader, it just seems that they are the house that seems to buy the most new Historical Romance authors.

posted by Angie @ 6:48 PM

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong

I've ceased feeling guilty and apologizing for working on developing a number of story kernals at the same time instead of writing; especially taking in the fact that I am now completely rehauling the way I pre-write.

Pages and pages of handwritten sheets of paper are strewn about my family's apartment(I can't even find some of them *G*) from the past week or so that have tons of character info and scene jots,etc,etc. I haven't written so much by hand in years!

My mind is like a honeybee, it flits from one flower(idea) to the next(idea) near constantly--I especially hate it when an entire scene plays itself out in my head just as I am about to fall ASLEEP!--that I am compelled to write things down or my mind will nag me forever!

I've learned to control it somewhat; not allowing an idea that seems better than the current MS I am working on to make me abandon it--but it's a hard task.

Currently, I have character sheets/plotting sheets for two stories; one set in 1890's Venice and the other 1770s West Indies/England. Four other ideas have also been jotted down and I am in the midst of trying to find a suitable plot and hero for a heroine that popped into my head earlier and reworking an idea I had two months ago--and they're both set in Egypt!! I am obsessed with Archeology and Egyptology and I'm trying to find a way to bring it all together.

Further fueling my imagination is a really great book called Daughters of Brittania: The Lives and Times of Diplomats Wives by Katie Hickman. For a second, as I was reading this, I thought about becoming one(because I would love to travel); but then I remembered that I am afraid of possibly getting blown to pieces by a terrorist...yikes!

You know what my problem is? I love history way too much. Too much to the point that since I am always reading history books, I instantly want to write HR's set in the multitude of eras and places and during historical events I've read about.

And belated (public) congratulations to Cece for getting third place in the First Impressions contest, Marguerite for selling her short story to A Hint of Seduction, and crit group partner Janet & Sylvia for being Brava finalists!

posted by Angie @ 4:21 AM

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up -- Edison

I used to be afraid of craft.

A weird thing for a writer to say, but allow me to explain. I know that I have raw, natural talent for writing, I'm not going to dither about and try and feel ashamed for what I know is the truth. I can see scenes and hear dialogue in my head and get it down in a comprehensive manner. I can come up with characters, their conflict, their motivation, blah blah blah, but what I mainly did was superficial stuff of the story.

I wasn't getting to the heart of what makes a really great book.

Now, that was at the beginning of my writing career. Say...May 2003-Oct 2003.

Nov 2003-Jan 2004, I read those books Kathryn Falk had published a while back, readreadread, flipped through a couple books on writing,readreadread,wrotewrotewrote

Yippidedoodah, everything was all gravy.

Feb 2004-May 2004...I was writing, completing stuff,blahblahblah,skimming through craft books cuz "hey, I know how to WRITE!!"

June 2004-breakdown!! Each month(or maybe even every two weeks) I had been pushing myself harder and harder. I used to write 2000 words a day. Then my mind would still be racing so I pushed it to 5000 words a day. Then one day I tried 10,000 words and was able to do it, and so continued to do it.

July/August 2004...hazy days...I wrote a little bit here, a little bit there...blah...until I had a bloody epiphany!! (but not the big one). I immediately checked out all the craft books I could find and devoured them one by one. Barrier One was down. I wasn't so talented that I didn't need to see the basic structure of storytelling. I then realized that whole mantra "once you know the rules, then you can break them" finally made sense to me! It was liberating and I was refreshed! Renewed!!

Late August 2004/early Sept 2004...breakdown! I had writer's apathy very BAD. Not even getting a solicitation for a partial from a published dragged me out. Until someone slapped me out of it with some wise words(Thanks Brooke!) And that incident was gathering and forming for my most recent epiphany(found out thanks to my Mom)

I was afraid of craft books(which I deemed would ruin my "natural creativity" because of all those rules) because I had a fear of success. Which completely blew my mind because I kind of don't have a fear of failure. Recieving rejections from simple queries didn't faze me and the thought of sending out partials/MS's and getting rejections from those didn't faze me.

