Confessions of A Writerholic

2005-02-24T12:25:00.002-08:00

http://evangelinekelly.blogspot.com

Go there to see my new blog. If you like me, you'll probably go; if you hate my guts, you'll probably go to make snarky comments about me. But either way, go if you feel like it.

2005-02-24T12:25:00.001-08:00

2005-02-24T12:25:00.000-08:00

2004-11-23T11:16:00.000-08:00

As freedom's sower in the wasteland
Before the morning star I went;
From hand immaculate and chastened
Into the grooves of prisonment
Flinging the vital seed I wandered--
But it was time and toiling squandered,
Benevolent designs misspent...
Pushkin, 1823

I'm feeling a bit at loose ends now that I've been cut loose from my haven of support. Once again, I am taking a break from this blogging thing. It's a place to vent my frustrations, but it's becoming frustrating to even vent about my frustrations because of lack of support. I'm at an impass that I am eager to approach, and yet am not so eager to approach due to the fact that for the past year and a half, I've never been completely ALONE with this writing thing. I started writing seriously, then I immediately found writing groups, then I found reading groups, then slowly but surely, I found particular writers to converse with.

But now that I am 100% alone, it's a singularly novel and somewhat ironic experience considering the fact that I've always been somewhat of an independent sort of person. It's with a mixture of guilt, resentment, relief and trepidation that I face this new horizon. I appreciate the things and words various people have given me. It's not so much of a fact that I'm going to ignore others, or pretend that I don't need them, or to dart back and forth with others when I do need them and ignore them when I don't--though I've recieved that sort of treatment from a few writers--but that I need to do this alone in order to prepare myself for myself. I've gotten into unwise habit of depending on others to assist me with develping my writer's mentality and personality, and when I do sell, it can't continue--what if I have deadlines, but because no one is there to bolster me verbally or with emotional support, I can't get into the "mood" to write?

I appreciate all of my writing acquaintances and the various support they've given me, but I'm one of those persons who can fall into bad habits concerning people, and before I become a published author, I need to get rid of them. I'm not disappearing 100%--there's always email and various message boards--but this public forum, with its own expectations and emotional upheavals is going on a vacation. As I'm writing this, I can feel that dependent pull upon my person; that pull of wanting to be a part of a crowd, of wanting to be a part of something because I've never truly had acquaintances that "got" me, to continue to blog because it's a means of making me feel as though I am somehow important in this scheme of things.

But I am important regardless of whether I have one to a million people reading and responding to my blogs and various insights. This has all been a great learning experience, and one that I am still learning. I wish everyone that read this blog and commented on it the best of luck whether it takes them a year to four years or more to sell--I still have your back. Feel free to email me about whatever, whenever, wherever. I enjoyed this, and I might do it again when I sell.

2004-11-19T16:24:00.000-08:00

In hopes of fame and bliss to come
I gaze ahead with resolution
The dawn of Peter's sun was glum
With turmoil and with execution

~Pushkin, Stanzas 1826

I'm writing for NY, but I'm also writing for me. I've found that I can't do one without the other. Attempting to write for NY dampens my creativity and enthusiasm. Attempting to write for myself always leaves me feeling as though I'm missing something and missing out on something--and I start to look at the market again anyways. I think I've found out the meaning of when someone says to write the book of your heart=it's a combination of writing what you want, and finding a correctly fitting slot to fit it into the NY publishing keyhole.

At the moment, I'm in the midst of plotting and planning a historical romance set in 1904 England that's a mixture of Beauty and the Beast and Taming of the Shrew with a large dash of The Buccaneers in it. It's really wonderful and I can't wait to start actually writing it.

Congrats to Sylvia for her award winning manuscripts! I had the priviledge of perusing some of her chapters and they were engaging and lively. She deserves all of the accolades she's been recieving.

2004-11-14T22:28:00.000-08:00

Listen, maiden!
- She is not listening -
It's broad daylight! In a town!
Near you there's no living soul.
What are you grasping at all around?
Whom are you calling, whom are you greeting?
- She does not listen. -

~Adam Mickiewicz, Romanticism (1821)

I just hate it when I have two awesome protagonists, but I can't find their story. I'm thinking that I should discover the theme of the story to discover what I am trying to prove within the plot. I'm a little scared because this book is going to be a departure for me because it has plenty of action, adventure, humor and sensualness, and I don't want to mess it up. One thing I do know is that I'm going to be either adapting or skewering popular fairy tales as the basis of this book, and the other books that could possibly follow it.

I bought Mercedes Lackey's "The Fairy Godmother"because the title popped out at me when I was browsing Wal-Mart's book section. I don't normally read fantasy--in fact, never read it--but as part of my new writing goals for myself I am going to begin to read books outside of the genre(yet that still have a strong romance subplot), and I'm starting with this one. I did notice that Lackey has also written some fairy-tale-ish books set in the Edwardian era. Score! *G*

2004-11-14T08:14:00.000-08:00

If I walk the noisy streets,
Or enter a many thronged church,
Or sit among the wild young generation,
I give way to my thoughts.

~Pushkin, Thoughts

As Buffy says "Live In The Now". And even though she was referring to a vampire's horrendous taste in fashion, that line stuck with me; usually to be whipped out when entertaining(or torturing,depending on whom you ask *g*) my family with my memory of tons of quotes from that show. It's meaning didn't become real to me until just recently.

Live in the now. That is, live for today. It's great to have goals for the future, or even the nearby future, but it became a snowball effect because I didn't make goals for NOW. I made goals for two months from now, goals for a year from now, goals for five years from now, but little old today? Nope.

It was painful and gutwrenching, but I put aside those future goals and made a list of goals that could be done every single day; one day at a time.

I think that as an unpublished author, even though we may be past the bloom of the "first youth" of writing continues to get caught up in time. Like "once I finished this manuscript and edit it, I can send it out to an agent/editor to have something out there, circulating(or because everyone else is doing it) a few [insert time] ahead of schedule!" or "I just found out that it's going to take me [insert time of months/days/years] to complete this MS!!" or "Editing/Revising this MS is getting tedious!" and other things like that.

Being unpublished(w/o a job) gave me PLENTY of time to do whatever I want, whether that included chucking aside a manuscript because it was taking too long, chucking aside a story idea because it wasn't germenating into a premise,theme and 3-D characters fast enough, pounding away at the keyboards every day to meet daily word count deadlines regardless of whether it was any good or not--or whether it had anything to do with the plot and/or advanced the character arcs--, or speeding through the editing procress because "Jane Doe Writer says that she can edit and write her books in XX amount of time" or "Author X has a new release! The months are passing by too quickly!",etc.

Now that I have a job and mucho time constraints, it forced me to step back "whoa, whoa, whoa!" and see the bad habits and thought patterns I was forming for myself. I didn't know it, but I was sabotauging myself. Not only by my constant "rubber-necking" of other authors, but because of the tiny little, evil, devious, very-well-hidden factor of setting really high goals, so that if I failed, I could taunt myself with the failure and justify why I wasn't published and why I would never be published.

But I'm over that now, and I've not only set daily goals, but goals to improve my prose, goals that will help me learn how to create 3-D characters and themes/premises, goals that will help me become a better writer and a person outside of writing.

2004-11-09T18:22:00.000-08:00

The storm wind covers the sky
Whirling the fleecy snow drifts,
Now it howls like a wolf,
Now it is crying, like a lost child,
Now rustling the decayed thatch
On our tumbledown roof,
Now, like a delayed traveller,
Knocking on our window pane.
~Winter Evening by Pushkin

I think the real reason why I am having so much trouble settling on an idea to develop, or even to sit down and write is partially to do with my earlier post about my "nemesis".

I am drawn to setting my historical romances in exotic settings and/or with less than "romancy" heroes and heroines at times, but then my imagination is at war with wanting to succeed at writing for an NY publisher--a totally different ballgame than writing for yourself, or even a small press--and even attaining a measure of success.

I want to sell to my targeted NY publisher/editor, but I am afraid that if I compromise on plots that interest me in lieu of writing something more "marketable", I might be stuck writing that way for the remainder of my career. But then, when I try to make something fit within the High Concept idea, I lose my passion for it and I sink back down into worry and fretting.

What's worse is when there are those occasional breakout authors who do something different and great and becoming moderatly successful; and yet publishers still take the easy way out with everyone else. I've begun to not believe the old adage "once you become super successful, you'll be able to write anything you want to" because as I troll about AAR's message boards from time to time, I realize that readers expect certain things from authors once they've been reading them for a while. Sure, there may be some long time readers who are delighted with the different product their favorite author may present, but the majority are disappointed and baffled at the change. (Though, I'd rather have everyone talking about me than not at all. *G*).

So, as the title says, I'm working on juggling my integrity, creativity and compromise in order to write the best darn manuscript I can and hopefully obtain my targeted literary agent who hopefully sells it to my targeted publisher.

Quotes

PS: Have you noticed yet that the Victorian is the new Regency? I'll bet that within a few years, this fickle, fickle romance world will be bemoaning the outpouring of Victorian set historicals. *GGG*

2004-11-05T20:29:00.000-08:00

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.--Oscar Wilde

The Wal-Mart Chronicles. Experience It. Live It.

I'm not writing. [insert mournful groans here]. I'm truely and really taking a breather this time. All I'm doing is reading, researching my new time period, and writing snatches of monologues. The end of 2004 is going to be a time of reflection and preparation for 2005. This time last year, I was just joining my writing groups and getting serious about writing, but I still hadn't reached the insights I'd just discovered this past summer. But I see everything as a learning experience--especially terrible manuscripts.

The one thing that has changed is that I am slightly,ever so slightly, cynical about this business. Watching some very surprising career leaps and some not so surprising leaps, I've come to realize that this is not truly a business dedicated to excellent writing. It's all about hooking readers and branding authors. I'm not naming names, but I shall use my personal "nemesis", Author X as an example.

Author X is my "nemesis" because their career leap was such a fluke. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was envious at first; but then it mellowed to extreme competitiveness; even though Author X is very much a published author, and then the fact that we don't even know each other.

(I personally think that having a so-called "nemesis" is such a good thing--it keeps you on your toes and gives you something to strive for and beyond. Think of it this way: remember that girl in your class? The one who knew all of the answers and was soooo smug about it? You remember how you wanted to beat her so badly that you studied even harder to get better grades than she, even though really, you could care less about her--it's just that competing against someone made you feel exhilarated. That's how I feel. Because basically, once you sell, whether you're friends with your own Author X or not, you're in competition. But since we're women, we're not supposed to be competetive. *GGG*)

I don't know, but I'm a bit psychic, and I predicted Author X's career leap--in fact, I had a feeling that Sabrina Jefferies would make NYT best-seller status with "Married to the Viscount", as weird as it sounds--but I was still astounded and envious of it when it happened. Why? Because, Author X's books read like first or second drafts! I'm not a perfect writer, but I can honestly and unarrogantly say that I am a better writer than Author X. So I did a little digging to discover the dynamics to Author X's quick success. Here's what I discovered:

1) Author X's book happened to be released in a month that saw a whole bunch of new or under the radar author releases, with only two major best-selling author releases out. So basically, the consumer pocketbook was up for grabs after those two best-seller's books were purchased.

2) Author X's first book had an awesomely beautiful cover that would grab everyone's attention. Heck, before Author X became my nemesis, the cover grabbed me and made me buy their book.

3) Author X's book had a very large and very compelling hook--regardless of what was inside.

4) Author X's first three chapters were very sparkling and animated.

5) Author X's second book had an extra eye-catching title and cover and back cover blurb.

6) Author X is published by a major publisher well known for publishing their type of books.

7) Author X launched a very good marketing campaign to get consumers to buy their second book. (Heck, I was hooked by it too!)

Even though it doesn't sound like it to the discerning ear, I'm not bitter, nor am I snacking on sour grapes. In fact, ignoring my previous investigation, I'm happy for Author X's career reaching what they obviously strived for. In fact, regardless of whether I like an author's books or not, I respect them for having gotten published, a mean feat in itself, and for attaining the success that only a few obtain. Of course, I shall be shooting to attain that measure of success, but in it's own time. I'm in no rush to become harried by publisher deadlines, and whatnot. I'm finally allowing myself to enjoy the fruits of being unpublished.

2004-11-02T22:27:00.000-08:00

Chere Jane gave me some encouraging words earlier, and Marguerite helped me out too, so thank you, thank you, thank you.

So I was watching Veronica Mars, and I got a flash of insight on the characterization of a heroine of one of my WIP's. I'm still trying to mesh this new insight with her old one and the original plot, but this was one of the missing links. I still have a few more left, but I'm calm, confident and relaxed about this now. No more stressing and rushing this writing thing. All good things come with time, is how I see it. Making myself anxious about things always makes me produce mediocre work, so "stop that!" (that's me rapping myself on the wrist. LOL).

But, I also really enthused now because all of the books I ordered from the library have arrived and I can go pick them up tommorow! All of my Edwardian research books(well...technically research for the 1890's, because apparently, the Edwardian age truly started a decade before 1901, when Queen Victoria was really old and turned into a really big recluse.) and Pam Rosenthal's books and a Julia Ross book--an author I've been dying to get my hands on because of the great things I've heard.

I just hope my osmosis doesn't kick in. *G*

2004-11-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

I have outlasted all desire,
My dreams and I have grown apart;
My grief alone is left entire,
The gleanings of an empty heart.
The storms of ruthless dispensation
Have struck my flowery garland numb-
I live in lonely desolation
And wonder when my end will come.
Thus on a naked tree-limb, blasted
By tardy winter's whistling chill,
A single leaf which has outlasted
Its season will be trembling still.

Alexander Pushkin
1821

I am at the highest pinnacle of frustration. You know, that point where you just want to throw a tantrum because you just can't seem to care. *G* It is a conspiracy that once my personal and everyday life gets on track, I fall off of the tracks with my writing.

I took a three week hiatus from writing anything except for job resumes and writing prompts, and now that I'm in the mood for writing, I freeze up and feel inadequate when trying to make my characters come alive and plotting. I have the premises sitting right here, right in front of me, but everytime I look at them and think about the work that goes into creating a wonderful book, I start zoning out!

I've also been in a horrible reading mode. I know it's partially because I really want Adele Ashworth's new book, and that highly anticipation state ruins me somewhat for other books, but I feel like snoozing at the thought of reading anything out there that I haven't already been anticipating.

I don't know, I'm somewhat bummed about this writing thing. I don't think that my writing sucks, I just think that I am eternally hopeless with getting to the writing and I will always be that way. Gah!

On the bright side, a side that shows some sort of hope, Sasha finaled in Tawny Taylor's Some Like It Hot! contest. Go Sasha!

2004-11-01T19:36:00.000-08:00

Yay! I'm back.

I'm such a sucker. Right now, I'm dissatisfied because now that I have two fairly strong premises that I am dying to work on, my mind can't come up with it's usual flash inspirations to distract me. I am so weird.

But anyways, I have a historical romance and an action/adventure chick-lit that I am going to be seriously developing for the next year. 2005 is my target year. I really want to sell either, or both stories next year, but while I would be disappointed if I didn't, I'm not going to stress about it. Because stressing about it will only make me anxious and my work won't be my best if I try and force it.

But, in case you forgot why I was gone, I got a job. Now, I sell jewelry. I'm mainly happy--besides the money thing--that I now know how to work a cash register! FINALLY. At all of my other jobs, my former managers were all blah-blah about training me, and now I can finally work one. I'm estactic. *G*

I feel all left out now. Everyone who is everyone(haha, we author bloggers have like, a Hollywood type atmosphere going on) is involved in NaWriMo(that is what it is, right?). But I'm not, because I'm in heavy plotting and research mode for my historical.

And now that I notice it, why is it that I like my heroes and/or heroines to be thieves? It is a poor person's thing? Or what? *G*!

2004-10-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

Life's a show and we all play our parts
And when the music starts
We open up our hearts
It's all right, if some things come out wrong
We'll sing a happy song
And you can sing along

~Buffy, Something To Sing About

Okay, I'm 85% certain this will be my last post for the month of October.

Why?

1) I'm finally getting a J-O-B! And I have some writing responsibilities I need to take care of.

2) I finally wrote down a list of goals(6 mos,1 yr, 5 yr,s 10 yrs) because I realized that just having them inside of my brain wasn't helping. So, I'm cracking down on this writing thing.

3) I'm going to immerse myself in this particular WIP. No pussyfootin' around like I used to do, no procrastinating, no excuses. Write, write, write. Revise,revise,revise. Regardless of whether this particular manuscript is "The One".

4) I have a goal that by this time next year, once again, regardless of whether I've sold to any of my targeted publishing houses, I will have at least 3 full length historical romances and 2 full length chick-lit novels done, finito, finis, finished.

And in the honor of one of my favorite cooking shows: Ready, Set, Write.

2004-10-19T18:36:00.000-07:00

The artist who this viol wrought
To echo all harmonious thought,
Fell'd a tree, while on the steep
The woods were in their winter sleep,
Rock'd in that repose divine
On the wind-swept Apennine;
And dreaming, some of autumn past,
And some of spring approaching fast,
And some of April buds and showers,
And some of songs in July bowers,
And all of love; and so this tree,—
Oh that such our death may be!—

~Percy Bysshe Shelley

Score! I found some of Aphra Behn's work online. I've been looking for her plays, poems and novels ever since I read a biography on her(practically the only non-biased,recently published biography of the woman) a few months ago.

I'm sick. I hate being sick. It's rainy and gloomy in Sacramento and I hate it. I loved Virginia rain because at least it thundered and lighteninged. And it didn't rain there in lieu of snow. Here, it rains in the winter and it rains in lieu of snowing. I'm still pissed off over the fact that the year I left Virginia, they had a white Christmas--something I'd been dying to have all of my life. It's a conspiracy, I tell you.

I've been thinking about career goals and plans due to some talk on blogs. And while I do have personal goals, I also have authors who are unofficial career mentors to me, whether I read them or not.

1) Eloisa James -- Her first book deal was sold at auction, it was a three book hardcover deal--something very rare for a new author--and it gained the notice of People magazine
(It's a long shot, but selling at auction is a goal of mine that I am beginning to work towards.)

2) Teresa Medeiros, Lisa Gardner, Jennifer Blake and Lisa Kleypas -- all of them sold at young ages and have been very successful and prolific.
(I want to sell young. Not for bragging rights; but for personal achievement because I figured out what I wanted to do at a young age, went after it and attained it.)

3) Judith Ivory -- is well known for her vivid, well-drawn characters.
(I want my characters to always be rememberable whether their story was or not.)

4) Jane Feather & Roberta Gellis -- are very well known for their rich, lush and very correct historical background
(I'm a lover of history and I hope to convey this in all of my books whether they been romances or fiction/mystery/suspense with a romance subplot)

5) Libba Bray & Ann Rinaldi -- The former; a YA historical/fantasy novelist who wrote what she wanted and sold it. The latter; YA historical author who opened American history up for me when I was a pre-teen/teenager.
(I want to write YA historicals with or without any other element because I want kids to appreciate history as much as I have, and to entertain them along the way.)

Who are your "career mentors" and/or what are your career goals?

2004-10-18T17:21:00.000-07:00

"Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First, I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday. Now I have to read some computer book. There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers to replace books?" -- Cordelia

Procrastinating a bit on writing my synopsis/outline as I'm listening to BTVS musical soundtrack and think that they should bring that musical episode to the stage--I'd see it everyday.(I'm a nut over Buffy the Vampire Slayer; if you knew me in real life, you'd think I was crazy in the way that I can pop out a quotation if I see something relevant to it. *GGG*).

"Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married" is one of the best books I have ever read. I think it's better than "Sushi For Beginners". I am so envious of Marian Keyes because she is such a good writer! LSIGM made me laugh myself to death, it made me cry and it made me re-read it immediately after I was finished. I'd catagorize it as chick-lit/women's fiction. In the midst of Lucy trying to find the man a psychic said she was going to marry, she deals with the discovery that her beloved father is an alcoholic, that she has always dated broke, slimeball alcoholic men because she saw them as a way to fix what she couldn't with her father; there are super-duper hilarious blind dates, roomates from hell, crazy co-workers, a horrid boss and Daniel, her male best friend who is a player and has been in love with her forever. I really love this book because Lucy could have been me if my parents hadn't gotten divorced when I was 12. But I adore Marian Keyes now. She has the most unique voice out there and she is able to make something that could be sad, (melo)dramatic and sappy into something witty,funny and entertaining.

The end of procrastination...boohoo...

2004-10-17T01:30:00.000-07:00
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

~George Gordon, Lord Byron

Poem snippets and Buffy quotes. And maybe random quotes I stumble across.