But what I was so afraid of was the chance that someone would like my work, they would buy it and that I'd be published, therefore creating pressure on me to keep doing good.

It's something left over from my childhood. I can look back on my school years and know that I could have done alot better than I did. I could have been a straight A student if I had applied myself. I could have gotten scholarships based on academics and maybe even sports if I had tried harder.

But I didn't because allthroughout life, I'd been rejected. Classmates, teachers, family. And because I'd been rejection so much, whenever someone gave me a compliment on myself or mainly, something I accomplished, I would clam up because a) it brought me to other's attention for them to possibly make fun of me b) it meant that I would have pressure on me to do even better the next time, and then possibly be praised once more and have attention called to myself.

So I settled. I got good grades and good enough grades, but I could have gotten excellent grades if I hadn't been so afraid of ostrasization(sp,whatever!) and rejection.

And so I was subconciously sabotuaging myself by not paying attention to craft,etc so that I wouldn't sell and stand out before my (writing)peers. Yeah, people would be happy for me, I know, but then I'd have the pressure before them of selling well, getting good reviews, writing a better second book,etc, and then possibly dealing with peers that didn't like me b/c I had accomplished something that they wanted.

But when my Mom told me that the reason why I didn't submit things was because I might have fear of success, I had a revelation. And then I took this quiz to see whether it was true.

I got 9 out of 13...*g*

That fear was getting in the way of me not only paying attention to craft, but to relying on the superficial to pave my way through writing. I've always been drawn to premises and characters that are outside of the "norm" whether in reading or writing, and yet my fear was somewhat holding me back from writing my stories that way.

Today, I got online and began to slogging through all of the back digests in Jane's stupendous plotting group so that I could go back and jot down notes on everything that I had skimmed over during my Fear Days.

And OMG, I am so thankful that I did. Not only has it helped me to really dig into my characters, but it has also helped me with my plotting.

I'm not afraid to admit that I had my characters, their premise, the setting, and that's it. I was a bit afraid to even add secondary characters because that meant stepping outside of my comfort zone and exploring things. Also my POV was strictly H/H when I realized that alot of my favorite authors have used other character's POV's to make their "world" more colorful and complete. Pretty dumb for someone who wanted to emulate that.

So I'm standing at a fork in the road, staring at one path; which leads to my old thought pattern and then at the other, which will allow me to go a new way, and continue to seek the goal of writing outside of the box. I do think I'll take the latter. >.)

posted by Angie @ 8:58 PM

Act as if it were impossible to fail -- Dorothea Brande

I'm going to post so that Sylvia won't be all by her lonesome. *g*

But...I did it. I took the plunge and am now reading Judith Ivory's Beast. I realized that I was psyching myself out when it came to writing Beauty at Midnight(now changed to The Venetian Rose,more about that later) by having it lying about, unread, an making me utterly nervous. And the crazy thing is, is that once I put BAM aside for the present, I lost all interest in reading Beast until today(well,yesterday that is). I'm weird. It's official.

But anyways, I realized what the bloody hell was stalling BAM: the setting, the time period and the characters. The premise was good, but the aforementioned things were ALL WRONG! In fact, the premise has been muddled considerably. But now, it's set in 1890's Venice--still a take on Beauty and the Beast and the classic gothic plot of a husband being accused of murdering his wife--but the characters are coming to me more clearer and more defined, as well as what is possibly going to happen in this book.

Before, I had a tinky inkling, but not really and things kept stalling. But I like this new version, but I'm making myself focus on finishing my requested MS and THEN work on The Venetian Rose.

I do have a gripe though: No cable.

No cable meaning: no MTV, no fashion week/Style Network, no news, no CIVILIZATION!! *g*

posted by Angie @ 1:00 AM

Fear begins to melt when you take action toward a goal you really want -- Robert G. Allen

Once again, thank God for critique partners!

My energy and creativity and enthusiasm is boundless, but if I didn't have such wonderful people there to stuff my work back into the box(craftwise) I swear, my work would be all over the page.

Not that it's incoherent ramblings,etc, but I suck at grammar sometimes and other times, my mind runs at lightning speed before my fingers and I don't realize that a few sentences may miss some words or the ideas aren't completed.

And so, right now, I'm tackling critiques and edits of my partial as well as writing out my synopsis--which is even harder than usual because I decided to write it in first person like the MS.

But to tell you the truth, even though I would be estatic to sell this MS to the house that solicited it, I am actually anxiously awaiting my first, "real" straight-from-the-editor's-mouth rejection. Is that weird?

The way I feel about rejections right now(not that I want tons of them) is like an anxious catcher crouching behind the batter, squinting at the pitcher, just waiting for the batter to miss the ball. I want to catch that rejection so I can see what an editor sees in my work and what they think about it.

I haven't entered any contests because they cost too damn much for my slender resources, but if I could, I'd enter in a heartbeat.

Because sometimes, you want/need someone who is even more removed from you than a critique partner is to view your work.

posted by Angie @ 12:08 AM

If you aren't failing now and again, it's a sign that you're playing it safe -- Woody Allen

In the words of Bridget Jones: "Hurrah!"

I zipped along and typed up the second chapter of my very first proposal and I amazed and a bit crazed at the fact that I was able to write this with no hassle because I was harried over another MS. Bizarre!

But I just realized something about myself: I am very easily distracted. By email. By the internet. By books.

Because I am this osmosis type of learner as well as possessing this sometimes annoying photographic & audio memory, things tend to intrude on my writing, making me worry and doubt myself to the point where I think that I suck. Monumentally.

So, I have pledged--no truly, this time--to cut back drastically on the amount of time I spend online. Blogging. Email. Surfing. SNIP SNIP SNIP (as Andy Dick would say).

I recall reading an old AAR interview with Susan Wiggs and she says that she doesn't allow anyone to see her first drafts until she is completely finished. I think that's a good thing because I know that I tend to frazzle at the nerves when I start sending things out there that are not finished to their entirety.

AND, I realized why I was stressing myself out--and sometimes, I am such an airhead. I was bloody stressed because I kept having all of these little ideas catch fire and for some reason, I was under the impression that if I didn't write them, the world would end. Quite Dumb, no?

I had this epiphany, that while it is so simple and practical, if one isn't a worrywart like I am, would have occured a long time ago: focus on one or two projects to finish the year off.

Whoot! Instant stress reliever. Like a bar of chocolate it was too.

But now, I am off to neverneverland so I can fall asleep before my mind tells me that this is a fluke. :)

posted by Angie @ 1:51 AM

Well, am now entirely obsessed with Bridget Jones's Diary & Bridget Jones & the Edge of Reason, and can see why chick-lit took off. I read both of them over the course of the weekend(well, the first one started off rather slow, so I put it down to read Devil Takes A Bride by Gaelen Foley--which was one of those books where there's alot in the mix, and yet it folded together nicely. I can compare it to Joanna Lindsey's latest A Loving Scoundrel, except, that while I really enjoyed that book, there were too many noodles in the pot that were solved at the oddest times--plus the fact that the back cover blurb was not the main plot.) and I adore them! I just put the movie on hold at my library...and won't get it for 8 weeks! Might as well go to the frickin Hollywood Video up the street!

But what has really stood out at me with these books is that Colin Firth and his role in A&E's Pride and Predjudice(alot) and Hugh Grant is mentioned in the first one--and Colin Firth actually has a "role" in the second book--but Hugh Grant and Colin Firth play Daniel Cleave and Mark Darcy respectively. That is so odd and I wonder how the movie pulls it off......I am beginning to think that I am the only person who doesn't find Colin Firth the least bit attractive. To me, he's just...there. Like a sack of potatoes. Hmm..maybe I need to see this P&P movie to remove my immunity to his "charms"?