###

I set up a blog for my writing excercises(poems, short stories, prose, blah blah blah) because I realized that just because I'm not doing any actual writing on a manuscript just yet doesn't mean that I couldn't not write something(other than email) at least once a day. It was a revelation that came to me last week after I was really mad and really frustrated over a personal matter and I just wrote the little scene(hey Jane, is it a scene? *G*) that is below, and felt a huge relieving of my turbulent emotions. (Plus, that little scene helped me find the place for this nomad premise and H/H that I could not fit anywhere.)

Also, I read Zuckerman's book "Writing the Blockbuster Novel" and when I pared away his infatuation with his clients, I was able to gain some insight into how to advance my own writing. Basing my new insight upon Anne Lamott's shitty first draft and combining it with the example Zuckerman gave of Follett's many drafts for his synopses; I am going to return to my former work habit of writing detailed synopses before I sit to write the actual manuscript.

I am not a pantser. Pantsing makes me break out in hives because my mind is so twisted and bizarre, in my few attempts at pantsing, my stories have turned into complete hybrids of whatever came to my mind that day and what I thought I was trying to write. It's not a pretty sight. *G* (And I am sure that it'd take me forever to find a lucid thread beneath it all.)

But, before, I'd only write one synopsis and then write the manuscript. Suffice to say, the finished product was only 45% better than if I had pantsed it. Follett makes as many drafts of his synopses as he has to, and I am going to follow that.

Plus, I am uber excited over the morphed WIP because I said "Screw You NY!"(but not in a means way, of course. *g*) and set this book in Paris. I have made peace with the fact that I will always gravitate to France or other places outside of the UK if the characters/plot warrant it, and I shouldn't fight it for the sake of The Market. No one's equipped to tell the future, regardless of whether a degree says you can, or if you hang a sign above your door and claim to. So, I'm going to write what I want. Plus, some advice Judith Ivory gave me has been chewed upon:

You know, from where I sit, the market just isn't as tight as anyone is saying. Slipping and pulling just isn't necessary. A good book has always been a book an editor--somewhere somehow--finds a way to publish. If you have a great book that can only be told in one time period, be it an enormously unpopular one, tell it in that time period anyway. If the book is a fine piece of work, it will sell. Editors take chances on books that stir their souls. Stir their souls. Then trust that the world is a kinder place than people are saying here. Editors fight for books. That's their job.

That's all I need to do as a writer. Write the very best book that I can each and every time regardless of what others say, regardless of what I say: just do it. No one can predict the future regardless of how many degrees they have or whether they hang a sign over their door stating that they can. And isn't it always the risk takers; the innovaters; the fearless ones; who break out and are able to capture what they want?

###

On the reading front, I am laughing myself to pieces over the antics of Becky Bloomwood in "Shopaholic Takes Manhattan". I also read:

"The Sinner" by Madeline Hunter(was better than I'd hoped; I hated Dante in his brother's book)

"A Well Pleasured Lady" by Christina Dodd(am I the only person who didn't see the H/H has two crazily flawed people the way reviewers have? *blink* And I hate when I read reviews and hear people rave about books, and then when I read them, I don't see what the big deal is.)

"Upon A Wicked Time" by Karen Ranney(Deja vu. I swear I've read this book before. Except I haven't. Weird.)

Nonfiction: I'm reading "How to Grow A Novel by Sol Stein and re-reading Evan Marshall's books.

After Shopaholic, is either "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" [I've read Confessions of An Ugly Stepsister and I am enthralled with the author's vivid reinterpretations of fairy tales(-ish. The Wicked Witch isn't truly from a fairy tale.)] or "Lucy Sullivan's Getting Married" by Marian Keyes.

2004-10-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

Giles: "Does this look familiar to either of you?"
Buffy: "Yeah, sure. It looks like a book."
Xander: "I knew that one."

I'm reading Austen at the moment. Partially to assuage my need for the new releases(can you lust after a book? *G*), and partially because it's been sitting in my bedroom for a few weeks, fermenting, and I hate to return books to the library unread.

...Which is how I came to have six or seven non-fiction books on various subjects lying about my room with bookmarks stuck between the pages...

But, should I feel guilty for never having truly read the works of Jane Austen? I've only really read Pride & Predjudice, and that only because I had to write an essay to win a scholarship.(And I lost, FYI. Only because I didn't really pay much attention to the book. g*)

"But...Austen is a classic! You cannot truly be a fan of the Regency period without having read her(or Georgette Heyer...who personally, bores me and reads quite cold)!"

Well, I haven't and I'm trying to make up for it now. My attention span has widened a great deal since my junior year in HS, so my eye isn't wandering when I'm trying to read a passage. I'm also tackling a Poe anthology after Lydia Joyce mentioned a few Poe stories that her WIP is inspired by. And let me tell you, Poe is...Poe. He can write some pretty chilling and suspenseful stuff. Plus, I've learned that to be a good writer, you must be a good reader. And study classics as well as current fiction.

On the writing front...the MS, the old one I was planning on rewriting, has morphed. It has morphed into something entirely different, and while I always feel guilty(dumbly) for having weak manuscripts or story ideas lying on my hard drive, I am learning to accept that I'll always have things like that occur, and that every idea I have doesn't have to be a story. In fact, how it morphed was a fun, yet excruciating experience.

Now, my heroine's always seem to be the Hero of my manuscripts, so I start from there and follow the adage "if your hero's a firefighter, make your heroine an arsonist". The original, old manuscript, I moved it to a train. Still cinderella, but with a masquerade angle to it. Then, I moved it onto a ship because the train was too small for what I wanted to happen. But then, it stalled because my original reason for my heroine to be travelling from America to England didn't fit with the new setting.

I then threw my notebook in the back of my closet in frustration.

Two, Three days later(meaning, today), I'm burning a hole in the paper, trying to find out what the hell this story was about! (I'm only halfway there; my hero's not here yet), and so, I decided to do the Six Degrees thingy. The "What If" game.

Story goals poured out like water and then, then, one of the what if's began to form into a that's it. Yay! But then I began panicking because that new heroine story goal began to hurtle in the direction of a plot sketch that I'd made over a month ago, that I liked, but couldn't fully round it out. And I'm back to the guilt, because I really, really liked that story. So now, I'm working on my hero, on the rest of the story and how I'm going to mesh things together.

But suffice to say, this historical romance--and the chick-lit idea I'm sketching out--is based on an Audrey Hepburn movie(s). *G*

Who, incidentally, is one of my favorite old Hollywood actresses and a style icon. Come to think of it...earlier this year, I was obsessed and rented all of her movies and watched them over and over.

Funny Face, Breakfast At Tiffany's & Charade are my favorites.

Craft Link: 1000 Verbs

2004-10-08T23:23:00.000-07:00
A raw quickie from a flash-idea I got last night

Paris, France 1896

A shot rang out in the darkness.

###

From far away, footsteps tapped hesitantly; the sound muted against the plushly carpeted floors.

Jacqueline Marie-Louise D'Arblay pressed trembling fingers together in a sign of prayer, her heavily kohled lids closing tightly, her rouged mouth moving quickly; the soundless words tumbling from her lips like a babbling brook. She had once been a faithful Catholic; attending the richly fragranced, plodding services with a ferver that awed even her simple mother. But it was certain that this sin, compared to the numerous others she had committed was irrevocable; near unforgivable. And yet, temporarily reverting into the bright eyed, honest child that she once had been, the paters and Hail Mary's fell easily from her wicked tongue.

The footsteps paused just outside of her door; a floorboard creaking beneath their heavy tread. His tread.

An icy ball of dread formed in her gut and the prayers became more violent; almost rebuking, as though she were blaming God for the sickening situation she had found herself in. It was laughable. Blaming God for her sins. She had been the one to abandon him, to mock and laugh at him, to tarnish the former reverence had name had used to evoke in her person. And for what. Him.

Her protector. Her lifeline. Her tormenter and betrayer.

But now he was dead. And she was far from free.

"Dead God in Heaven," She murmured breathlessly, opening her eyes and standing. Standing to embrace the damnation she was certain approached.

In an absurd, familiar gesture; one she used when awaiting his return; she smoothed the dark, chestnut curls that escaped her chignon before pressing the wrinkles from the skirts of her crimson evening gown. She placed her palms flat against her side, shielding the mingling stains of gunpowder and blood, holding her head high as she stared at the door.

The heavy, brass knob rattled once, twice, before she heard a click. It echoed throughout the oppressive silence and she refrained from flinching, from showing fear, or remorse, or better yet; anything.

The door opened on a silent glide, the muted lighting flickering behind her licking and lapping at the edges of the room, leaving her pursuer in the shadows. His light, crisp fragrance was sharp against her nose and tongue; horse, leather and soap. The familiar scent brought such a wave of acute longing, her knees weakened and she turned her face away from him to hide her reaction.

Oh, how she longed to have the right to reach for him; to curl into his arms--to curl into him. But she, the betrayed had also been the betrayer, long ago losing that right.

She swallowed silently, feeling his heavy, intense gaze lingering on her; touching along the bruises that marked her jawline, the finger shaped bruises that shadowed her neck, before raking the remainder of her body in the insolent, bold, and confident perusal she remembered of old.

Just as quickly as he had stared, his focus swept away and by the swift intake of breath, she was certain he had then discovered Charles' body ,lying where she had left it.

It was so odd, she thought, the trembling of her hands betraying her unease, how powerless and vulnerable Charles looked in death. How useless and weak his broad, massive hands looked in eternal repose. The stocky, plain looking man didn't look capable of many nor all of the atrocities that he eagerly heaped upon her slight, willowy frame.

"What have you done?"

His low voice vibrated within her, stirring up long surpressed emotions like wind disheveling leaves that strayed along the edges of the boulevards.

"He is dead."

His steps were swift as he approached her, and the next she knew, she was staring into icy wintergreen eyes. Bright eyes that were framed by impossibly thick lashes. And lines of...dissipation? Age? No. He was too fastidious to wallow in drink or women, and he was not much older than her eight-and-twenty years. Involuntarily, her eyes dipped to his mouth, notcing the grim crescents that surrounded them, the wicked looking scar that sliced through his upper lip.

His fingers tightened their hold along her jaw and she winced. He cursed fluently and dropped her jaw, moving away and running a hand through his thick, honey blond hair.

"What happened, Jacqui?" He asked quietly, his back to her.

She opened her mouth to speak, a sickening feeling of doubt creeping into her mind. This situation had fallen from her hands the moment he asked that question of her, his voice full of anguish and trust. His faith in her shook her, confounded her, frightened her. Especially after what she had done to him. She didn't deserve it. She wouldn't deserve it.

"I killed him."

"You didn't." He turned to face her, his gloved hands clenching at his sides. "I know you Jacqui, like I know my own self, and you are not capable of such a crime."

"I did," She approached him, holding out her palms. "He hit me, I picked up the gun I purchased a month ago and shot him, point blank."

She forced a satisfied and unrepentant smile onto her lips. "Three times. Twice in the heart. Once in the head."

His eyes narrowed and he grasped her shoulders, shaking her, dislodging her elaborate coiffure. Pins dropped onto the bloodstained carpet, tinkling in time with the sudden chiming of the clock.

"Dammit Jacqui," He shoved her away when she remained calm and detached.

"Are you going to arrest me?" She fused her wrists together in imitation of handcuffs.

"I am not." He said in a tight, clipped voice.

"Then, what are you going to do?"

"Nothing," He sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping even more. "for now at least."

A vague pang of guilt stabbed her at the thought that this man, who already carried the weight of the world upon his broad, somber clad shoulders, was burdened even more, by a woman he should never have tried to protect.

"What about Charles? The servants are certain to notice a rancid smell, if not the actual body."

Icy green eyes cut across the room to stare at the violence ravaged body of the man she called her husband, before returning to focus on her.

"You never should have--" He cut himself off, closing his eyes for a moment.

"I never should have what?" She pressed, ignoring the warning voices that shouted in her head.

"You never should have formed a union with him." He ground out.

"Chere," She smiled brittlely, sauntering over toward the sideboard and pouring herself a tumbler of brandy. "You know I always go my own way."

"I know," He had followed her without her knowledge, looming tall over her. "It was what I loved most about you."

"Don't say that." She felt sick. That word always caused her stomach to churn with bitter memories and regrets. "You can't have loved me. You never knew me."

He stared at her impassively, plucking the glass of brandy from her fingers and slowly, deliberately, keeping his eyes locked onto hers, placed his mouth where hers had vacated, and drank.

Her skin felt tight beneath the form fitting evening gown, her mouth drying as she watched him swallow, the tightly corded muscles of his neck flexing and shifting with the swallow, forcing her eyes down, down, downward to rest against the steadily beating pulse at the base of his neck.

How dare he be so calm inwardly as well as outwardly when inside, she was a quivering wreck.

She flicked her skirts away from him as she stepped lightly toward the open door.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed," She called over her shoulder.

She couldn't deal with this. First Charles. And now him. She could never deal with him; a circumstance that never failed to irritate and anger her.

When she stepped inside of her warmly lit chamber, the crackling fireplace casting a comforting glow over her ornate four poster bed, she made to push the door closed behind her. Only, it wouldn't budge.

She turned around, her eyes landing on a gloved hand, traveling up the coated arm before meeting his mocking smile, cold eyes and sardonic twist of his heavy eyebrows.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"What does it look like?" He slid inside, shutting and locking the door, leaning back upon it and crossing his arms.

"Get out."

"Make me."

"The servants--"

"When did you ever care for their opinions, cherie?"

"The body--"

"I locked the door with one of the keys I used to enter the house."

She pressed her lips into a thin line, her body stiff with the knowledge that he would not depart until his whims were satisfied. With a silent oath, she spun on her heel and made her way towards her dressing room. He followed.

"You have no right to be in here."

"Don't I?"

He repeated his words when she refused to answer.

"You don't."

He moved past her, blocking her path with a knowing smile that caused her face to heat. That inflamed her even more. She hadn't blushed since she had been a girl-child, and by the glint in his eyes, he knew it as well. His smile turned charming.

"Don't I, Jacqueline Marie-Louise, Madame Bastien St-Georges?"

2004-10-06T05:12:00.000-07:00

Ms. Calendar: You're here again? Kids really dig the library, don't cha?
Buffy: We're literary!
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
~ I Robot, You Jane

To assuage myself whilst I'm still working the kinks out of my Egypt set HR, I opened up a manuscript I wrote,hmm...seven months ago or so and read it, with the anticipation of rewriting it and submitting it somewhere.

Let me tell you, I have come a long,long,long,LONG way since then. I was laughing so hard as I read my quasi-horrible historical romance because all of my errors leapt out at me at once. My CP's can tell you, my sentences are long sometimes. And sometimes, they are so long, they are one paragraph--it's that darn rhythm I hear in my head. But this MS takes the cake for longwinded sentences.

Add POV switching like mad--but not head-hopping--,scant description, a tiny amount of really deep characterization, and characters that are slavering over each other and don't really have any interaction outside of making out, and you have this MS.

But the things that do leap out at me on the positive, is that my dialogue was funny. It truly was. I found myself laughing constantly and swearing up and down that there is no way that I wrote those lines. Also, I could feel the exuberance coursing from the sentences. Exuberance that I somewhat lost when I became obsessed with The Market and editors,agents, currently published authors, and trying to write that way from the jump start.

I've been trying to recapture that naivete and enthusiasm that I had when I first began writing, and fusing it with the peace and knowledge that I have now, and my revising this old MS is helping.

It's also a shitty first draft that I can test my SFD resussitating skills on. Also, I now see the benefits of allowing a manuscript to rest for a good amount of time. Because of this, I'm able to look at this 7 month old manuscript with a jaundiced and skilled eye that knows what to fix and how to fix it. Whereas, if I had tried to revise this manuscript a month, or two after I finished it, I probably wouldn't be able to make a (hopeful) masterpiece out of it.

2004-10-01T22:37:00.000-07:00
"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"--Robert Schuller

I feel as though this MS--that I is still in the baby stages--might be my point of breakthrough.

Why?

Because this is the first idea/premise/plot that I've had, that I must do tons of research for, that I'm actually having a human villain featured, that I'm being forced to allow my characters to drive the plot, and that I am having to hash and rehash what the bloody story is actually about!

That little fear demon that I keep flicking off of my shoulder keeps trying to climb back and whisper in my ear:

"Don't set it in Egypt, dearie! It's less work if you keep your characters in a setting you are already familiar with. Ignore your fascination with other countries and set this story in London."

"Tsk,tsk. If the plot or the characters aren't coming to you at this moment, just toss this plot away and work on something easier."

"You don't even know what this story is about? Your other stories didn't act this way. I told you, go work on something easy. Say, an independent heroine and a rakish lord in Regency London. That's much easier to write--the plot,setting, and character prototypes are already there for you!"

"This is way too--" SPLAT.

That's the sound of me kicking that demon to the curb. I've never had this much of a problem with a story or characters, and I've never had a story haunt me the way this one is. It refuses to allow me to give up and set it aside, even if I wanted to.

This is forcing me to push aside my idiotic visions of everything coming out perfectly just because I said it should. This is making me remember the incidents in my art career where I shouldn't have given up simply because what came out on paper, wasn't what I saw in my head--on only the first try! I'm an artist, but I am so stupidly stubborn sometimes, that I get hard-headed and obstinate and it ruins the excitement that I formerly had over whatever project I had been planning to work on.

Now I totally get the quote I had put on an earlier post: "Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

Some things may come easily, and some things may come at a much harder effort; but quitting because it isn't as easy as I thought it should be is a poor excuse for mediocrite. Each day that I have awoken to write has gotten me to the point that I am at right now. Do I wish I had come to this conclusion earlier? Sure. But every day is a winding road, as Sheryl Crow says. You don't know what's coming around the bend to make you a better person, and I would hate to allow my past mistakes to be the things that caused me to miss my dreams.

2004-09-27T05:56:00.001-07:00
Another Thought:

In the romance genre, the great writers are the ones who sat down to tell a story that was knocking on the door of their heart.

I am having to force myself to forget the labels that have been put on the romane genre: "light", "dark", "tortured", "dark hero/heroine",etc because it distracts me. It sometimes makes me hesitant to want to try and idea out because it's too "dark" or it's too "light", or it's not "dark/light enough". I really don't think that the aforementioned authors sat down at their desks and planned on writing a dark/light/tortured/witty/blahblahblah story that would gain them instant critical praise and acclaim. They sat down and wrote a book about two characters that needed their story to be told.

I have to remind myself of that whenever I feel the inclination of trying to force my style to fit into a label that has put onto romance novels. A "dark" book/author is no better than a "light" book/author--in fact, I really admire authors who either fall in the "middle" of the two spectrums, or those that can write a "dark" book and follow it up with a "light" book.

I have to remind myself that my voice/style is just that: Mine. Trying to force it to fit into industry labels smothers it, and ends up with me either frustrated because a manuscript isn't going the way I wanted it to go, or ends up with me chucking a premise because I'm either afraid that I don't have the ability to do it, or that it doesn't fit where I want it to fit.

To me, a romance is supposed to be about the hero and heroine of the story braving their interior and exterior to have the privledge of falling in love with each other. Whether they be riding beneath the Texas sky, or waltzing through the ballrooms of London, or sailing the seven seas; the story is supposed to be driven by the characters and not by what the author thinks the characters should be like or should do.

2004-09-27T05:10:00.000-07:00
We have one and only one critical job to do in a first chapter. Establish something at stake for the main character and then throw it into jeopardy. Come up with something at stake. -- Dwight Swain

Premises Plotted: 2 out of 4

I hate characters. I swear.

Ok, so over the past three or four days(when I wasn't plotting the other two premises) I've been sketching out this Egypt-set historical romance. I've always had a thing for Archeology and Egypt,Persia,whatever etc,and I had this montage in my mind of a serio-1940's-comedy looping through my head. Everything's fine and dandy.

So, I'm looking at my hero and his background,etc,etc and I discover that he was double-crossed by a trusted colleague on a dig who destroyed his career and credibility. Yadda Yadda Yadda, his character is done. But then, the next day I thought: "well what if that betraying colleague was a woman?" I leave it at that and go back to my hero and heroine.

But then, today, I wake up and my hero's betrayer starts jabbering with my hero in my head and all of the sudden, my original heroine begins to fade. I really hate when things slip from grasp--an idiotic and weird thing for an artistic person to dislike--so I kept trying to push that other woman away and keep a hold on my original heroine--without any success. And that other woman keeps telling me that this is HER story and that the hero belongs to HER.

I'm begging and pleading and scribbling away at the original premise, trying to keep it how I first envisioned it when it is snatched from my hands by the other heroine and the original hero--who agrees with the other heroine.

And dangit! I hate to admit it, but I like these two together alot better than he and the first heroine. But now, now my second heroine and my hero are being reticent and won't tell me their story...all I can glean from them is that they double cross each other, plan to double cross each other, that they are in Egypt, that they are trying to find a treasure, and that the heroine is plotting to manipulate the murderer of her adopted father.

And I have yet to figure out when this book is going to be set. And on top of that, when I write this thing out(and this one is knudging out the other premises for my attention), I am required to do some extensive research.

But in the end, I do love and enjoy my "job"

2004-09-25T20:50:00.000-07:00
Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

I'm scared, nervous, excited, apprehensive, confident, unsure, on the verge of passing out and jumping for joy at the same time.

Why? Because I have settled on four premises and am in the midst of plotting them out according to Jane's plotting techniques. I have one down, and three to go. Now that I have this "guide" for plotting my MS's, I am going to re-plot my solicited MS according to this, and I am fairly confident that the structure will help me tie my loose ends together.

But it's scary, and it's making me have to follow Anne Lamott's advice about not being afraid to write a shitty first draft.

2004-09-23T18:48:00.000-07:00
Make 'em laugh, make 'em cry, make 'em wait - Dickens

*GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,etc*

With the main Egypt-set HR I am sketching out, I am breaking so many "taboos" *G* My heroine is half Egyptian & half French as opposed to being half English, my hero is an American, and.....one of the groups of villains is English! ROFL (Now I figure out what year/era the story is set. early vs late Victorian)

Some really inspiring news: Jess Michaels just sold to Avon in a two-book deal!

I also found two more upcoming Avon authors: Shana Galen(a personal "heroine" b/c she writes historicals and chick-lit <---my goal), and Shirley Karr (her upcoming book is Hilarious!)

Not that I'm some sort of unofficial Avon cheerleader, it just seems that they are the house that seems to buy the most new Historical Romance authors.

2004-09-22T04:21:00.000-07:00
To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong

I've ceased feeling guilty and apologizing for working on developing a number of story kernals at the same time instead of writing; especially taking in the fact that I am now completely rehauling the way I pre-write.

Pages and pages of handwritten sheets of paper are strewn about my family's apartment(I can't even find some of them *G*) from the past week or so that have tons of character info and scene jots,etc,etc. I haven't written so much by hand in years!

My mind is like a honeybee, it flits from one flower(idea) to the next(idea) near constantly--I especially hate it when an entire scene plays itself out in my head just as I am about to fall ASLEEP!--that I am compelled to write things down or my mind will nag me forever!

I've learned to control it somewhat; not allowing an idea that seems better than the current MS I am working on to make me abandon it--but it's a hard task.

Currently, I have character sheets/plotting sheets for two stories; one set in 1890's Venice and the other 1770s West Indies/England. Four other ideas have also been jotted down and I am in the midst of trying to find a suitable plot and hero for a heroine that popped into my head earlier and reworking an idea I had two months ago--and they're both set in Egypt!! I am obsessed with Archeology and Egyptology and I'm trying to find a way to bring it all together.

Further fueling my imagination is a really great book called Daughters of Brittania: The Lives and Times of Diplomats Wives by Katie Hickman. For a second, as I was reading this, I thought about becoming one(because I would love to travel); but then I remembered that I am afraid of possibly getting blown to pieces by a terrorist...yikes!

You know what my problem is? I love history way too much. Too much to the point that since I am always reading history books, I instantly want to write HR's set in the multitude of eras and places and during historical events I've read about.

And belated (public) congratulations to Cece for getting third place in the First Impressions contest, Marguerite for selling her short story to A Hint of Seduction, and crit group partner Janet & Sylvia for being Brava finalists!

2004-09-19T20:58:00.000-07:00
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up -- Edison

I used to be afraid of craft.

A weird thing for a writer to say, but allow me to explain. I know that I have raw, natural talent for writing, I'm not going to dither about and try and feel ashamed for what I know is the truth. I can see scenes and hear dialogue in my head and get it down in a comprehensive manner. I can come up with characters, their conflict, their motivation, blah blah blah, but what I mainly did was superficial stuff of the story.

I wasn't getting to the heart of what makes a really great book.

Now, that was at the beginning of my writing career. Say...May 2003-Oct 2003.

Nov 2003-Jan 2004, I read those books Kathryn Falk had published a while back, readreadread, flipped through a couple books on writing,readreadread,wrotewrotewrote

Yippidedoodah, everything was all gravy.

Feb 2004-May 2004...I was writing, completing stuff,blahblahblah,skimming through craft books cuz "hey, I know how to WRITE!!"

June 2004-breakdown!! Each month(or maybe even every two weeks) I had been pushing myself harder and harder. I used to write 2000 words a day. Then my mind would still be racing so I pushed it to 5000 words a day. Then one day I tried 10,000 words and was able to do it, and so continued to do it.

July/August 2004...hazy days...I wrote a little bit here, a little bit there...blah...until I had a bloody epiphany!! (but not the big one). I immediately checked out all the craft books I could find and devoured them one by one. Barrier One was down. I wasn't so talented that I didn't need to see the basic structure of storytelling. I then realized that whole mantra "once you know the rules, then you can break them" finally made sense to me! It was liberating and I was refreshed! Renewed!!

Late August 2004/early Sept 2004...breakdown! I had writer's apathy very BAD. Not even getting a solicitation for a partial from a published dragged me out. Until someone slapped me out of it with some wise words(Thanks Brooke!) And that incident was gathering and forming for my most recent epiphany(found out thanks to my Mom)

I was afraid of craft books(which I deemed would ruin my "natural creativity" because of all those rules) because I had a fear of success. Which completely blew my mind because I kind of don't have a fear of failure. Recieving rejections from simple queries didn't faze me and the thought of sending out partials/MS's and getting rejections from those didn't faze me.

But what I was so afraid of was the chance that someone would like my work, they would buy it and that I'd be published, therefore creating pressure on me to keep doing good.

It's something left over from my childhood. I can look back on my school years and know that I could have done alot better than I did. I could have been a straight A student if I had applied myself. I could have gotten scholarships based on academics and maybe even sports if I had tried harder.

But I didn't because allthroughout life, I'd been rejected. Classmates, teachers, family. And because I'd been rejection so much, whenever someone gave me a compliment on myself or mainly, something I accomplished, I would clam up because a) it brought me to other's attention for them to possibly make fun of me b) it meant that I would have pressure on me to do even better the next time, and then possibly be praised once more and have attention called to myself.

So I settled. I got good grades and good enough grades, but I could have gotten excellent grades if I hadn't been so afraid of ostrasization(sp,whatever!) and rejection.

And so I was subconciously sabotuaging myself by not paying attention to craft,etc so that I wouldn't sell and stand out before my (writing)peers. Yeah, people would be happy for me, I know, but then I'd have the pressure before them of selling well, getting good reviews, writing a better second book,etc, and then possibly dealing with peers that didn't like me b/c I had accomplished something that they wanted.

But when my Mom told me that the reason why I didn't submit things was because I might have fear of success, I had a revelation. And then I took this quiz to see whether it was true.

I got 9 out of 13...*g*

That fear was getting in the way of me not only paying attention to craft, but to relying on the superficial to pave my way through writing. I've always been drawn to premises and characters that are outside of the "norm" whether in reading or writing, and yet my fear was somewhat holding me back from writing my stories that way.

Today, I got online and began to slogging through all of the back digests in Jane's stupendous plotting group so that I could go back and jot down notes on everything that I had skimmed over during my Fear Days.

And OMG, I am so thankful that I did. Not only has it helped me to really dig into my characters, but it has also helped me with my plotting.

I'm not afraid to admit that I had my characters, their premise, the setting, and that's it. I was a bit afraid to even add secondary characters because that meant stepping outside of my comfort zone and exploring things. Also my POV was strictly H/H when I realized that alot of my favorite authors have used other character's POV's to make their "world" more colorful and complete. Pretty dumb for someone who wanted to emulate that.

So I'm standing at a fork in the road, staring at one path; which leads to my old thought pattern and then at the other, which will allow me to go a new way, and continue to seek the goal of writing outside of the box. I do think I'll take the latter. >.)

2004-09-17T01:00:00.000-07:00
Act as if it were impossible to fail -- Dorothea Brande

I'm going to post so that Sylvia won't be all by her lonesome. *g*

But...I did it. I took the plunge and am now reading Judith Ivory's Beast. I realized that I was psyching myself out when it came to writing Beauty at Midnight(now changed to The Venetian Rose,more about that later) by having it lying about, unread, an making me utterly nervous. And the crazy thing is, is that once I put BAM aside for the present, I lost all interest in reading Beast until today(well,yesterday that is). I'm weird. It's official.

But anyways, I realized what the bloody hell was stalling BAM: the setting, the time period and the characters. The premise was good, but the aforementioned things were ALL WRONG! In fact, the premise has been muddled considerably. But now, it's set in 1890's Venice--still a take on Beauty and the Beast and the classic gothic plot of a husband being accused of murdering his wife--but the characters are coming to me more clearer and more defined, as well as what is possibly going to happen in this book.

Before, I had a tinky inkling, but not really and things kept stalling. But I like this new version, but I'm making myself focus on finishing my requested MS and THEN work on The Venetian Rose.

I do have a gripe though: No cable.

No cable meaning: no MTV, no fashion week/Style Network, no news, no CIVILIZATION!! *g*

2004-09-16T00:08:00.000-07:00
Fear begins to melt when you take action toward a goal you really want -- Robert G. Allen

Once again, thank God for critique partners!

My energy and creativity and enthusiasm is boundless, but if I didn't have such wonderful people there to stuff my work back into the box(craftwise) I swear, my work would be all over the page.

Not that it's incoherent ramblings,etc, but I suck at grammar sometimes and other times, my mind runs at lightning speed before my fingers and I don't realize that a few sentences may miss some words or the ideas aren't completed.

And so, right now, I'm tackling critiques and edits of my partial as well as writing out my synopsis--which is even harder than usual because I decided to write it in first person like the MS.

But to tell you the truth, even though I would be estatic to sell this MS to the house that solicited it, I am actually anxiously awaiting my first, "real" straight-from-the-editor's-mouth rejection. Is that weird?

The way I feel about rejections right now(not that I want tons of them) is like an anxious catcher crouching behind the batter, squinting at the pitcher, just waiting for the batter to miss the ball. I want to catch that rejection so I can see what an editor sees in my work and what they think about it.

I haven't entered any contests because they cost too damn much for my slender resources, but if I could, I'd enter in a heartbeat.

Because sometimes, you want/need someone who is even more removed from you than a critique partner is to view your work.

2004-09-10T01:51:00.000-07:00
If you aren't failing now and again, it's a sign that you're playing it safe -- Woody Allen

In the words of Bridget Jones: "Hurrah!"

I zipped along and typed up the second chapter of my very first proposal and I amazed and a bit crazed at the fact that I was able to write this with no hassle because I was harried over another MS. Bizarre!

But I just realized something about myself: I am very easily distracted. By email. By the internet. By books.

Because I am this osmosis type of learner as well as possessing this sometimes annoying photographic & audio memory, things tend to intrude on my writing, making me worry and doubt myself to the point where I think that I suck. Monumentally.

So, I have pledged--no truly, this time--to cut back drastically on the amount of time I spend online. Blogging. Email. Surfing. SNIP SNIP SNIP (as Andy Dick would say).

I recall reading an old AAR interview with Susan Wiggs and she says that she doesn't allow anyone to see her first drafts until she is completely finished. I think that's a good thing because I know that I tend to frazzle at the nerves when I start sending things out there that are not finished to their entirety.

AND, I realized why I was stressing myself out--and sometimes, I am such an airhead. I was bloody stressed because I kept having all of these little ideas catch fire and for some reason, I was under the impression that if I didn't write them, the world would end. Quite Dumb, no?

I had this epiphany, that while it is so simple and practical, if one isn't a worrywart like I am, would have occured a long time ago: focus on one or two projects to finish the year off.

Whoot! Instant stress reliever. Like a bar of chocolate it was too.

But now, I am off to neverneverland so I can fall asleep before my mind tells me that this is a fluke. :)

2004-09-06T07:05:00.000-07:00
Well, am now entirely obsessed with Bridget Jones's Diary & Bridget Jones & the Edge of Reason, and can see why chick-lit took off. I read both of them over the course of the weekend(well, the first one started off rather slow, so I put it down to read Devil Takes A Bride by Gaelen Foley--which was one of those books where there's alot in the mix, and yet it folded together nicely. I can compare it to Joanna Lindsey's latest A Loving Scoundrel, except, that while I really enjoyed that book, there were too many noodles in the pot that were solved at the oddest times--plus the fact that the back cover blurb was not the main plot.) and I adore them! I just put the movie on hold at my library...and won't get it for 8 weeks! Might as well go to the frickin Hollywood Video up the street!

But what has really stood out at me with these books is that Colin Firth and his role in A&E's Pride and Predjudice(alot) and Hugh Grant is mentioned in the first one--and Colin Firth actually has a "role" in the second book--but Hugh Grant and Colin Firth play Daniel Cleave and Mark Darcy respectively. That is so odd and I wonder how the movie pulls it off......I am beginning to think that I am the only person who doesn't find Colin Firth the least bit attractive. To me, he's just...there. Like a sack of potatoes. Hmm..maybe I need to see this P&P movie to remove my immunity to his "charms"?

I also read Christina Dodd's Some Enchanted Evening. It was a cute, fun book, but I have a gripe over the fact that the title is COMPLETELY misleading. Here I am, thinking that there is going to be this dazzling evening scene(perhaps some dancing, some kissing,whatever!) but nooo, there's not and my fab-40's/Old-Hollywood montage was burst like a bubble! Gah! While this book isn't a keeper, the last line caused me to be VERY intruiged by the next book in the series--which was La Dodd's intention, damn her eyes! LoL

2004-09-04T19:29:00.000-07:00
I'm not at the "if you can't beat em, join em" stage(God no, I hope I never will be) but, I've thought about it: instead of complaining about the dearth of Regency Historicals, I could do something to change the scope of the genre by setting books around the Napoleonic/Peninsular Wars. Ever since I finished reading a bio of Empress Josephine and then recalling how much I enjoyed Red,Red Rose by Marjorie Farrell, The Spy's Bride by Nita Abrahms and Violet by Jane Feather(as well as reading an exerpt from Samantha Saxon's website, I've had this fascination not only with France during the Empire era, but with those nameless,face-less and near story-less soldiers and spys and envoys during the Napoleonic Wars--as well as the regular people that lived in the war-torn countries.

Forget those Regency Duke/Earl/etc spies that never leave London or England, I want the real deal: the double crossing, moral ambiguity,the romance,the action, drama and danger of it all. I have a kernal of an idea that will be set in Spain, but this hasn't completely pulled me out of my Writer's Apathy.

But now I feel like a mother abandoning her children by pushing Beauty At Midnight to the side for the moment. It was going good, I have nearly 10 chapters completed, but I just...lost my enthusiasm for the project and just thinking about writing something more is like...squeezing water from a rock. So, that is going to be set aside, and I am not even going to THINK of writing while I immerse myself in Napoleonic literature/history. Hey, I may even pick up my long neglected and dusty copy of War and Peace...

But anyways! Blogging with come at a trickle rate because it is distracting and it also is...writing!!! But I'll still read everyone else's blogs and my email, so I won't feel entirely out of the loop. Yikes...2004 is 3 months away from ending!

2004-09-04T03:15:00.000-07:00
3 am:Chick-lit binge for the past two days. As I've been reading them, it's caused me to realize that my wit has dulled considerably by writing straight, historical romances. Yeah, yeah, dialogue is fun and I can write it, but being set pre-20th century, I can't let my snarkiness out at full force. But, with the combo of reading chick-lit & finding people to talk(ie; verbally spar) with, it has sharpened back to its normal, biting shape.

Anyways, here's what I've read:

Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro
Jemima J by Jane Green
Undead and Unwed by MaryJanice Davidson
Goddess for Hire by Sonia Singh
32AA by Michelle Cunnah
Maneater by Gigi Levangie Grazer

Maneater, Jemima J & Goddess for Hire were my faves.

At the moment, I am tackling Bridget Jones' Diary and Vanity Fair--because I want to read them before I see the movies.

Anyways, on the writing front....Flatline! No inspiration, no enthusiasm, no nothing...I've got ideas and can sketch them out, but when I think of the entire scope of the project it bores me to tears. Maybe I need a change of scenery? I have no idea, I just know for a fact that my MS has stalled and that I have no inclination of wanting to read the short stack of HR's that came with the chicklit.

I don't know, maybe it's backlash from the constant round the clock working I've been putting in for over a year? I mean, because since I made the decision to write for a living late last year, I have rarely spent a day on the computer where I wasn't writing at least 10-15 pages a day, completing MS's that I know will never see the light of day and having dreams of doing something..."BIGGER" than what is out there now...I just have this overwhelming need to stir things up, but the darn things refuse to be shaken, and I'm left with brilliant(to me, of course) ideas that everyone else gives me the eyebrow(you know, that eyebrow that is like..."I don't think so") about.

Gah!! I think I need to find an outlet for the excess energy that won't allow itself to be focused onto writing.

Bad News though, considering the would-be great news I recieved on the 1st...ha!

2004-08-30T06:56:00.000-07:00
Forget recieving critiques, the hard part is the giving of them. It's especially hard when it's someone you don't know--wait...it's still hard when it's someone you do know--because a) you don't want to come across as though you know it all b) you don't want to unintentionally hurt someone's feelings c) because you are reading something, chapter by chapter and might not know what is going to happen in subsequent chapters, your critique is based on your own perceptions.

And so, unless you really know that the person you are critiquing can handle the absolute, 100% truth and enjoys it to an extent(and can give it back, as well), you are at a quandary. You want to help a person reach their full potential, but you don't want to offend them or have your suggestions unintentionally change their Voice.

Also, because you cannot see a person face to face over the internet, you have to phrase your wording very, very delicately because what you intended to sound helpful, may come across as being critical and hurtful.

Is there a rule book for this sort of thing? I like critiquing and I really pay attention to each thing I suggest, but there's nothing that I've read that is really, really helpful for the person critiquing as opposed to the critiquee.

But, I've been fortunate to have some really great critiquing experiences and very helpful & honest CP's, but those doubts still hound on me whenever I recieve something.

Sylvia posted a little thingy about being excited for the authors she's met online. I can honestly say that I feel the same way. I love it when others succeed, regardless of personal run-ins or whatnot. I've always been like that; even if I may not have a major fondness for someone, I am always able to be happy for something that they are good at. Even though I really want my career to take off, if everyone that I know's career does before mine, I'd be sad, but I wouldn't think it'd be the end of the world for me. Because hey, I believe that everything happens for a reason.

But anyways...I woke up at like...2 am because my head was killing me and so, I have only slept for three hours. But then before that, I went to bed at 4 and woke up at 3, so...yeah, my time is still whacked.

On the reading front...I tried. I honestly did, but I couldn't help but request a slew of romances/chick-lit from my library: Devil Takes A Bride...A Dark Champion...Elegance...Bridget Jones's Diary(I am so late, and I have the sequel lying in my bedroom)...The Duchess Diaries...Complete Abandon...etc. The only will power that I can clap myself on the back with is the fact that I have hidden my copy of Judith Ivory's "Beast" in the deep, dark recesses of my closet. I've had the book for about three months, but right after I bought it, my own B&tB idea came to me and I am so afraid that something from that book will creep into my book. So far, the only similarities is that they are both set in France! Score!

2004-08-29T05:16:00.000-07:00
Another late night/early morning of writing. It's a dirty cycle, dangit. But I had planned on writing earlier in the day, but I just didn't feel anything whenever I looked at the computer. And so, I had planned on going to bed around 12 or 1, thinking that I'd just get up on Sunday and write. Only, when I tried to go to bed, I couldn't! I had to write. And so, I whipped up the rest of the first scene of the fifth chapter and have laid preparation for writing the second scene.

I just feel so liberated with the chapter a day schedule. Before, I was so worried about what everyone else was doing and what everyone else was accomplishing that I sped everything up, forcing myself to write 10,000 words a day until I burnt myself out. On the positive side, it did help me lift my skills to subsequent levels fairly quickly, but by June, I couldn't take it anymore. Actually, right now, this month has been the first month since late May/early June that I have been writing on a consistent basis. Before, I would write and then I'd feel my insecurities and pressure building up and I had to take a rest or I would give myself headaches.