I also read Christina Dodd's Some Enchanted Evening. It was a cute, fun book, but I have a gripe over the fact that the title is COMPLETELY misleading. Here I am, thinking that there is going to be this dazzling evening scene(perhaps some dancing, some kissing,whatever!) but nooo, there's not and my fab-40's/Old-Hollywood montage was burst like a bubble! Gah! While this book isn't a keeper, the last line caused me to be VERY intruiged by the next book in the series--which was La Dodd's intention, damn her eyes! LoL

posted by Angie @ 7:05 AM

I'm not at the "if you can't beat em, join em" stage(God no, I hope I never will be) but, I've thought about it: instead of complaining about the dearth of Regency Historicals, I could do something to change the scope of the genre by setting books around the Napoleonic/Peninsular Wars. Ever since I finished reading a bio of Empress Josephine and then recalling how much I enjoyed Red,Red Rose by Marjorie Farrell, The Spy's Bride by Nita Abrahms and Violet by Jane Feather(as well as reading an exerpt from Samantha Saxon's website, I've had this fascination not only with France during the Empire era, but with those nameless,face-less and near story-less soldiers and spys and envoys during the Napoleonic Wars--as well as the regular people that lived in the war-torn countries.

Forget those Regency Duke/Earl/etc spies that never leave London or England, I want the real deal: the double crossing, moral ambiguity,the romance,the action, drama and danger of it all. I have a kernal of an idea that will be set in Spain, but this hasn't completely pulled me out of my Writer's Apathy.

But now I feel like a mother abandoning her children by pushing Beauty At Midnight to the side for the moment. It was going good, I have nearly 10 chapters completed, but I just...lost my enthusiasm for the project and just thinking about writing something more is like...squeezing water from a rock. So, that is going to be set aside, and I am not even going to THINK of writing while I immerse myself in Napoleonic literature/history. Hey, I may even pick up my long neglected and dusty copy of War and Peace...

But anyways! Blogging with come at a trickle rate because it is distracting and it also is...writing!!! But I'll still read everyone else's blogs and my email, so I won't feel entirely out of the loop. Yikes...2004 is 3 months away from ending!

posted by Angie @ 7:29 PM

3 am:Chick-lit binge for the past two days. As I've been reading them, it's caused me to realize that my wit has dulled considerably by writing straight, historical romances. Yeah, yeah, dialogue is fun and I can write it, but being set pre-20th century, I can't let my snarkiness out at full force. But, with the combo of reading chick-lit & finding people to talk(ie; verbally spar) with, it has sharpened back to its normal, biting shape.

Anyways, here's what I've read:

Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro
Jemima J by Jane Green
Undead and Unwed by MaryJanice Davidson
Goddess for Hire by Sonia Singh
32AA by Michelle Cunnah
Maneater by Gigi Levangie Grazer


Maneater, Jemima J & Goddess for Hire were my faves.

At the moment, I am tackling Bridget Jones' Diary and Vanity Fair--because I want to read them before I see the movies.

Anyways, on the writing front....Flatline! No inspiration, no enthusiasm, no nothing...I've got ideas and can sketch them out, but when I think of the entire scope of the project it bores me to tears. Maybe I need a change of scenery? I have no idea, I just know for a fact that my MS has stalled and that I have no inclination of wanting to read the short stack of HR's that came with the chicklit.

I don't know, maybe it's backlash from the constant round the clock working I've been putting in for over a year? I mean, because since I made the decision to write for a living late last year, I have rarely spent a day on the computer where I wasn't writing at least 10-15 pages a day, completing MS's that I know will never see the light of day and having dreams of doing something..."BIGGER" than what is out there now...I just have this overwhelming need to stir things up, but the darn things refuse to be shaken, and I'm left with brilliant(to me, of course) ideas that everyone else gives me the eyebrow(you know, that eyebrow that is like..."I don't think so") about.

Gah!! I think I need to find an outlet for the excess energy that won't allow itself to be focused onto writing.

Bad News though, considering the would-be great news I recieved on the 1st...ha!

posted by Angie @ 3:15 AM