But now, thanks to my new schedule, my writing is really tight and fluid and I have stopped worrying about what other people are writing and am focusing on my own work--when I'm not critiquing that is(but that's fun, so it doesn't count). I'm also not plotting at all! Yikes. It's something that is really scary, but once I let go of myself and my fears and just let this stuff come out, my writing and the pacing and everything has been better than ever. Now, I'm full of chagrin when I look at the stuff I wrote during the first half of this year,LOL.

Right now, I miss the gothic romance. Not that paranormal stuff or "romantic suspense", but THE gothic: spooky house, orphaned or alone female, enigmatic hero who she thinks is trying to kill her. I love them to death! They were the very, very first books I read from the adult fiction section of the library and they will always, always be my "first love". But now, it is so hard to track them down in order to own a copy unless it is Victoria Holt novels(and I own a good amount of her books) and then, some of the writers are still alive, but because they have been writing since before the internet era you can't track them down!

That is what needs to be made: some sort of database where you can track down authors who wrote in the 70's & 80's & early 90's but have disappeared and may still be alive.

2004-08-28T08:48:00.000-07:00
I'm still up as you can see, and haven't gone to sleep yet. I had planned on it after coming home from my grandmother's house at 3 something AM. But then, when I got into bed, I felt the need to pick up the bio of Empress Josephine that I had checked out from the library(I checked out alot of non-fiction on my last visit) and then, as I was reading it, my mind began to race on the story I have been working on. I hadn't written anything since Tuesday because I wasn't really in the mood do to emotional circumstances.

But anyways, I got over my aversion to turning my computer on and finished up the fourth chapter and got a start on the fifth chapter. I must say, that I am also in the midst of plotting this stupendous and hilarious historical set in 1890's Paris(chapter by chapter on notecards,BTW), so that sort of distracted me as well.

But to get back to the grandmother thing. My grandmother is not a very nice person...I would even say...that she is close to...*gulp* evil. She's getting better thank the Lord, but after living with her for two-three years, I am still leery of being around her. Her sister flew in from Kansas City and because my great-aunt hadn't seen me since I was a baby and has never seen my younger brothers(my family is...scattered. I didn't even know my mom had parents and siblings until her father died and then when we flew out to CA when my mom worked at US Airways), my grandmother wanted us to come over.

Now, now that we don't live with her anymore, the thought of visiting her house makes me feel like Lorelei attending the weekly Friday dinners at the Gilmore house. LOL. But after a few hours of being there and watching these hilarious filmed plays by a man named Tyler Perry, I was more relaxed. Of course, farewells are always awkward because my brothers and I are not fans of Grandmother. But whatever...

Anyways, I found this link; to an article about big publishers and little to no publicity. I was just talking to my mom about this the other day and how it doesn't make sense to throw tons of money behind someone who is a guaranteed seller and not behind the newcomers...and then they wonder why people don't sell through...sad!! But the article brings some perspective in and is interesting.

But right now, I'm a bit tired, and I'm also a bit mad because I won't be able to watch the VMA's(an annual ritual!!) because we haven't had cable for nearly two months...the tv gets the normal old Fox,WB,UPN..etc...but nothing else. At least I can watch Passions now that the Olympics are over.

2004-08-26T14:18:00.000-07:00
I deleted the negative posts from my blog because they were beginning to make me feel as though I was Wordsworth to everyone else's Shelley. You know, the author from the early/mid 18th century who found vast enjoyment in slamming others works in newspaper reviews without even reading them. LOL!

But anyways, I am in the midst of reading Lord Byron's Jackal by David Crane--which is the life of Edward John Trelawny, a man who tranformed himself from disollusioned youth into a Byronic hero and scammed his way into Lord Byron's inner circle. He is a fascinating character to read from the Regency era and an inspiration for a possible book. But I'm not going to develop it because I'm trying to stay away from the Regency era at the present.

I am also in the midst of reading two other books: Sex & Subterfuge: women writers to 1850 and Belle Epoque: Paris in the Nineties. One for pleasure and the other for research. I am on a quest to become more cultured. As a young, biracial woman that was raised in a upper-lower class/lower-middle class home there isn't too much opportunity for someone like me to become exposed to the classics and literature that someone who was raised at a higher income level might be exposed to. Not to say that all people born rich know lots of things, they just have a more polished veneer because of their heritage.

I am saddened that not only is literacy and the love for reading is declining, but that kids in inner city neighborhoods and schools don't have the opportunity to expand their mind. My cousin's cousin is from the rough part of St. Louis and she told me that the teachers there don't care a whit about their students and whether they are learning or not. They just want their paychecks. Yes, inner cities have a reputation for not valuing education, but if you don't have a passion for teaching and wanting to get through to kids who wouldn't normally care, why would you teach?

While I didn't love school, I love to learn things and to question things. As a young child, I have always had this fascination for travel and knowing how other people go about their daily lives. I never wanted to stay inside of the box and rest inside of my comfort zone. And I don't think I ever will. Yesterday, I went to a non-profit organization that helps others find funding for non-profit organizations and I was dumbfounded by the amount of money given away. And then I was motivated.

I want to become a published author. Not only because I enjoy it, but because I want to show my people that there are other things out there besides what they are used to. It's rare that a young person wants to write and likes to read, and it's even more rare that a person of african-american descent wants to write and likes to read. I'm toying with the idea of starting some sort of program to promote literacy and writing and the arts(another love of mine) to people who mayn't have the opportunity to be exposed to different things.

On the writing front, I am very pleased at how well it's going. After I deleted 20 some pages, the story is dynamite. According to my CP's, my dialogue is sparkling and my prose is very deep, so I am going to play up my strong points and forge on. I also shut down a good portion of my website because I want to switch my focus from the internet and into the real media. I also went to B&N and took the opportunity to read Julia Quinn's When He Was Wicked. I'd heard mixed things about it, but I enjoyed it emmensely. It was a change of pace from a "regular" JQ novel, but it was touching and sensual.

But back to the bookstore. I was in the romance aisle for about 5 hours, reading WHWW and I was also observing the different people who walked up and down the aisle. In the B&N that I was in, a shelf had some fantasy/sci-fi on it that had spilled over from the other aisle, so of course some men happened to wander down the romance aisle. And of course, they didn't stop. But I saw them looking and the question someone had popped about men that do read romances and why most men don't leapt into my mind. As for the women, alot of them would walk up and down the aisles before choosing best-sellers. I didn't see anyone picking up new authors at all--yikes. A couple of women wandered up and down the aisles and then left without buying anything, and later, I saw them in the fiction/literature section looking at things. The younger people that wandered by didn't even look, and if one did, they picked up a chick-lit novel. But most of the younger women that walked through turned the corner and headed for the fantasy aisle.

I had noticed too that B&N had shelved quite a few Cheek erotic romances in the romance section. Then I got up and wandered through the fiction/literature aisles after I was finished with WHWW and saw that there were quite a few chick-lit novels sandwiched between regular fiction, and a few fiction books that could have been in the romance aisle. Of course, this is only one day's observation in one B&N in the greater Sacramento area, but it was interesting to see what people were buying--and weren't buying.

I happened to garner a few interested looks from patrons as they passed me by, most likely because of the section I was sitting in, my age and my ethnicity. I do wonder though, whether I should seriously pursue my idea of whipping up a survey to ask of people in romance aisles of book stores in order to gain some sort of data on what people are buying, what they are looking for, etc, etc. I am curious as a writer, but also as someone who is always interested in other people and how they think--I am a people watcher, you know.(aka Nosey!)

2004-08-23T22:06:00.000-07:00
Yesterday, for just a few moments, I quit.

I turned off my computer, tossed all of my craft books in the closet--romances as well--and quit.

I was so frustrated and uninspired by the story I was working on that I was afraid that this was not what I was meant to do. And so, I quit.

But then, I had to go someplace quiet and meditate and push aside all of my frustrations and even just thinking about writing, and just dwelled.

And then today, when I woke up, I was able to see that half of what I had written was all wrong. So I cut nearly 5,000 words out of my MS and am starting at least three or four chapters from scratch.

I do love what that happens, even if I hate when I get to that frustrated point. And guess what else came out of it!? This spectacular idea that is set in futuristic San Francisco that is like Buffy meets Highlander. And then another idea came at me when I was flipping through--of all things--my Mom's Bible. It's so crazy because the story idea is set in Civil War West Virginia, and I just had this image flash through my mind of a runaway slave woman guarding her house in the Appalachian Mts from a deserting Union Officer. It's less of a romance, as historical fiction with romantic elements, but I'm up for the challenge. You never know, it may be the next Cold Mountain.

2004-08-21T21:41:00.000-07:00
Testaments to my procrastination:

Sex Advice from romance novelists

What Would Buffy Do?

I'm also critiquing, so that's like...30% getting something done with writing. Right?

2004-08-21T19:52:00.000-07:00
The procrastinating is like a residual spill today...

(The picture put my alignment out of whack, so here's what the quiz result said:
Hecate

You are most like the Greek God Hecate, of dark magic. Mysterious, and intellectual you have a good understanding of the world around you. You never just "go along" with things, and always do what you want to do-which isn't always the right thing-but nevermind! Interested, fun and generally quite friendly, you're a good person to know and a great person to have as a friend

??Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

Even though I did write 2-3 pages earlier today...

2004-08-21T18:57:00.000-07:00
Snoopy Dance.

My aunt, who lives in Conneticut, very, very near to NYC is asking me to come out to visit her! Not only have I always longed to go to NYC--for the fashion--but now, it's for the agents and editors.(My dream agent resides in Brooklyn!)

It has me wondering whether I could just enter a publishing house and speak with some editors. Lord knows that it would be my only shot at meeting with one and speaking with one outside of the annual RWA conference, seeing as how my local RWA chapter rarely, if ever has agents or editors visit them--I'm wondering whether I should take that trek down to SF.

But if I could, it would be a wonderful opportunity.

Anyways, I am beating myself over the head at this moment for continuing to be so hesitant with my writing. It partially stems from reading books, but mainly, it's myself doubting and second guessing my abilities and my story. My CP keeps telling me that the dialogue between my hero and heroine sparkles, and I can see it and am proud considering that I couldn't string a rational,un-stilted conversation together if my life depended on it, but I'm worried about their interactions! The last two chapters that I've written in mainly exposition and action, and minimal dialogue--in fact, there is just a smidgen of it--and I keep doubting things.

So, I am going to take a deep, deep breath and hold onto my chapters until I have at least the first 100 pages of this MS. I adore my CP's, I really do, they are insightful, honest and very helpful, but I'm such a worrier, that I begin to shut down when I get afraid that I won't meet the expectations that my previous actions have built up in other people.

2004-08-21T00:09:00.000-07:00
Something dumb that just occured to me: There are men out there named Duke, Marquis, Earl, Baron and Knight. How come there isn't anyone named Viscount?

2004-08-20T17:24:00.000-07:00
I'm beginning to hate the following phrases: "write the book of your heart." or "don't write for the market."

I've heard them from agents, authors and editors and I can read between the lines. What they really mean is: "if you want to sell your manuscript, write the book of your heart in a popular setting and don't make your characters too different from the norm."

They are looking for unique voices, but they don't want you to be too different from what is currently selling--which is a confusing stand point in itself.

Which is why, not only does my MS have a high concept that is relatable(Beauty & the Beast meets The Return of Martin Guerre/Sommersby, with a bit of Sleeping Beauty thrown in the mix), but I am going lie my pants off when I submit the story I'm working on. No dates, no setting--I'm just going to say that it's a historical romance, and if they press for a setting, I'm just going to say that it's pre-Regency. HA!

Because really, the time setting does not sell the book unless it is a Tradtional Regency. Other than auto-buy authors, it is the back blurb that catches the consumer's attention and then when they skim through the pages. I don't think a romance reader will walk into a book store and go "Even though the story sounds fascinating and first couple of pages have me wanting more, I'm not going to buy it because it isn't set in the [insert popular time era here] era."

I don't understand how publishers don't get that. It's not as if the spines of historical romances have the time periods stamped on them in order to differientate the time settings for the discerning reader, nor do they usually go about using the time period as a hook.

Hence, my deception! Now I must go brush up on my very rusty French.

(BTW, The Return of Martin Guerre is a fact-based story, read about it here.)

2004-08-19T16:04:00.000-07:00
Chapters are EVIL. I write them, then when I'm done, I know they really suck, and so I spend another day rewriting the entire thing--and most of the time, they are 100% different from their first version--and then entire time, I'm wondering WHY DON'T THEY COME OUT LIKE THIS THE FIRST TIME AROUND?

I'm still scratching my head, trying to figure that one out! I'm not really worried because I have plenty of time to finish this MS, and it's not as if it will take me months and months to write this MS, but I'm confused as to why the heck this continues to happen to me.

The first chapter was cool: the only thing I tweaked was the POV in the second scene, and everything was fine; but writing the rest of the chapters is like...towing rocks up a steep hill. Tedious. Of course I want my work to be as perfect as can be, and I don't mind reshaping it to be really great, but it is sooooooo freakin annoying and I wonder whether anyone else goes through this.

UGH

2004-08-17T20:44:00.000-07:00
I want to help the victims of the hurricane in Florida somehow, but I have no money! The first thing I saw when I signed onto AOL today was that people don't have any food. As someone whose gone hungry a few times, I feel for them. I think I'll surf on the web for some sort of donation site of some sort.

But, Wow! A few responses to my earlier post about the RWA. I am such a reactionary and revolutionist. I rarely get on a soapbox about every little thing, but when I do, I want to change things and shake things up. It's a quirk, I guess. I should join the RWA...and run for president! Mwuahaha. Just kidding, I don't think everyone would want to be run by a "kid".

I wrote the fourth chapter. As Ann Lamott said: Bird by Bird, and that is how I'm writing this. Not only does it make my chapters tighter and keeps my focus on what is happening one chapter exclusively--therefore enabling me to not go off into my usual unknown tangents--it keeps me from procrastinating throughout the day over writing a set amount of words.

Now, I was on Lori Foster's message board, and Kate Duffy says that you can pitch novellas to her. Well isn't that interesting. Besides the whole Brava contest, I think that it's neat to have the opportunity to pitch a novella as opposed to a full length novel. I wonder if it's only allowed for Brava, and not just for regular Kensington ST's.

And if you haven't joined Charlotte Dillon's RWC list, you should, it has over 900 members and the topics range from craft, to writing woes, to rejections, and talk prompts like the one I refrenced earlier. That topic is still going strong and surprisingly, quite a few people have said that they are fed up with the romance genre, because it is too stifling for what they write. I say, market your book as fiction and let it roll. The genre is a bit stifling, but if you really want to be published, you have to know how to get around things. Me, I am going to send a copy of the article about the Sofia Coppola movie with my submissions, because according to Evan Marshall, the main reason why historical genres close is because of the slim to none chance that the book could become a movie. And if the book is set in a location that would be very expensive, the book will be nixed. That isn't a guarantee of selling a book that isn't set in a traditional setting, but it's good advice anyways.

2004-08-17T12:24:00.000-07:00
Joely Sue Burkhart posted her goals for the end of 2004, and I thought that I'd post mine. They are in order of what I want to happen, but not in order of probability. But hey! I say, aim high, shoot high, and be high. It is a short list, but accomplishing them are worth more than 10 small goals, IMO.

Drum roll, please:

1. Finish Beauty At Midnight, critted, revised; the whole kit and caboodle
2. Obtain an agent
3. Sell to a publisher

Numbers 2 & 3 are hopefully with my dream agent and publisher/editor, and are 10% optional by December 31,2004, but I want them to happen and I am working on it happening. I really want to obtain an agent because then, I can have time to work on my paranormal/historical idea that I have been saving for quite some time.

*SIGH* I, like Elizabeth George, have a love/hate relationship with writing. It is so much fun to create a world of your own, but sometimes, it's so hard that I hate it. But I can't give it up, it'd be equivalent to cutting off my fingers(which, incidentally, I'd be unable to write if I didn't have any fingers, talking keyboard bedamned.)

2004-08-17T11:29:00.000-07:00
A Talk Prompt on Charlotte Dillon's RWC list today, finally made me realize why I am so dissatisfied with the RWA.

I commend the group for coming together during a time when the genre was booming, and authors had no way of knowing anything that had to do with writing, the market, publishers, agents,etc. But they need to move into the 21st century. I, and countless other people are proof that you don't need the RWA to go through the steps of becoming a published author.(Not that I'm published, just that agent and editor information is readily available on the internet.) Heck, even though Julia Quinn isn't an auto-buy author, she sold before she even joined the RWA.

I am skeptical of the RWA's ploy to attract readers with their movie slides, but that is another topic. My main point is that unless you have been living beneath a rock and don't know how to use a computer to network and search the internet, the RWA is basically useless. Contests gain you feedback, but more often than not, they have confused and discouraged most entrants because of the wacked out ways they judge combined with the fact that you really don't need talent to judge them. And as for the RITA? Not only do most people have no idea who a few of 2004's winners are, I see them as an award to give out so that authors who don't have "Best-seller" beneath their names won't feel left out.

Yeah, the national convention is a chance to schmooze with people and rub elbows with your favorite authors, and gain some insight into the industry, but the info that I've heard from this past convention hasn't been things I haven't already been hearing for quite some time.

But the main thing I am most peeved about is the fact that the RWA hasn't done a thing about the state of the genre. To me, it feels as though the publishers are running the authors, instead of the other way around, and the RWA--a group that is supposed to look out for romance author interests--has done nothing about it. If the marketing personel of publishing houses continue to declare that certain things don't sell, shouldn't it have been the RWA's priority to try and refute those claims so that their unpublished members would be able to sell their books. Shouldn't they promote diversity so that authors that are resting on their laurels would have to do something to change? Because all they are doing is re-newing their membership and not changing a thing about their writing. Shouldn't the RWA be about the AUTHORS instead of the MONEY? What are they doing down in Texas anyways?

To me, the RWA feels like a club-house. Just something to belong to because you're "supposed" to belong. No one is holding anyone accountable for the genre for fear of stepping on best-seller toes and getting the big names offended. And inside of that, I feel as though most published authors are reticent when speaking with unpublished authors, for fear that their "secret for selling" will be exposed. I thought we were all a "family". Ha!

I vacillate about joining, and only would to be able to get a discount of the conference. But until the RWA takes a stand and wrestles control of the genre from publisher hands, I am very disappointed in them.

2004-08-15T23:57:00.000-07:00
I spent all day rewriting the 2nd and 3rd chapters. The day after I wrote them, I hated them and totally ripped them apart, writing both of them from scratch. Well, the 2nd chapter does have two paragraphs from its original draft, but that's about it. Everything is brand new. I realized that the way I had it written, the pacing was completely OFF. It's because my stupid photographic memory kept popping up in my brain, recalling the pacing of a multitude of other books that were quasi-similar to this storyline. Damnation. I hate when that happens.

By the pacing being off, the entire dynamic of the first three chapters fell overboard--and that is horrible because it is the first three chapters that get agent's and editor's mouths watering for more. And so, I am going to let those chapters sit, ignore the tiny voices inside of my head that tell me that I am doing everything all wrong, and forge on.

But last night, I had the craziest dream about this guy. I swear, I have only seen this guy on tv maybe, three times--and that was when he was on SATC, and this dream came out of the blue. My dreams tend to come like that: aliens attacking, vampire running after me, characters from books that I've read making guest appearances in my dreams,etc,etc--aka pure craziness. To bad he can't dance. All that hotness wasted on an uncordinated body.

I did have a rant about rakes and bad-boys, but I'm too tired to type it. Perhaps tomorrow!

2004-08-14T02:08:00.000-07:00
I finished the third chapter. But I'm going to hold onto it for a tad, just to make sure it's A-OK before I send it to my CP's. To tell you the truth, having my first chapter really liked put a bit of pressure upon my to make the remainder of the chapters sing even higher than the ones before them. But I see it as a good thing, because it's keeping me on my toes and forcing me to pay close attention to every word I type out and each scene I choose to write, so I won't go off into my usual tangents. Plus, only writing one chapter at a time lessens the pressure I had previously put upon myself to produce a certain number of words a day.

But one thing that I do love about my current work is my dialogue. I shudder as I look at my early works because the dialogue is soooo stilted and unrealistic. I don't even know how that happened considering that I love to talk and I'm always listening to other people's conversations(I am a nosy person, but in a good way *G*). But within the past three months, my dialogue switch just turned on and my characters come to life. Of course, writing historicals, I have to watch what they say so they don't sound too modern, but I like it. The funny thing is that because I have to write more formal dialogue, my own speaking in real life has become a lot less slangy.

I was flipping through my Lucky magazine today and I discovered what was missing in my life: clothes! OMG, not only have I not purchased anything new in months, I haven't designed anything in nearly a year. That is so scary because from the age of 12 and on, I had thought that my primary career would be fashion design, and I've been sketching ever since, but as soon as I rediscovered books and writing, my inspiration for design fled and I lost interest in clothes. It feels so weird because fashion has been such an integral part of my life and because it had been gone for so long, I'd felt a bit out of sorts and I think that it was the missing link to connect me to my fully to my writing.

It seems like mostly everyone that writes didn't discover what they wanted to do until after they did something they thought they wanted to do. What inspired you to become a writer and not whatever else you were doing? Was it a flash of inspiration, or was it a gradual thing? Or was it something that you'd tried and put off along the years because of circumstances(or, rejection from long ago? I've heard some horror stories about people submitting something back in the 80's and when they recieved a rejection, never wrote again. O.O)

2004-08-13T00:47:00.000-07:00
Kirsten Dunst to Lose Head as Antoinette
Thursday Aug 12, 2004 8:00am EST
By Stephen M. Silverman

SET: Lost in Translation Oscar winner Sofia Coppola will write and direct Marie-Antoinette, starring Kirsten Dunst as the ill-fated French queen and Jason Schwartzman as her equally unlucky husband, Louis XVI. Production is due to begin in France in February, says the Hollywood Reporter. "I've always loved the story of Marie Antoinette and the decadence of Versailles on the brink of revolution," Coppola said, "and the fact she was just a teenager when circumstances forced her to play a significant role in history."

That is good news for me! Not only because I love that period and because Kirsten is one of my favorite actresses, but because the advent of this movie--and it is going to be high-profile--may tip the scales in my favor concerning my manuscript. Even though my book is set in the early 1780's, a good time before the Revolution. But it's still within Louis XVI's reign. Two other good movies for that period are Dangerous Liasons(the Glenn Close version) and The Affair of the Necklace, with Hilary Swank. Another fun thing, is that I discovered a set of tapes at my local library that focus on reinacting period dances. Yay for me.

I also just finished writing the second chapter of my MS, and I hope I'm keeping the tone intact. But then again, that is what my delightful CP's are for. I can't tell you how gratified I am with the positive responses I got from just my first chapter. And how thankful I am for having wonderful CP's.

Critiquing such an invaluable part of a writer's career. Not only because writing is such a solitary profession, but because other people are able to catch things that your mind glosses over. I can't see how some people don't have them at all! Is it a vanity thing, do you think?

The second chapter is going to be put aside for a rest so that I won't send it out and then catch the errors that I could have detected before. Impulsive me.

I also broke my rule of trying to not read romances while I write. But the traditional regency that I bought yesterday was calling me. I vastly prefer the trads from the 80's compared to todays. If you want to write Regencies--not even just traditionals, but historicals as well, those should be the template for them. The old traditionals have lush prose, sensual tone, and still possess that wittiness that they are known for.

2004-08-11T14:13:00.000-07:00
I'm procrastinating just a tad, staving off having to write--even though I truly do want to--by reading Alison Kent's "Indiscreet", a copy that I just picked up from my local UBS. She seems to be one of the few Blaze writers that I can read more than the first two or three chapters without bursting into laughter over how contrived the premise is. I'm still not a Harlequin fan, but if a premise from Blaze or HH seems interesting, I'll give it a try. Even though the majority of the time, I read some really crappy books.

I'm still mulling over the first chapter of my MS--I think I'll call it: Beauty. Or something. Whatever. Right after I finished writing the first chapter, it felt wrong, and I realized that I should re-write the second scene in the hero's POV instead of the original POV, my heroine's. But only because I want to keep the level of suspense high, as well as the fact that I didn't really reveal anything in her POV. So, a quick re-write of it, and then move on to the second chapter!

2004-08-11T02:29:00.000-07:00
Okay, so I had gotten on the computer Monday, and I thought I was primed and ready to work on that Victorian set romance. But word after word felt as though it was being squeezed out like water from a stone. And I felt something tugging on my right hand, and guess what it was! It was that frickin Beauty and the Beast/Sommersby plot that I had put away for safe keeping a month ago, tugging on my hand like a dog with a bone. I already told you that on late Sunday night, I had a flash of the entire opening of that MS, and I hurried up and wrote it down before it fled. But now, I have the feeling that instead of this more "marketable" story(I love it though, I do, it's just a tad "safe"), I should be writing that one.

And I had been bummed when nothing when come out of that B&tB story because I loved the premise and the setting. It was because of that, combined with that stupid rejection letter from an editor, that made me shelve it in lieu of writing a "safer" book. Now, I'm like marketschmarket. You know? I feel like writing is where I'm supposed to be, so I'm not going to worry about marketing my book before I even write it! And so, on Monday, I revised that first chapter that I had written on Sunday, and as of today(Tuesday...nah, I had to paint something), I am going to write one chapter of this book a day.

It nearly scares me to even think that! But by being able to be confident in writing one chapter a day, shows how much I have grown as a person and a writer. And what's even more scary is that the urge to submit the first three chapters to an agent before the entire thing is done isn't being held back like it was with other MS's I've had the previous urge with. Yowza, I feel like that's some sort of sign!

Another scary thing is the fact that I feel as though I should withold the usual bout of research I usually do(even though when I thought I was going to write this book a month ago, I read tons of books on 18th C France), and just WRITE. It's pretty liberating!

But yay! The effulgent and delightful Sylvia Day has put my website up under her Top Five page. Thanks a million, Sylvia!

I just appreciate and love how supportive and positive the romance authors I've been reciprocating blogging with and email are. We are the next generation of published authors and I think that we are going to be setting the standards of how authors should interact and write,etc in the coming years. Isn't that a daunting prospect?

2004-08-09T17:27:00.000-07:00
I am seriously considering hand writing my MS. Not only do I 1) hate having to go through the motions of turning the computer on everyday and adjusting all the stupid MS Word options, 2) the internet is too much of a temptation 3) I hate being tied down to this computer & 4) sitting at the computer for such long stretches hurts.

So far, by the end of today, I'll have 10 pages and at least two chapters, but I know I could have gotten more done in five hours if I was away from the computer and in a freer environment. I would love to have a laptop or an AlphaSmart because I could sit however I wanted and wherever I want. But those things cost money I don't have and I have to make do. On this computer that barely has any memory for alot of my MS's.

All of you people out there with comfy writing spaces and nice or new computers, I envy you to pieces! But until either a) I sell and get my advance or b) my mom gets a raise, I am stuck!

2004-08-09T11:10:00.000-07:00
There are times when I really want to strangle myself, and last night was it. Remember that Beauty and the beast type story set in late 18th century France that I had to put a halt to because my mind wouldn't focus on it? Yeah, that one. Well, last night, it was like a frickin light switch was flipped up and I had the entire first chapter in my brain. So I went and wrote it down. And then when I went to bed, my braid picked at everything that was wrong with it. Now, I'm not going to write it all the way right now, I just feel like strangling myself because it didn't happen a few months back. Gah!

I got this from LLB's blog about her experiences at the RWA conference:
Historical romance authors, and not only those who write for Harlequin Historicals, are feeling a bit insecure these days if they aren't writing lighter books. This came across loud and clear from some unexpected sources, and quite frankly scared me as we're not talking mid-list here, but lead authors.

Is that insane or what? Is the average historical romance reader clamoring for lighter fare a la Julia Quinn, Pamela Britton, Karen Hawkins,etc? Not that I don't enjoy their books--especially the lovely Pamela Britton--but what about those authors who tend to stick with a moodier tone and are still successful? It's rather crazy to think about. And then what's even more funnier, is that apparently, Julia Quinn's latest was alot darker than her previous books--and Eloisa Bridgerton's book was darker as well. Is the industry flip-flopping or what?

I was reading an article in the latest issue of EW(Entertainment Weekly), and it was about why Hollywood isn't able to find "the next _________"(Julia Roberts, Denzel, Brad Pitt,etc). And one quote stuck out. The person that was quoted said that Hollywood isn't taking the time to develop actors in the rush to get them and their movies out there. Doesn't that sound like our industry? Publishers arent taking the time to nurture authors and are over-working their slimmed down editorial staff in efforts to produce for the consumer.

In a way, it is "our" fault. That is, society's need to have everything at lightening speed. And so, because "we" want everything right now, the product isn't as good as it could be, and then when the product isn't good, the demand starts to diminish, leaving the supply over-stocked. And then what happens? The supplier blames the market(ie: consumers don't want a certain thing, so they aren't buying it) and yanks the rug from beneath that supply.

H/S anyone? And even the ST publishers. Apparently the rise in interest for Regency romances and Regency Historicals came about during the influx of Jane Austen adaptations of 1998-2001 or so, and so publishers began to turn their authors onto writing in that period, and they acquired authors that submitted Regency-set historicals, and the demand for the supply was brisk, and the quality began to pall because anyone that could write a mediocre regency with stock regency characters could sell. And then the demand began to gradually trickle off. And what did publishers do(and are beginning to do right now?) They blamed the market(ie: ALL historical romances aren't selling well because no one wants to read them anymore).

Hm. If 90% of the historicals printed are set in the Regency era, and 50% of them aren't even good, what else do you think is going to happen? The other 10% of historicals being printed that are in other eras are either hard to find, or aren't as good either--unless they are being written by best-selling authors, but then alot of those authors have since switched to other genres or are writing Regencies. And the market keeps sinking and sinking because the publishers like the blame consumers instead of themselves.

But enough of that. I need to get off of this internet so I can immerse myself into my late Victorian period in order to begin writing today. And no more reading romances! They keep messing me up by making me stress over my own personal style and voice and tone. So, only non-fiction shall be read during the week-days.

2004-08-07T14:49:00.000-07:00
I'm reading Donald Maas' Writing the Breakout Novel, and it is very good. Sitting by the wayside is Vogler's Hero's Journey, and Evan Marshall's two books(I forgot their titles).

I begin writing this story that I've been working and re-shaping for about three weeks on Monday, and while it is only a first draft, I want it to be the best first draft ever so that I am able to build upon it and layer it without erasing the bright spots and the tone,voice and style of it. A few months ago, spending alot of time plotting and molding an MS would have made me bored by it, made to believe that if it doesn't come quick, it's not worth it. Thank God I was released from that train of thought. I believe that it is that kind of thinking that stumps new writers & earns them all those rejections.

Writing is a talent, but on talent do great novels not make. There is no "formula" to writing a great book that grasps the readers heart and mind, but there are steps and processes to do it, and that is what I am focusing on. I feel very strongly about this first trilogy because the premise or theme is something that I had to deal with during my growing up years. And what's funny, is that when the trilogy popped into my mind, I didn't even recognize that my subconcious had injected them with it.

So far, I have 65 3x5 cards with scenes on them and I don't even think I am at the halfway mark of my book. I nearly panicked at that, and I nearly panicked because I'm trying to follow my Hero's Journey. But I forced that panic away because, as Vogler does say inside the book: it isn't a set of rules, it's just a guide. And I keep that in mind whenever I worry that everything isn't going how it should be going. This book is basically written by 90% faith and 5% craft and 5% talent. I don't even know what's going to happen in the end! But I do know that it will fit and close the book successfully.

Another thing that ties into forcing away anxiety is my former anxiety about time. I was supposed to have began writing this book last monday, so that during the full four weeks of August would have been devoted to writing this book. But it didn't feel complete. And so I used this first week of August to push those missing pieces together. A few months ago, I would have just written the book and ignored the nagging voice in my mind that told me that the process wasn't complete. And guess what happened then? The book fell apart.

But because I have ignored the tiny calendar inside of my brain, I feel free to use however much time I need to perfect this novel before I send it out to agents. It's total sabotuage of my career to assume that because I have a natural gift and I feel that this is what I am going to do for the rest of my life, that I can write however and whatever I want, send it in even if I have slight reservations about it, and watch the offers roll in. STUPID. But as they say: ignorance is youth. And writing has helped me grow in ways that if I had gone to college and partied with my friends and did whatever in school, I wouldn't have. So, now I feel confident in whatever comes my way. Rejections? I'll be glum, but I'll use it as a stepping block. Acceptance? I'll be estatic, but know that my career has just begun. Sold? I'll be even more estatic, but I'll know that I can handle it.

2004-08-05T02:14:00.000-07:00
Lydia Joyce posted an insightful speech about respect for the romance genre, and I began to think. I'm quoting her in order to respond.

I know for a fact that I've always had respect for this genre. If I didn't, I wouldn't be writing it or reading it. It's more than just the amount of effort it takes to write a 400 or less page romance novel: it's just sheer love of reading about two people that I've come to care about fall in love and change and grown as people in order to love each other in a healthy way.

"Recently, I've heard a lot of writers say things like, "I don't aspire to write like the next John Grisham or Michael Crichton or anything--I just want to write nice romance books."

Not aspiring to be like someone at the top is aiming low before you get shot down. It's simple fear of rejection. It's human nature to downtrod something they really love or enjoy for fear of rejection in many different ways: ostracism from peers or confidants, regular rejection from someone whose opinion mattered to you,etc. What exactly is a "nice romance book" anyways?

"Judges in contests before I sold told me that no one would want to publish a romance with "so many big words" or a heroine who "wasn't nice." I've been told at least a dozen times that I shouldn't take my craft, my genre, or my research so seriously, that romance readers "just want a nice story. They don't want literature."

Playing it safe. That is something that I've had to think about when I take a step back & look at my work. Looking back at the new plots and MS's that I have strewn about my room, most of my characters aren't "likable". That is, likable by romance genre standards. I don't see them as characters, I see them as people I created in my mind, that could be someone in real life. And as for not needing to take anything seriously, once you pour your heart and soul into something you love and have a passion for, why wouldn't you take it seriously? If you don't, it's truly just a hobby, or something you dabble in just to say that you do it(because everyone else is).

"If my book isn't the best damn thing that my readers have read that entire year, I am doing something wrong. If my book doesn't haunt my readers for days after they finish it, I'm doing something wrong. If my book--if every single one of my books--does not blow my readers away, I am doing something wrong. If my book does not affect my readers' lives in some small way, I am doing something wrong...too many writers are frankly comfortable with this kind of career. It drives me crazy because such laziness hurts us all. When you finish a mediocre book, you don't mind waiting to pick up the next. When you finish a great book, though, you burn for more.Not only does laziness hurt us, but it makes publishing houses not want to take risks. If there are 10 books a year with almost the same theme being released to nicely plump numbers, why would they want to take a risk on something new?"

Exactly. I am utterly devastated(in a good way) when I read a book that is so mind-blowingly awesome. That feeling you get when you read the last word is something that doesn't occur too often. I aspire for my own works to blow others away. Sure, not everyone is going to appreciate my work, but those that do, I want them to mull over my book for days, and be eager to buy more from me. And one of the points of writing a book is to gain a fanbase. But if your writing is nothing to get excited about, no one is going to anticipate anything you have coming down the alley.

And not only does it ruin your career, but as Lydia said, it ruins it for the rest of us. I've had an earlier rant about current best-selling authors resting on their laurels and how it frustrates me because since they have such a big and loyal fan base, they have the power to lead(my historical time eras rant ties into this). I don't understand how you could not want to move, or grow and expand as a writer by dabbling in something you've never done before.

And as with Lydia, my first books were lazy. I started writing in the Regency era because everyone and their grandmother were writing in it. I know for fact that I rehashed cliches and tired plots because I figured that if everyone else was selling it, I could too. But then I grew very disatisfied with the genre, and with myself. My writing wasn't growing at all because I was subconciously copying others and was afraid to step outside of the box for fear that I'd never sell if I followed my heart. Yes, I do have a few MS's that might never see the light of day until I gain establishment, but I am proud that I was able to overcome my fear of rejection and do something that I want to do.

I still struggle with the lure of being mediocre sometimes, especially as I am plotting this book with a heroine that is sanctimonious, priggish and controlling. In my first attempts at writing this story, I softened her considerably. But then the story kept halting because I wasn't staying true to my character. I had to force myself away from the keyboard and sketch out everything to do with her in order to make myself comfortable with writing her out, fully fleshed, irritating and all. I will never forget the advice I recieved from my senior Government teacher, Mr. Savorn. "Whenever you feel yourself becoming comfortable where you are, that means it's time to move on." He wasn't even talking about writing, but that sticks in my mind whenever the fear of rejection and the doubt that accompanies it creep over my shoulders.

Nowadays, I merely skim over the Lunch deals and market news. You know why? Because it's not important. If that story is wonderful and you know how to hook and reel that editor or agent in with the right pizzaz, the so-called "market" is irrelevant.

2004-08-04T05:45:00.000-07:00
NYT bestselling author Jane Green's THE OTHER WOMAN, to Clare Ferraro at Viking and Plume, with Trena Keating editing, in a major deal, reportedly for over $3 million, for publication beginning in spring 2005.

Hot diggety dog! 3 million bucks for one book? First of all, I had no idea who Jane Green was, so I googled her. And my assumptions were correct: she is one of those snarky, witty, humorous British chick-lit novelists. I don't know why, but I am suspicious of those sort of authors. *g*

But speaking of Money, Pamela Britton stated that she kept hearing whispers that even NYT best-selling authors aren't getting the high advances they used to. Hm. That is crazy. But I'll speak on Dallas rumors some other time.

But you know what I want to see more of? Edwardian/Turn of the century romances. As I was reading a book called Social Calendar, which is about the social life of late Victorian to pre WWII England, it is interesting to see that their lives were exciting, and maybe more so than their Regency counterparts. Ignoring the modern things, think about it: skiing in the Swiss Alps, India, New Zealand & Australia and opals, Monte Carlo's gambling dens, cruises. It seems like so much fun and a hot bed of romance plots. I'm already setting six books in the 1890's, but now I want to write a book set in Edwardian times sometime in the future.

Oh, and I am forcing myself away from this dratted computer in order to finish plotting. I spend entirely too much time reading email and reciprocating blog comments, as well as visiting my favorite review sites and message boards. The internet is evil.

2004-08-03T02:23:00.000-07:00
I would have been very, very, very MAD if I had written today, as per schedule. But I didn't, and I saved my fingers and my brain some heartache.

Why? Because, after I brushed up my skills by reading a book on Character & Viewpoint and Scene & Structure, the beginning of my book kept nagging at me. Because when I kept looking at it, it sounded better in Lucas, my hero's POV. But I didn't want to start off with his POV because he had to disrupt Noelia, my heroine's, ordered world, and it had to be through her eyes, because she is the one who has to change the most. And so, after a few brainstorms, my beginning--and their first meeting--became even more dramatic and disrupting to my heroine. And it's funny to boot. And what is even more hilarious is that this new beginning has set the tone that I wanted for the story from the get-go: humorous, sensual and witty--ie; my voice. Yeah, I can do darker, and dangerous sex appeal, but I feel most comfortable in a sensual and humorous tone.

But now, because I changed the beginning, which changed the tone, which then changed the pacing, I had to rearrange my plot cards around & eliminate some, and now, I have to erase a bit of the direction my mind had gone before. Darn, that is so frustrating. But I'm going to sleep on it, and if you haven't already checked out my newly designed website, click the link to the left.

2004-08-02T17:20:00.000-07:00
I'm jealous. A bit. I wish I could have gone to the RWA conference, but oh well. In the words of Doris Day: que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.

I'll probably attend next years, in Reno, since it's only an hour away from me. And I'm praying, and hoping that I'll be attending as a published author with something to hand out to people. The real thing that I'm jealous of is meeting authors. For real, forget about meeting agents and editors just yet, I wanted to meet some of my favorite authors.

But, thanks to Marguerite, my website is beautiful! I also added two more excerpts onto the site, so go check it out.

So, I'm going to spend the rest of the day finishing the plotting of my novel, because I changed my mind about writing it without knowing what's going to be happening down the road. So far, I have about 1/4 of the story finished, and 3/4's to go(obviously). I like pacing myself because not only does it allow me to take my time to make sure each scene and word counts, I won't stress myself out and cramping my hands up.

But, that's all for now!

2004-07-29T18:47:00.000-07:00
Writing is a bit like sculpting or painting.

Whenever I would whip out my paints and paintbrushes, or a block or marble and chisle, or clay, I would have a clear picture in my mind of what I wanted my masterpiece to look like.

Of course, the first efforts aren't exactly masterpieces. And so, I would have to work, and rework, shape and reshape, paint and repaint my materials over and over again--sometimes up to six or seven times until I was able to step back, squint my eyes and see that it turned out as close as it could possibly be to what the picture in my mind was. There were also a few surprises to be seen: the hair color of the subject had changed with each brush stroke, or the placement of the subject's arm had changed with each chip, or the curve of the pot had narrowed or widened, or whatever came in between what my mind saw, and what my fingers did.

I always keep that in the forefront whenever I start and finish my first drafts. Sometimes draft anxiety creeps upon me, or even draft arrogance(you know, when that first draft turns out alright--to you--but your frickin critique partner's tell you otherwise), and I have to remind myself of the process my artwork took. It's a layering process. Everything's not going to come out spectacular the first time around, but that doesn't mean it'll suck either.

Anyways! Have I got a Book for YOU!
Leslie LaFoy's latest had been hovering through the edges of my mind for the longest time, and when I saw it in Wal-Mart, I just had to snap it up. And I was not disappointed. The Perfect Temptation, was just the sort of historical romance to pull me out of the reading slump Sookie Stackhouse had put me in. It seems that I sort of burnt myself out on historical romances because they weren't inspiring enough, or deviating from the norm. Not to say that I haven't read some jewels this year(Eloisa James, Karen Ranney, Julianne MacLean,Laura Lee Guhrke,etc), but after reading those gems, my mind hadn't been stimulated.

This book stimulated. And I'm not even talking about hot sex, or burning sexual tension. I'm talking about a book that made me sit up and pay close attention to every word that flew out of the character's mouths, every action they made, every exposition they made; and it was wonderful. I am completely awed over the skills La Foy used to lure me into this book and make me forget about the time of day.

Aidan and Alex's relationship unfurls completely different from most relationships in historical romance. Yes, they find each other attractive, and Yes, Aidan would like to bed her, but that, nor their personal experiences/internal conflicts, govern their every move, and every thought. At first, I was a bit leery because I had no idea what made the characters tic within the first 100 pages, but as I began to probe the dialogue and actions, I began to form a clearer and clearer picture of all the characters in the book.

Watching Aidan and Alex fall in love was similar to watching a really, really good romance movie: they talked, they enjoyed each other's company, they battled, and they genuinely cared about each other. I haven't seen a relationship so complex, yet so simple in a very, very long time. The pacing of the book is slower than I'm used to, but it fits with the plot and the characters very nicely. I am now on pins and needles, awaiting for her next release, The Perfect Desire, in January, as well as wanting to glom her backlist.

2004-07-28T17:30:00.000-07:00
As you can probably see, it's official. My pen name has changed.

What makes it even more permanant(a bit), is the fact that I put up my temporary website(I don't feel in the mood to put myself in early debt just to have a domain and expensive webdesign. A simply designed site, hosted on a free webserver, with the basics of information is just fine for the moment), and it just feels....right. I can't describe it, but seeing my new pen name on the site seems very real in some odd, spacey sort of way; as if it's meant to be.

But anyways, here's the link: click it.

ALSO, my Brava entry is on there. I took the plunge and revised the excerpt my CP loved so much and submitted it to the contest. Who knows what will happen with it, but finally, finally, I like it. So go read it and tell me what you think.

2004-07-28T02:13:00.001-07:00
I love Liz Carlyle.

I just finished read No True Gentleman, and my esteem of her writing capabilities is rising with each book. I just read it, and am utterly captivated by how well she is able to evoke the mood and atmosphere of her novels. And the funny thing is, is that these books are set in Regency England. Romances this sensual, atmospheric and lush aren't usually set in the Regency period, which makes Liz's books stand out even more. I want my books to read like that: lyrical, seductive,atmospheric,etc.

Now I have to make an appointment with my bank account and hopefully go on a backlist buying spree at my local UBS. And her book titles. I adore her book titles. I don't know whether she picks them or not, but whomever has chosen them is awesome.

I just went to her website again, and LOL, her heroine of her upcoming book is named Sidonie--how's that for a coincidence? And apparently, she is going to be in an Avon anthology coming out in January--double the fun because Eloisa James is going to be in it.

I know that Avon is famous for purportedly publishing the same stuff over and over again, but I am jealous! A reason why I would love to write for them is because they have a strong backbone in historicals, and they have lots of anthologies that are opportunities to get unknown names out there(ie; Lady W & Mia Ryan). I don't see the other publishing houses doing that. Plus, the fact that most of the popular historical romance authors write for Avon. The only thing I have against them, is that because they have so many historical romance authors, a new author may get swept under the rug unless buzz has generated for their releases. Yes, it's true of other houses as well, but for one as big as Avon, it's the kiss of death.

2004-07-28T01:30:00.000-07:00
I just realized that I didn't like my pen name.

It is relevant to me and all--my mother's side of the family being Irish, my youngest cousin's name is Alexander--but then I realized that if I use it, it will be how I shall be addressed for the rest of my writing career. And it's odd, because everytime someone addresses me by it, it's jarring to my ear(or eyes).

And so, I am in the process of changing it. First, I went through a baby name book and wrote down all of the girl's names I liked, picked the top 12, then went through the boys section and picked out some names that sounded like last names, and then I wrote the first names on cards and wrote the last names on a piece of paper and matched them up to see how well they went together. It was a hard choice: I have to choose between Sidonie Fairbanks, Carissa Charles, & Carys Lansing.

I myself am leaning towards Sidonie Fairbanks, and am 80% sure I'm going to use that. It's French for appealing, and Fairbanks is the surname of one of my favorite silent movie era actors.

One of the main factors that went into this change is branding. As I was looking through my latest issue of the Rhapsody Book Club, I noticed that a few covers had the author's surname printed larger than their first name. And I realized that it was branding the author's name. There are plenty of people(author's that is), whose first names could be Julia, but when you see the name "Quinn", you know who it is. The same with "Quick", "Lowell", "Medeiros", "Coulter",etc. And I realized that I also didn't want to ride on another author's coattails by having a similar or same surname as them. I want my own brand name. And I like Fairbanks. It sounds aristocratic, yet soft on your tongue.

2004-07-27T14:36:00.000-07:00
I think my CP, Dailey, is lying her butt off.

So, yesterday, I wrote a new Brava exerpt, a historical set in the Regency era that I didn't want to write, but I ended up doing it anyways.(my brain argued with itself over it one side was like "write it!", the other side was like "don't write it!", "yes!", "no!","yes!","no!"...as you can tell, my brain is a little skitzo.). But anyways, so I wrote it, and sent it to Dailey.

I get on today, and she is in alt over it! I've never seen her this excited over something I wrote before(hmm...is that a bad thing?lol), and I do not believe her excitement. Immediately after I sent it to her, I was like "It sucks, it realy sucks, I know it does, it sucks!", so now I'm in a state of disbelief. Of course it needs editing because it was a 1 1/2th draft(haha, is there such thing?), but I don't believe it's that compelling. I think I need a second opinion...

2004-07-27T02:45:00.000-07:00
I'm pissed off at Blogger. I post my entries, and I don't see them until like, a day after I posted them! I have yet to even see the post I made earlier yesterday(Mon, that is). If they don't fix this, I'm going to get irate. It's probably a combination of having 70+ posts, Blogger acquiring a foreign blogger company therefore having to add more people to their database, as well as having a whole bunch of other users. But I'm not going to use something else, I've been with Blogger since 2000.

But anyways, a few hours ago, I wrote the first chapter of the first book in my Francesca Witherspoon series. It got tha ya-ya's Sookie Stackhouse stuck on me out--somewhat. And I like the first chapter. Of course, I have to get used to writing in first person again(haven't done that since I thought I was going to single-handedly bring the gothic romance back to life!), as well as being less formal with the style. Cuz see, third person POV is rather formal compared to first person POV, because it's someones thoughts and impressions from the bat, and most people don't think formally in their head. Unless they're weird.

So, I think I shall write a chapter a day on that book for this week, and then in August, I'll get my first book, I'm just calling it "Wicked"-a little dumb, a little predictable, but I can't find a suitable title for a late Victorian set romance with a trying-to-reform rake and an uptight debutante set mainly in an orphanage/home. But the thread of the story is tinily taken from "The Taming of the Shrew", but not really, so that title is irrelevant. Did that all make sense?

My mouth is zipped tight from talking about Sookie Stackhouse again. I Sookie-d myself out spreading the word. But don't you do that when you read a spectacular book? I know I do.

Dido's cd, "Life for Rent", is so relaxing. I've been listening to it every day for the past couple days and I can't not listen to it. Everytime I try to put something else in there(like Evanescence or Alicia Keys), as soon as the cd is over, I have to pop Dido's back in there. I tend to do that alot with cd's, and because of it, I can pop a cd into the player and the entire cd can take me back to a time in my life. Like, Christina Aguilera's debut cd takes me back to when I was obsessed with Buffy/Spike fanfiction and was on the computer all the time reading it, talking about it, writing it, and running a site about it. But hey, the site is still up. Visit it here. I haven't updated it in a long time because all the files are on a computer that doesn't have internet access. I do miss running my fansites. Perhaps I'll put them back up when I get a good computer.

So, I procrastinated with writing Lucas'(the hero of "Wicked") "hero's journey" in order to delete and read all of my email, as well as get in the mood to even write the new Brava exerpt and the FW chapter. I think that now that I've cleared mostly everything up, my writing mood will be back on track. And oh yeah! Teresa Medeiros' new book is out today! Even though I did see it in Wal-Mart on sunday(those gun jumpers), and I'm debating whether to get it.

See, I think I have 19 dollars in my checking account, and I still haven't gotten Pamela Britton's "Scandal" yet--I have to support her, she is so damn nice.So that's like...5.99+5.97+tax. And CA tax is so wacky, it'll probably clear my friggin bank account out. Thank the Lord above in the heavens that my library got all of these May 2004 releases in their catalogue! I put requests on Gaelen Foley's book, Connie Brockway's, Christina Dodd's and a few others. Oh, and I also saw Leslie LaFoy's book in Wal-Mart. I think I may have to take a little stroll over there and read a couple books.

But I hate not having a car or knowing how to drive. Riding public transportation in Sacramento is so complicated. And I hate the fact that it's so public. Gah! I've met some interesting characters on the bus, and have been hit on by 99.999999% of them! I'm like, how am I gonna date someone that rides the bus too? What are we gonna be like? "Oh, I'll take this bus and you take the other one, and we'll meet at this stop and take the train here." lmao. That is so lame. I'm sticking to guys with cars, but it's hard to find quality in a town with a very high divorce rate, not to mention people obsessed with one night stands! I think Sacramento is the inspiration for the Harlequin secret baby books, I swear.

2004-07-26T16:28:00.000-07:00
It appears that my email rant caused a few people problems. I'm deleting it. Not because I regret what I wrote, but because I am considering the aforementioned people's feelings. But 1) this is my own personal blog. 2) I am allowed to write whatever I want because it is mine 3) I don't disrespect others. If I have a problem with someone or something, I will go to them and politely state my difference with them. Perhaps I should put a disclaimer on here? *g* But anyways; onward young cowboy, onward!

But some good news! I won an ARC of a Katie MacAlister book. Yay me! I love winning things regardless of what it is. And also, I spent all day yesterday using Christopher Vogler's book to plot my novel. That book is amazing! It has helped clear of plotting clouds and character clouds. The only thing I'm still working on, is the ending, but I'm hoping that an unknown ending is a good thing.

I'm going to pacing myself extensively. I have to calm myself down whenever I think about writing this first draft for a month and then seeing that it's nearly September and the year is nearly over. But I know that time is irrelevant to a good story. I'm not going to rush this book out and send it, only to get rejected when I could have taken lots of time to make it as wonderful as my mind has it. The main thing is gaining an agent. The subsequent books with this series will come after I get the book deal. And I'm hoping that I gain representation by the end of this year(a publishing deal is also squeezed in), and I'm gunning for being able to have two books come out in my first year, whether it be 2005 or 2006.

ALSO, three more books sprung forth from the original trilogy and it is so exciting.

I'm also free-writing this Brava targeted romantica exerpt-for Lori Foster's contest-that is hilarious and uber-sexy. I just hope that I can find someone to crit it, because my newly joined crit groups download their subs to a folder online and my stupid, stooopid computer won't allow me to do it. I really prefer being able to send the subs through email.

I'm also working on "branding" myself. As in, finding a logo that will allow people to know that something is by me, and something that will be associated with me. And I found it! Fans. I adore fans and I will be gunning for all of my covers to have it on them.

Reading-wise. Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series has put me into a reading slump! I adore Sookie & Co, and after reading "Dead to the World", I just could not, could not get into anything else. I picked up Lisa Kleypas' "Suddenly You", I was not feeling it. I picked up a Dark-Hunter novel, it made me laugh it was so corny and confusing, and then I picked up a Jane Feather book, hoping that she would pull me out. But no, she didn't. And I've re-read DttW five times already, and then re-read Dead in Dixie again! I can't get enough of Sookie! Maybe Anita Blake is as good as it? I'm going to check it out.

2004-07-22T02:20:00.000-07:00
Doubt is sitting on one shoulder, and impatience on the other.

Two lethal weapons of mass destruction for an author. I think those are even worse than having "writer's block". But then again, writer's block most likely stems from those two demons.

But I did figure out what is missing from this story: the prigishness and hauteur of the heroine, Noelia. I kept making her this unsatisfied person, when in fact, she was quite satisfied with the way her life was going, up until the hero, Lucas showed up. I changed her too fast in under 100 pages, and the story was going wonky. No wonder I kept feeling that the scenes I was writing belonged in different parts of the story. And so, back to the drawing board I go.

Not that there's alot to draw on that board, I just have to reconfigure everything and fit it together. And correct my pacing. The pacing keeps fleeing from me and making the book faster than it should. I read Karen Ranney's latest yesterday, and just finished Susan Wiggs The Hostage, and the pacing was stupendous. Of course, I have no idea what the first drafts looked like, but I'm sure they have their stories pacing down by now.

But I have to pull myself out of the mode I was in during the first half of this year: of playing "catch-up". Because I started writing late last year, I felt behind everyone, and so I pushed, and pushed, and pushed myself to gain on everyone's tales. It was good in that I was able to set goals and meet them, as well as increasing my writing skills at a phenomenal rate, but now that I have the time to relax, and allow the story to bloom at it's own pace, I keep getting impatient, and then the doubt sneaks in the back door because the story isn't unfurling its petals the way it had before. Now, bear in mind, my earlier stories shall never see the light of day, but I was still able to write stuff. But then, that is my point: what came out quickly wasn't that great.

I can write a book in two weeks, if I write 10,000 words a day, five days a week. But why should I, when I have plenty of time to develop and nurture this story. And I can't give it up because I know it is a marvelous story, and that the two connecting stories are stupendous. I just need to take a deep breath and relax.

And so, tommorrow, or should I say today, I am going to be a busy bee, reorganizing everything and moving the already written scenes around to fit within the context of the story much better. But I'm not going to get uber-technical with it. Because technical-ness ruins my creativity. And oh yeah, that whole thing about "knowing the rules to be able to break them" is so true. Now that I know the rules, I know what can be broken and how, and it makes my writing alot smoother.

2004-07-21T01:54:00.000-07:00
Don't you hate that you hit a stride in your writing just when you need to go to bed?

That happened to me today. The first day of writing is always easy and smooth for me, but the subsequent days are a struggle. Especially those days when I can't hit that rhythm I had the day before, and I end up writing at least half of what I wrote the previous day.

I don't think I'll give up writing this MS from scratch because it is so liberating. And everytime my mind tells me that some historical detail may be wrong, or it makes me hesitate because I don't feel "grounded" enough in the period, I shut it up because when I go back and revise everything, then I can add the period touches and lush writing that I like to do. I have to keep in my mind that the first draft is the naked draft; each revision is like laying on an article of clothing.

But I purchased Karen Ranney's So In Love because even though I've never read a book by her, she seems so "real", and what I have read from her is lush, lyrical and emotional without the whining or self-pity that fills books that try to pass themselves off as "tortured heros/heroines" or "emotional journeys". This is the real thing, and I am taking notes.

I'm also curbing my impatience. An agent who represents some really big names is keen on reading a submission. Formerly, I would probably think to write the first three chapters, get them critted and then send them off. But I want to take my time with this MS. It won't do to try and rush things and mess up-especially with the prices of postage these days. So I am going to pour myself into this MS and make it the best alone draft I can before I send it to be critted by others. And then after that, it will be polished to my standard of perfection and sent off.

I was talking with my CP Dailey, and I asked her whether she felt the stress would disappear once an agent was acquired. Of course she agreed with me on "yes". It's true though. Once you acquire an agent, you can devote more time to your craft and writing instead of when you're unpublished and you're constantly in a scramble to write something that could possibly be agent-acceptable, and spend the interim between recieving a rejection or acceptance letter on pins and needles. Not that acquiring and agent, as well as finding a publisher will make all of your worries go away, but it releaves the unpublished author anxiety quite a bit. Unless you get an agent that doesn't mesh with you at all. But that is a whole 'nother ballgame.

Alison Kent said that she agreed with Mrs. Giggles latest rant. And I do too. If the women's fiction and chick-lit(in all of its incarnations), books in the vein of Bombshell,etc are leaping by bounds in the market, how come the traditional romance market isn't following? Why aren't there any new elements being added to the market? Not to say that there aren't gems out there, there are alot of them, but I'm referring to the new blood and near-new blood, and maybe authors who hit their peak a long time ago and are at a plateau or on a decline. Or even unpublished authors whose books keep getting turned down because they don't fit within the confines of the marketing department? Yes, there are e-pubs. But ignoring the quality debate, you aren't going to be able to support yourself the way you possibly could with a NY publisher.

2004-07-19T12:14:00.000-07:00
I scored big time at the book sale.

Among various historical romances by Roberta Gellis and Jennifer Blake, I got the first three Sookie Stackhouse books in one hardcover volume! I read all three over the weekend and want more! They series is low-rent Buffy, but in a good and sexy way. But poor Sookie, she gets the crap beat out of her in all three books and I wonder how the hell the girl survives in the subsequent books. But her vampires and Were's and shifters are sexy. But the name Bill. It kills me. I know it's supposed to be funny, but between the sideburns and his name, I had a hard time bringing up a picture of him in my mind as I was reading. Even though his character is sexy, everytime I saw his name, I had to push away to image of a pudgy, middle aged white man in horn-rimmed glasses and try and superimpose it with the guy on the cover at least. But I kept failing.

But I am in awe of Charlaine Harris with the third book. I am in awe because she managed to make me happy about a twist in Bill and Sookie's relationship, and the end paragraph still cracks me up. I really do need to start working on my own series!

I aslo finished reading the cheesiest romance I've ever read: Enslaved by Virginia Henley. GOOOOOD grief that book was cheesy and corny. It was supposed to be some hybrid of time-travel, historical and metaphysical romance, but it was so stupid. Diana, the heroine didn't even go back in time until chapter seven, and that was after VH introduced all of the characters and had Diana do the stupidest things ever. The hero, Marcus, bid on Diana in the "present" time(18th C England), and then, his ancestor became the hero when Diana went back into time. Then, after Diana died in the past time, she came back to the present time and was babbling about her experiences, and she and the present day Marcus got together. But what killed me was the skanky homo-villain sex in the "past". I couldn't believe she put that in there. I'm still bemused. But yeah, that book is uber-cheese. I could put it in a microwave and pour it over my macaroni.

Anyways, on the writing front, I'm reading Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott. Teresa Medeiros recommended it and I am ever so grateful. It has the right amount of snarkiness and humor that I like and Lamott strips down the pretensions that writers and wanna-be's sometimes have about the business and craft.

I also was able to sketch out the late-Victorian trilogy and I am excited to start it. The first book is set in London, the second in Egypt, and the third one is set in New York. But the third one, I finally finished late last evening. At first, I had the hero, a prig, flee to France, but it wasn't dramatic enough for me, so I moved it to America. And the hunt for his heroine was on. My first thought was to make it a Western, but nothing was coming to my mind. Then, I figured out that my prig, Robert, wouldn't be that drastic, and that he'd go some place that was somewhat similar to London for his "adventure". And BAM, a scene materialized in my mind and I had his heroine and the plot. In this book, I finally found use for my con-artist heroine and her crooked family, as well as she's passing for white to swindel people. It's so clever. In fact, the entire trilogy is clever.

I kept fighting for the book to be nearer to the Regency era, and further from the turn of the century--because of my now dissapated time period snobbery--, and guess what influenced my decision? Fashion. Lol. I kept seeing my heroine's in Belle Epoque fashion, and then, it dawned on me that if one of my heroine's was going to be in Egypt and excavating, the wide skirts of the early/mid Victorian era were not practical. Ergo, the time period of my books. I'm happy about them and I'm starting on the first one today, from scratch. No book research or anything, because if I do, I know I will put off writing for at least another week and I need to do this.

I have also changed my Brava entry idea. The historical plot, I'm saving for something else, and I've always wanted to do something contemporary, and what better way to dip my feet into the pool, so to speak, but in a novella? It's a shorter forum, I can test my skills and I won't be forced to stretch something that I'm not to sure of. And there is NO suspense, NO "sex jobs", and NO icky things passed off as kinky. But bondage is nice. LOL.

2004-07-17T07:08:00.000-07:00
Well, this has totally boosted my confidence as well as showed me why I feel as though BLTN needs to be written. Of course, the title of this book is very similar to Victoria Holt's Mistress of Mellyn, as well as the cover looking as though it fits on a vampire romance, but hey, it's a gothic and it's set in Victorian era San Francisco, and I will snap it up.

And speaking of Victorian era. I went to bed early in order to wake up early in order to be first in line at the library Book sale, only, my brain isn't used to shutting itself off at 12 or 1 am, so I woke up at 5 am and my brain started going, going and was gone. And what came out of it, but three delicious connected Victorian-era romances that I feel uber-excited over. The running theme for all three of them is respectability, and how it doesn't need to run one's life.

I just love romances where the hero or heroine is very straitlaced and their significant other opens them up, so to speak. It's always sexy.

But let me tell you something! I kept dreaming about Colin Farrell last night. It's crazy because I don't even likelike the guy. Sure, he's cute and all, but I'm not in alt over him the way some people are. Good grief, I think it's from watching too much Access Hollywood,Extra,Entertainment Tonight and E! <----as you can probably tell, I love celebrity gossip and knowing what's going on in the world of entertainment.

It's 7-something-am right now, and that Library Sale isn't for another two hours. My mom was laughing at me because I'mm excited over buying Books. I can't help it, I love reading. And that's a good thing!

2004-07-16T21:42:00.000-07:00
I feel happy today.

Early this morning, I wrote the prologue and then a few hours ago, I finished the first chapter of Beauty Like The Night. And now, I am feeling the urge to write the second chapter.

But I just deleted the second post I wrote about putting this MS on the back burner and starting on another. Both times, after I wrote them and posted them, something happened to boost my confidence in the story, and I had to delete the post because it was completely irrelevent. I'm thinking that it is a sign that this book is meant to be.

But I am also not going to stress myself out over this story the way I have been in the past. By pacing myself for the next two weeks, I feel that this story is going to come out very nicely.

AND! I am also going to work on a few different ideas when I'm not working on that aforementioned story to keep my "muse" fresh, as forcing myself not to throw my entire TLC into this story and not being inspired enough to work on another great story idea.

Yesterday, I visited Pamela Britton's website and am absolutely amazed at the fact that she has books scheduled all the way to 2007!! It's amazing that 2007 is only three years away, and I will be 23, and will hopefully have at least four books under my belt--therfore fufilling my vow to my classmates when I signed their yearbooks before graduation: "save this autograph for when I get famous within five years!". Of course, I signed my real name instead of this pen name, but I'm sure that I'll find some way of getting famous under my given name.

And my mind is cemented on obtaining an agent first. Not only do the publishers seem to be tightening their belts-so to speak-on unagented and unsolicited submissions, but if a person isn't able to grab some face to face time with an editor before sending a submission off, email interaction with one is rather weak in comparison. PLUS, not only does pursuing editors take up tons of time that you could use to write, but if you exhaust your avenues with a MS that an agent accepts, you've shot yourself in the foot. So, I'm going to pursue my targeted agents and let everything roll from there.

And I'm excited about tommorow because I'm going to a library book sale and hope to grab lots of romances as well as research books.

2004-07-15T19:39:00.000-07:00
Yes, I'm back. But this is the last post for the day, I swear!

But does anyone else have plots and characters,etc, but put them on the backburner because the story isn't coming to them?

I may be nearing the breaking point with this story. On one hand, I'm scared that I may be getting too technical with the story, which is why it isn't coming out correctly; but on the other hand, I don't want this to stress me out when I could work on a story that came to me like water through a spigot.

But I don't want to put this story aside because I love the premise: a spin on the classic "gothic" theme of the hero being accused of killing his wife, except with my twist, it's "what if the wife comes back"?

But then, the day before yesterday, before I went to bed, I had a spurt of inspiration and typed out the main antagonists, the conflict(INT & EXT) and the premise. And that idea is a total 180 from the one mentioned above. 1) it's humorous 2) it's set in Victorian England 3)the hero is a reformed rake.

Talk about writing to the formula, you know!! But I didn't come up with it for the forumla, it just came to me. But NOW, I'm wondering whether I should scrap feeling guilty over the possibility of shelving that first story idea and working on the second.

And THEN, it's like...the second book is more marketable to those pesky editor's minds, but I don't want to get stuck writing humorous and light historicals, when I have darker stuff boiling on the back burner.

Doesn't it seem that I spend most of my time talking about writing INSTEAD of writing? Well, I don't, I just spend my time fiddling with plotting and characters and writing shorts or exerpts to keep my skill fresh--I just haven't written on a planned ST length MS since late May/early June.

But here are my main troubles:
1) I don't want to stress myself out
2) I don't want to stress myself out over nothing
3) I don't want to stress myself out over nothing and end up wasting tons of time that I could be writing

And also, the whole time period thing. Start with a traditional setting, gain following, and then hit everyone with the new setting. Or start with new setting and gain following for writing in a different setting.

I think I need to go for a walk; really.

2004-07-15T11:26:00.000-07:00
I've been on the quest for the perfect critique group for a while. At this moment, I am a member of FOUR different groups. The first one, is more of a general critique group, with tons of people on it. The second one, I'm a tad disappointed with it because there aren't enough participating people on it, as well as the people I expected to be in the group aren't even in it. With the third and fourth, I just joined them, and I'm just checking them out. The 3rd one is rather informal, and everyone seems to be writing in one genre, and with the 4th one, there seems to be a good mix of people.

But I'm still disatisfied. Why? Because I am looking for a group with veteran authors-unpublished and published as well as a nice mix of beginning, intermediate and advance authors. I don't need a group with tons of people--10 or less is good--and everyone doesn't need to be published, but I want a group that will challenge me, push me higher as well as provide comraderie of some sort. I'm the sort of person that writes every single day for a set number of hours, and I would love to find a group with people just like me, and I haven't found it yet.

If I was a member of RWA, I'm sure this would be alot easier, but I'm not, so everything I do, is online--to be everlasting chagrin! I don't want to start one because it wouldn't have that mixture I wanted, so I'm searching.

But I nearly forgot that the RWA conference is in two weeks or so. I wish I could go--I'm counting on attending 2005's as a published author,hehe--and I hope all that do attend will bring back lots of information for us poor folks that aren't able to attend.

2004-07-15T10:04:00.000-07:00
My computer is so slow, I can't go to everyone's blogs and reciprocate for the wonderful comments they put on my blog--unless I want to spend hours sitting before my screen waiting for things to load. So I am going to make it a habit to visit two blogs everyday I post and comment on them. Sounds fair, non?

The e-pub debate is being held on one of my writing loops. But OK, here is my own PERSONAL take on the subject. Feel free to disagree, but don't flame me because I did put my disclaimer above.

E-pubs are a delightful place for people to shop their MS's after it's been rejected by all of the major NY publishers and/or agents. Some writer's of e-pub heartily defend their publisher with unofficial quotes such as "they take things that are outside of the box", "e-pubs give you freedom to write the books of your heart", "sometimes, NY houses overlook the best MS's, but e-pubs will take it", Or the doozy "some e-pub authors have crossed over to print publishers"

Now, those are paraphrased quotes from arguments I've heard on the net. And here's my opinion. Unless you are writing romantica or erotica, you are not going to make tons of money, and those authors that did cross over, wrote ROMANTICA. I have yet to hear of a non-romantica/erotica author crossing over to a NY house. And for the book of your heart, outside-of-the-box,etc stuff: First of all, queries and cover letters and synopsis' boil down to ONE thing: MARKETING.

If you are writing to the best of your ability and beyond, and you market your "out of the box" MS very,very well, you will probably be able to get it pass the editors and marketing directors. So that argument is flaky at best.

The problem I have with e-publishers, is that it condones mediocrity. Say you wrote a 80,000 word Regency Pirate story, revised it, got it critique by your group/partner, wrote all that good stuff like query letter,etc and sent it off to some agents and editors. Everyone says No. Okay, you're down in the dumps and think you can't write. Then you hear about an e-press from a friend or colleague and about how much that pub has done for their career. And you go "I'll send it to them!". They read it, give you a couple revisions and Bam, you're published. But just wait...what if a year or more down the road, your writing is super and excellent, and upon reading that first MS is pure garbage and you don't know how the heck it got published.

E-pubs feed vanity IMO. It's human nature to block out the bad and take that one good as the gospel truth and everyone else can go hang. I'm sorry, but it is, and if you have been writing for years and you have your walls plastered with rejection letters, and each round of rejections don't step up levels (form, form with quick note from rejectee, form with suggestions, form with note to send something else, handwritten letter, handwritten letter saying that they liked your voice,style,etc), then you are not learning anything or growing as a writer. So of course, being accepting by someone feeds your bruised ego, and that is all I think e-pubs do.

I'm not slamming e-pubs, or saying that they need to be shut down, but I am being realistic. When you make the decision to write and be an author, this isn't something that you dabble with from time to time, or brandish your rejection letters as a sign of being a "real author"(If the ratio between rejections and rejected MS's is unproportionate, I don't buy that line of thinking at all), this is art, but most of all, it's a business.

But on a lighter note, I deleted that pity-party from yesterday because as soon as I pressed "publish", I was over that mood. I am happy with how the B&TB plotting is going. Yesterday I had the biggest epiphany as I was reading some of the writing articles I printed from the internet a few months ago. For the past few months, I have been so excited about my goals and my ideas and my characters, that I completely forgot about the CRAFT. I know that it is left-over residue from my high school days, when I was able to BS my way through writing and public speaking assignments. All throughout my school years, I was able to coast through my classes without having any structure to my writing or speaking. My debate class was starting to correct that, but then I moved to another state and my new school didn't have a Debate class. So ever since then, I haven't had to work hard at writing, but with writing novels, there is a structure to a novel that can't be broken until you know the rules, and I glossed over the rules after reading a couple "How-to" books.

Now my MS's didn't suck, far from it, and I can come up with a plot, conflict and main protagonists/antagonists like that. But pulling it all together to make it a readable and credible story without going off into unknown tangents was killing me. And I am so happy for my epiphany because it felt as though a weight was lifted from my brain and my heart and I feel more confident in my work and myself.

I know everyone has probably heard about the shake-up with Harlequin. Isn't it dramatic? Because if Harlequin is shaking-up, what is the future of romance? Of course, most of the other non-catagory houses were shook up with all the mergers four or five years ago, but Harlequin was the backbone of the romance industry. Not that it impacts me at all--I was never going to submit to HH--but it affects other aspiring authors. I think that the shake-up is Harlequin's fault though, if they were doing their jobs correctly, they would know how to fuse their older audience with their younger audience(and I hesitate to say Blaze is young and hip, because most of the authors are over 30(I'm not saying that's old, just older than the target audience), because the Blaze's I have read were a tad bit stodgy). All that secret baby-cowboy-sheik-millionaire--uber-Harlequin-fantasy world was annoying me to no ends, and I don't even read them!

Brenda Hiatt posted her Show Me the Money article, and apparently, cick-lit authors get very high advances. That sounds great to me because I have some chick-lit ideas floating around in my mind. But it is interesting to see the money listed for Avon as compared to Bantam. Is it because Avon has so many authors bringing money in, that they can put money out? Or are those figures non-representative of what is truly going on--because who knows who volunteered their salary-JQ and other NYT bestsellers could be the ones to have done it--but it's interesting.

2004-07-14T01:14:00.000-07:00
I don't know why I keep sending e-queries out to this one publisher. Wait, yes I do. It's because I can send it through email at no cost to me that I do it, as well as the hopes of "what if".

Now, I sent off a query in April and the editor emailed me back saying that she didn't like the heroine being an actress because in Regency times, actresses were prostitutes. I do admit that after looking at what I sent off, the wording could have been strong and more "blurby", but that rationalization for rejecting it baffled me! I don't know how many frickin Regencies(trads as well) that have featured faux-courtesan or actress heroines! Obviously, that editor is not up on the ball game.

This one that I just recieved today was a doozy. Once again, I am impetuous and the query I sent wasn't blurby enough and lacked impact, but whatever, I just send them because I can--not that I don't take my career seriously, but sometimes, I like taking chances with things. But here's what the editor said in response:

"Thank you for the opportunity to consider BEAUTY LIKE THE NIGHT. Regretfully, however, I do not feel your proposed story idea is strong enough for ------'s list. A historical romance set in France is a tough sell these days, and I'm afraid that having an amnesiac heroine is too cliché. You may also wish to reconsider your hero and make him less tragic and more sexy."

Now, I know the way I proposed my story was weak, but come ON! The last I looked, fiction was about the STORY, not on the time setting! I know that Regency historicals are the thing, but most people buy historical romances because they are set in historical settings. Yes, some people have time period snobbery, but ultimately, the story sells the book. And the amnesiac heroine? A cliché? The last time I checked, I have only seen ONE amnesiac heroine in their back list within the last 4-5 years or so. And the editor wanting the hero to be less tragic really shows how much the editors at that publishing house only like looking at fun,bubbly,non-issued characters!

And OMG, one of that editor's author's had a tragic hero in her latest release, so what is that editor talking about? But because of that, I am fed up with that house. I probably would send a snail mail query but not tell them about the time period just to see what happens, but at this moment, I am NOT actively pursuing them as a suitable house for me. It is apparent that they only wish to acquire authors who write books exactly like the books they already have and I am not going to sink my career by being a clone.

But what is this trend for frothy books? I'm not some angst-ridden person or an angsty writer, but I like books that have meat on them most of the time and hardly anyone is delivering! Even some of the authors that had darker tones to their books are lighting up or even switching to a different genre of romance to write light and frothy. Does our/their buying habits reflect what is going on in the world? Do readers want fun books because of the social situation(9/11...Iraq..Al-Quaida,etc)? It's not that I want these emotionally exhausting reads, but I like internal and external conflicts set against sensual & rich historical backgrounds. Marsha Canham is retiring for the moment, Teresa Medeiros isn't writing dark because her mother is ill, Judith Ivory has lightened a bit from her earlier books and then she puts out books sporadically, Betina Krahn has lightened up so much from her earlier releases that it's as though I'm reading books by a different author, the wonderful Iris Johansen doesn't even do historicals anymore, and so on and so on.

As an author aspiring to be published by a major published house, I'm nibbling on my nails a bit. I can do fun stuff because I'm a fun person, but I don't want the situation to become too focused on fun books where characterization suffers drastically--which has been the case with alot of books put out by newer authors. I know it's a money thing with authors as well as publishers, but if this becomes a big money making machine, will the heart go out of romance?

2004-07-13T18:37:00.000-07:00
Thanks to the generous and wonderful Kelly, I have delved deeper and deeper beyond the surface of my characters and their internal and external conflict. Why the heck wasn't I doing this a long time ago!!? Oh yeah, I was being a writing bum.

There should be some sort of penalty for being a writing bum. I can write a story, I can. Make a h/h, make a plot, a general conflict and a bunch of scenes and voila, there's my story. I have two or three completed MS's on my hard drive just like that, and I figured out why I didn't like them after I was finished: they lacked real "substance". If I had polished them up and had them critiqued,etc, I could have sent them out to agents or editors, but then I probably would have either a) recieved a pile of rejections or b) gotten accepted, but my first book would be horrendous. And I don't want to do that to my future readers OR myself.

So now this week is going to be used for this in depth plotting(off schedule darn it) and then the last two weeks of July will be the first draft. Ten days is how I used to write before I took that break, so I know I can do it, but I had counted on the extra week's time to pace myself. Oh well. But the reason why I don't want to extend the first draft into August is because my mind will probably go haywire because it is on this infernal "clock" all of the time, and each day always counts!

I also figured out that I had so many elements as part of the plot, that they were making it hard for me to figure out where to begin. But now, all of that is straightened out and I'm satisfied.

On the AAR list, they've been talking about buying habits and after reading posts where people expressed their dissatisfaction with their purchases, it caused me to wonder what everyone is dissatisfied with? As a writer, this is important to me in case the atmosphere of 2005 and beyond is that buyers stay away from new authors without any buzz or good reviews.

Is it because the quality of new authors aren't living up to expectations?

Veteran authors not putting out the quality they used to produce?

Too much of the same thing out there(regencies,NavySeals,romantic suspense,etc)?

Or is it all of the above?

I tend to buy books sporadically based on either buzz, interesting plot lines, or trusted author. As well as the fact that I only started reading "romances" two-three years ago, so I haven't been able to see the trends in terms of a year by year basis like alot of other people. So what's up?

2004-07-12T15:35:00.000-07:00
Does anyone else feel guilty when they don't write when they are supposed to?

Because I do, and no matter how much I rationalize my reasons, I still feel bad for not sticking to my schedule. I started to write my MS on saturday. Woke up on sunday and hated everything I wrote. Erased most of it, and wrote it again. Went to bed hating everything I wrote on sunday. Fell asleep with new revisions on the story and then woke up feeling crazed because the new beginning, changed the entire story around-elements,pacing,characters,etc. So now, I have to re-plot and re-brainstorm everything.

I'm not stressed out, just feeling harried and wondering when does it end! Amanda gave me a link to the Snowflake plotting method and I recieved Beverly Brandt's plotting template in the mail today, so when the delightful Kelly Mcclymer returns, she is going to brainstorm with me. I think someone should start some sort of brainstorming loop or something, because doing it on your own is frustrating sometimes.

But I've reconsidered entering the Great Agent Hunt. I found an agent, Kristen Nelson--who also represents Paula Reed--as well as a few others. I don't really want to be with one of the "big" agents because on one hand, even though they have tons of experience and work with some of the best, their view with new submissions is colored by the fact that they do work with the best, so they will read a submission unconciously, automatically expecting your work to be top-top NYT bestseller writing. And hey, I could do that, I know I could--if I re-wrote every word fifty million times. But a smaller, yet reputable person will have the time to nurture you and help you grow even further in your career.

I added Amanda's blog as well as Ellen Fisher's to the sidebar. I love blogs, I am such a nosy person that I have to know what everyone is doing.

2004-07-10T16:54:00.000-07:00
I'm in a frickin Catch 22 situation!!

Over the past three-four months, I have been trying to find a plotting technique that works for me. 1) Jane Austen style plotting that I took from Julie Beard's Idiot's Guide book: I used this technique, which is good for the major turning points in the book(hey, I finally figured out what the hell a turning point is, I think) and sat down in April and wrote a MS. That went straight to hell. As soon as I reached the last 30,000 words or so of a 100,000 word WIP, everything fell apart! And then I had to scrap large parts of the book and by then, I was through with that WIP.

Then, I found Lisa Gardner's 3x5 plotting technique on her website and have been trying that out. But then Alison Kent posted about her plotting techniques and put a link to Beverly Brandt's plotting technique and now I am in a state of mutiny!!

When I first started writing, I checked out all of the "how-to" books and all that jazz, but as I started to write, I found that those books hindered instead of helped me because whenever I started to read them, I wondered whether I was doing everything wrong. And so when I get to technical with my writing, I can't do it. I sat down yesterday and typed out 1,000 words for the Brava contest with no character sheets and just the names and sketchy background and current occupation of the main protagonists and it just flowed out.

But here's the Catch 22. If I don't have guides to write, I will ramble and will go off track and the characters will end up in a smoky speakeasy in the 30's and the book is set in 1780--because my mind works like Six Degrees of Separation(one thing will trigger off something that will then trigger off something else...I am really good at that game, but it isn't good for writing). So if I don't have things written down and/or plotting cards, the book won't get written. But my mind is so mutinous when it thinks about actual "techniques".

I am still trying to figure out HOW to combat this because I am still in the midst of plotting that damn book that I have been plotting for TWO WEEKS! and I feel stifled by it, therefore, I procrastinate. And procrastination is bad because I am scheduled to start writing on monday. But the main thing that is hindering me is the fact that I have cards with scenes on it, but I'm wondering how the real product will come out. I know, I know, I know!! Write it already! And I have a critique group...HA, I just joined another one, but I am such a fretter and I drive myself crazy.

But what kills me is the whole..."why do they fall in love?" thing. Gah! I need to block these things from my mind and let it come out how it comes out and be damned.

On a lighter note though, I was entranced by Laura Lee Guhrke's "To Dream Again". My previous experiences with LLG(The Charade & Guilty Pleasures) were not good. I'd give the books solid B's, but they didn't have the heart that I felt behind TDA. I kept telling myself one more chapter and I'll go to bed, but TDA was so engrossing, I had to read it to the end. Now that is the sort of book I want to write(I won't start again...lol), and it has reversed my wary opinion of LLG and makes me want to go down the street and get that copy of "Breathless" that I put back.

Alison Kent posted about her disatisfaction with the RWA in her blog today. Even though I'm not a member and would join just because everyone else is, I do have to say that I'm not impressed with anything that has to do with them. Not only is the price steep for sources I can obtain on my own or through my writing loops, but my local chapter is Snoozeville compared to alot of the other chapters and I wouldn't shell out 30-40 dollars for my chapter when it won't do anything for me(can you get a tax write off though?). The only thing I see benefiting me with joining the RWA is reduced fees for the annual conference. The RITA is good if you need something to put on your book cover if you haven't hit one of the best selling lists, but it seems as though the same people either win or are finalists every year. I'm not saying that a person like Nora Roberts doesn't deserve it, but she has so many awards and accolades, does she really need something as paltry as the RITA award? The woman made 60 frickin million dollars last year and has #1 NYT bestseller on her books instead of just plain NYT Bestseller like everyone else.

And what exactly is the duty of the RWA? Writing contests, networking and retreats/conferences aside? Do they do publicity for authors? If you know everything about your own editor/agent/publisher, what else can they do for you? Personally, I think they were great for that period when the internet and those writer's market books didn't exist, but right now, I think they are really for beginner writers and maybe,just maybe published authors who are above the radar. But all of us in between(intermediate-advanced unpubbed authors and pubbed authors below the radar), we fall through the wayside with them.

2004-07-08T18:42:00.000-07:00
My plate is full right now.

I'm going to be putting the finishing touches in plotting this novel tentatively titled "Beauty Like The Night", while sketching character pages for the exerpt of the story I'm going to be submitting to the Brava contest, as well as two other plots that are loosely connected to the first novel. Everything is set in the 18th century, so the only extra research I'll have to do is the geographical and customs type things--New Orelans, London, Naples,etc. And a chick-lit idea I had festering in my mind.

I discovered why I had such an apathetic attitude towards chick-lit/contemporary romances: #1: I read some bad Harlequins and #2: none of the protagonists act like any 20 something person I know. And as I spend more and more time at different authors websites, I realize that these women are approaching 20 something women and men from their own perspective. Yes, they probably get input from their children or friend's children,etc, but when writing, you mainly draw from your own experiences. And while people are still people regardless of what century, decade, millinium it is, being 20 something in 2004 is vastly different from being 20 something in the 80's, 70's, etc.

I find myself laughing in disbelief when I read about 20-something year old virgins who aren't Christian or Mormon or any other religion/belief where physical chastity is part of the basis of their beliefs. I mean, even if you've never had sex, you at least can understand things and jokes,etc, but the women in the romances are complete innocents! It's impossible unless you grew up in a backwards, isolated community--which these women certainly are not because the books are in cities and towns. But it's crazy. I think the romance genre is a tiny bit stifling because the hero and heroine are supposed to end up with each other and only be with each other throughout the course of the book. So when I read about an inexperienced, virgin, innocent heroine finding true love and happiness with the hero--the only man she's ever dated or been with, it makes me wonder what sort of planet the book was set on.

I'm not trying to say that my generation has low morals and everyone must be experienced and cynical in the ways of love, but those types of plots/characters are really, really out there in terms of reality. Even though at first, I didn't read chick-lit because alot of them were about ultr-rich,spoiled socialites or young women not making alot yet spending tons on shoes, I can believe those books as a reflection of 20 something-early 30 something than straight contemporary romances.

And erotic romances. Mrs. Giggles waxed eloquently on that subject nicely. I've read some Blazes and some historical Bravas, and while I fairly liked some of the Blazes that were written by authors who write ST and Susan Johnson's Bravas and regular historicals, with the rest of them, I am left cold. The definition of erotic is: of causing sexual love; esp tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement. To me, that equates passion! In some of them, erotic means having lots of sex and saying curse words while they're having lots of sex.

OMG, that is not erotic. That is just reading about people having lots of sex. The foreplay and exchanges between characters when they aren't having sex is boring and flat, so when they get it on, it leaves one feeling as though they are looking upon something interesting, but not ultimately hot. The sexiest part of a man's body to me is his hands and how he moves them. But the "hot" books I've read don't even dwell on the tiniest details that makes a person physically attracted to someone--even someone's laugh can be erotic. But I guess alot of authors don't get that.

2004-07-07T06:09:00.000-07:00
I'm skeptical about author endorsements on the front covers now. I just read this review on AAR that gave the book an F, yet the author endorsment on the cover is estatic about the book and calling the author a refreshing new talent. And I have read some wallbangers that had endorsements from my favorite authors.I'm not saying that they should be done away with--I'm sure they influence some consumer's opinon upon buying the book--but is the endorsing author being for real? I mean, I know I would adore to have Teresa Medeiros or Betina Krahn or Marsha Canham endorse my book whenever it comes out, but I do believe that I would want the FULL and TRUTHFUL report of what they truly felt along with the glowing endorsement sentence. Because if we are coddled by reviewers, how would we grow as authors? Which is why I love sites like Mrs. Giggles and AAR. I know it's going to hurt if/when I get a not so great review, but I'll use it as a learning experience and learn not to repeat mistakes that readers felt were weak spots in my book. Of course, I would never allow myself to pass a substandard book from my hands to my editors hands because not only would I be ruining my career from the starting line, but I would be cheating myself as well as my future fans.

And I'm having second thoughts about Kensington. While they are at the bottom of the heap when it comes to quality, Paula Reed's cover and time period show that perhaps K has more lenience than a bigger house. Not to say that Berkley and St Martin's Press aren't my number 1 and 2 priority, I'm just not going to shut Kensington out like I was going to previously. Now Dorchester, I have given up on them from a long time ago--ever since I saw the Katie MacAlister cover that had a woman's neck and a band-aid superimposed over it like they used MS Paint to copy and paste the band-aid. It was horrible. And then, their covers look all fuzzy and dim. *shudder*

But I do know that I am obsessed with all things French now. Something that has come back to me upon discovering that Jennifer Blake was coming out with a new historical trilogy set in New Orleans. I ADORE Jennifer Blake's books(not her contemps though), you can't comprehend how much I love her books. Even though they were written in the 80's, they had none of the more sordid aspects of that era. They are sensual, lush, seductive and out and out dramatic set against the sweet decadence of historical New Orleans society. I am definitely going to set some books there. Without a doubt.

But coming back to Kensington--I do have to get it in there that Paula Reed has a mulatto heroine in her November book(perfection! I loved mixed race characters--NOT "half breeds"--because I can fully identify with them)--I am revising my Brava contest idea because that one was way too tame and this plot has been sticking to my brain for a while. I've always been fascinated with the legal system and court cases(I've always wanted to be able to say "He's Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!" or "You can't handle the truth!" because I am melodramatic that way lol) and I've always wanted to know how historical lawyers worked. The plot is a secret--hopefully you'll be able to read it in the Brava contest, if not, I'll post it somewhere for you to read--because it is so smoking hot I don't know if I'd jinx it if I posted it here. But it's stewing in my brain at this moment.

2004-07-06T03:52:00.000-07:00
I am going to enter Lori Foster's Brava contest with a variation of the Blaze idea I had--but it's going to be a historical, because I find that I have to work even harder to gain my contemporary voice. It would be nice if I won as well as gaining the Brava contract because then, my foot would be in the door and it would open the door for other publishing houses. And I do think that writing romantica historicals would be fun, because most of my plots are very sexy and tend to have heroes and heroines that aren't of the norm. Plus, romantica has core followers and perhaps I would be able to write in non-traditional settings that a traditional romance imprint wouldn't trust as much coming from an unknown author.

But whoa,whoa,whoa. I had the weirdest coincidence as I was reading a book called "Life in the French Country House"--research for my book--it says that there was a real life Beauty and the Beast couple in 18th century France--Vicomte & Vicomtesse de La Chastre--that lived in a chateau called Monts. Now is that a sign or what? Not only is my plot based off of Beauty and the Beast, it is in 18th C France and the hero is a Vicomte!

I found a new author--Paula Reed at Mrs. Giggles review site. Now, she gave the book a 78 or something--that is at least a high C--but the book is not only a pirate book, but is set in the 17th century, which is enough to make me want to try her out. Now, bear in mind, it is published by Zebra, but the setting is enough to induce me to buy it. And the cover is not too bad either. Is Kensington trying to get rid of their reputation perhaps? And the book is only 3.99. They must be trying hard.

2004-07-04T15:39:00.000-07:00
Is there some sort of frickin rule that says you have to like every single member of your family? Just because you are related by blood to someone all of the sudden you should express love and friendship with them? My mom has recently reconnected with her father's family and while it's cool and all--because my family(mom,me and two brothers) have always been on our own--but I don't feel interested and connected to them the way I was with my mom's sisters when we finally met them for the first time 6 years ago. And since last Thanksgiving, whenever there's a major holiday, they ask us to visit them. I am so bored whenever I go down there. I'm 20 years old and the cousin closest to my age is 26, but she's married and has a kid and then, the last time I went down there, she totally slammed my writing and career asperations and lifestyle--in the nicest way though. All I do down there is sit on a couch and twiddle my thumbs as I try my hardest to pretend that I am enjoying myself.

But when I say I don't want to go, my family acts as though I'm the horriblest person in the world because I don't like being around people. And it is so frustrating because you aren't required to be around people you don't particularly care for, but when they are family, you're expected to love them and be friends. First of all, I'm not one of those huggy-huggy people even with my friends because to me, physical touch is a sign of trust--so, if I touch you, you can probably figure out that I like you. And now, it makes me feel all guilty because if I continue to not go, they'll think I don't like them and/or think I am better than them! That is not the case; it's just that I am not feeling them the way they feel me. Because of my past, and numerous other situations with relatives, family does not make me feel warm fuzzies and eagerness to meet them. The only reason why I took to my mom's sisters is because they didn't pounce on me, expecting me to be the bubbliest person in the world to be meeting them--which is exactly how the aunt that is closest to my age(she's 28) is, so we all got along really well over the years. But these new relatives, they no doubt had a normal, functional upbringing, so they expect everyone to be just like them. It's frustrating as I said before.

But on a lighter note, I am reading this spectacular biography about Aphra Behn, a woman playwright,poet,spy and author during the Restoration era who broke free of the bonds that were placed on women to become successful in the world of the London literary circle. She, and La Maupin are two 17th century women who defied conventions while still struggling to balance their feminine identity. I admire them both greatly and would love to write a book based on either of them.

I added some more blogs to the sidebar, so go check em out.

2004-07-04T02:17:00.000-07:00
On friday, I was able to write out characters sheets for each of the known characters in my historical/paranormal series and it turned out excellent. I used a tiny bit of Buffyverse(Joss Whedon's Buffy universe for all of you non Buffy-philes) and then added some of my own interpretations in the mix. My heroine; Francesca Witherspoon is a spinster heiress(she created herself without any help!) with death in her past and has been reluctantly dragged into the world of vampire(and monster) slaying by a mysterious French/Scottish man named Alasdair de la Tour(keeping France in the mix!), who is also a slayer. Cuz see, in my world, there's a male and a female slayer called in each generation. It's set in the early 1800's--pre Regency and post Napoleon(which is why I have this wonderful book about France under Naploeon as well as some memoirs of his court) because I wanted to stay close to the 18th century, but not in crazy hoops. But that's all I have for now, I'm going to focus on my 18th C france story because switching between third and first person would mess me up.

And today, it clicked. My story that is. I have character sheets and mynotecards, but nothing was connecting because I was trying to make my story something it was not: Judy Cuevas dark to the 10th degree. I can't write like that regardless of how much I want to. Even though I have a cynical and distrustful attitude towards people a good amount of the time and "get" people within moments of meeting or talking to them, I am not an exposer of the sordid side of the human spirit. Yeah, I don't want my characters to be perfect and bubbly, but I don't want my book to be a cynical romance because that is depressing sometimes. So, I injected humor and sexiness into the book that it previously lacked. And I am very humorous when I want to be and I find that is what comes out in my writing! I don't know, is cynicism my id and humor my ego? Blech, I won't get into that here, it's way too personal, but I am surprised when a scene comes out more humorous than I had thought it was going to be.

Reading Recommendation: The Golden Tulip by Rosalind Laker.
It's set in 17th century Holland and centered around the lives of three sisters and their gambling,drunken artists father. It may sound like women's fiction on that short liner, but it is one of those epic, 80's romances without the domineering hero and submissive heroine. It is full of history,romance,humor,sensualness and love. Read it!

2004-07-02T13:56:00.000-07:00
I have to get this out of my system before I get to other things: I am addicted to Real World,Newlyweds and the Ashlee Simpson show. But my younger brother is probably more; he watches the repeats all the time. And I just found out that RW/RR has a blog, so I'm adding that link as well as the link to the Best Week Ever Blog(my other favorite snarky show) to the links section. And if anyone else has a blog and/or website, feel free to email me for me to add it.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming:

I am really impressed with the sheer volume of books Katie MacAlister puts out each year. Not only does she write historicals, but her paranormals: the Dragon Huntress and the Moravian series, but her regular contemporaries and her YA novels:which are three series' in itself! I want to be just like that. Perhaps not the volume, but I'd have my historicals, my historical paranormal series and my contemporaries(ST and maybe catagories). I believe that diversity is the key to success in this industry, if you want to survive and get up to the bestseller lists. I do believe that the days of writing only historicals and becoming USA Today and NYT bestselling authors has passed, and in order for us newbies to carve a spot out for ourselves, we'll have to spread our wings. As well as finding you own niche that will be your trademark writing style(or styles if your voice changes with different genre's).

But I am considering starting either a yahoogroups or a YG Newsletter to promote the 18th century to other readers and writers alike, because if publishers see that there is a demand for books that are set PRIOR to the Regency, they will be more amenable to supply it. Of course, I wouldn't run it by myself, I'd probably take France and fashion and other people could take, say, America,Italy,Russia,Scotland and England. And maybe Ireland because no one ever writes in that country either. But I'm trying to find some people that would be interested in helping me with this.

2004-07-02T00:32:00.000-07:00
I started a firestorm on one of my writing loops. Historical accuracy.

Now, I didn't mean for it to start, I merely wanted to know why historical innacuracy irritated the heck out of people. But it turned into statements about each person's stance. Now for me, I love history, so I only read historical romances--not to "escape" from the current world, but because I love history. I love researching for my novels because I like learning about different countries and customs. But what turns me off with this long hashed arguement is when the people that enjoy history-lite books, or might not do intense, intense research are treated as though their brains don't function as well as other people who enjoy 99% historical accuracy. The thing that keeps popping up with this is that we demean the romance industry when historical romances aren't accurate. I'm sorry, but regardless of whatever happens within the genre, we will never get the respect we deserve. Romance deals with emotions and sexuality and in a way, we are a cynical and psuedo-repressed society that has been programmed to publicly decry love and softer emotions and to turn your nose up at excessive sexuality as something dirty. No matter how much the RWA campaigns, or readers and authors make snappy comeback's, the romance genre will always make people nervous.

Now, on the historical accuracy in historical romances, I do love history, but that doesn't mean I know everything about all countries. So when I'm reading, say, a medieval set in Scotland, if something is wrong, I don't know unless it has been pointed out to me prior to reading the said book, or if my eye has come across something disputing it before I picked up the book. Not to say that I take everything in historical romances as the gospel truth, but reading them helped me to better understand what the hell I was supposed to be learning in my AP European History class. Because when I would read a romance set in a certain period, I would go to the library and check out a book on that period and because the romance was in an easier context, I was more able to understand something!

We, as the writer's that constantly get online bemoan the authors that get published that don't get their facts straight, but to me, it makes us seem just like people who say the government sucks, but don't even vote! Are we saying these things to the people that matter? Are holding the current bestselling historical authors who write history-lite accountable for what they are doing? Are we even trying to raise awareness in the normal romance buyer who doesn't even think about historical accuracy? No. Now these things have been coming to me as I write them and I feel strong enough to put myself out there, but is anyone else? Is the romance genre so full of kiss-butt's that we are scared to call our authors out on something the way other genre's of fiction do? Is it because we are women and women are used to dissembling? I don't know, but nothing will change until we raise the banner and do something instead of grumbling to ourselves.

Phew, my soapbox is caved in now. I know for a fact that the reason why I feel so strongly about this is because of my african-american ancestors who lifted their voices against injustice. Not that this is something that dire, but things don't change by under the breath mumblings. They change by shouts.

But right now, I do believe that you shouldn't hate the player(the author), hate the game(the publishers that allow historical inaccuracy to slide by). Maybe the reason why historically accurate books aren't being published because the romance historian is either a) not up to publisher standards(don't even argue about that) or b) they were so pretentious with their knowledge that they bored the editor.

And THEN, nearly all books that are being published are Regency-set historicals, and most of them are light and airy in tone and conveys that the history doesn't matter because the Regency period was fun,fun,fun and nothing bad happened except for the wars--but that was on another continent. It is that genre that is killing the historical romance and the accuracy bid. Not counting traditional regencies, I can get a one page list(back and front) that lists books that aren't your typical bluestocking/beautiful debutante meets rake/spy/noble/aristocratic hero meeting and falling in love during the season. The plots don't deviate, so the historical time period becomes a moot point. I do believe that it will rise when authors write in OTHER periods. But if you don't have to think of the setting anymore--because you've been writing in it for so long--except for the clothes and the date you put at the beginning of the novel, it's easy to fall into a history-lite pattern.

Don't flame me, but I think it's laziness on that author's part. You're not going to grow as an author if you don't get out of your comfort zone. A while ago, I asked authors whether they'd write in other time periods, and to read between the lines, I saw a HUGE no. It's that old "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" mentality that is slugging the genre into the grave. An editor's job is cut in half if they see on the cover that "oh, it's a Regency set historical" because they don't have to think about the period or try and get a feel for it because it's been rehashed so many times, it feels like your old ratty houserobe that you loll about the house in on the weekends. That is NOTT a good thing. There is a big difference between comfort entertainment and real entertainment. When you look at all the most loved movies out there, it is the innovative ones that are on the lists, not the movies that rehashed formulas and in a lazy way.

This post has gotten longer than I realized, but I have alot to say and when I get published, I know for a fact that I won't churn out a book a year and sit back on my laurels and not be on point not only with my writing, but with publishers and my fellow authors--unpublished and published. Perhaps alot of people won't like what I've said, but we need to be real, like Mrs. Giggles said, the romance genre is way too nice and false.

2004-07-01T23:43:00.000-07:00
In the words of 50 Cent: "Go shorty, it's ya birthday, we're gonna party like it's ya birthday, we're gonna sip Bacardi like it's ya birthday, and you know that we don't give a f*** if it's ya birthday!"

Yes, at 11:58 pm, I will officially be TWENTY. Yay. Even though I feel sort of old. But I'm 20, and I'll have fun! Now I have to change that side thingy to say "post-teenage", because that is what I am. I don't think you're truly an adult until you either a) have kids or b) get married or c) pay a mortgage or d) all or any of the above.

But today I went to the library and traded all my Louis XIV books for Louis XVI. I did think that I wanted to set this book pre-American Revolution as well as Pre-French Revolution, but I am in the midst of reading a book by Bernier about France,Naples and America from 1770-1790 and it is so fascinating. I also went to the Sacramento Room(hush hush, rare books room in the library) and studied this text that was published in 1870 about the entire 18th century. Man, I wish I had that book because it is so freakin awesome. Perhaps I'll find it somewhere.

2004-06-30T00:38:00.000-07:00
It's already hard enough to research 18th century France, but it is even harder to find books set before the reign of Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette and/or the Revolution, so, I am at a standoff. I keep telling myself that I don't have to keep my books in the same decade--Regency writers jump around within the first thirty years or so of the 1800's, so why can't I? I'm thinking it has to do with connected books and my brain being computed to want my books to connect in some sort of way. But I don't want to be in France and England before the American and French Revolutions, but there are either lots of books on the reign of Louis XIV(sun king), or there are lots of books on Louis XVI, and hardly any in between. And it is frustrating. I know that if I had money, I could just go to ebay and amazon.com and snap, have those books I need, but of course I don't have the resources to do this.

And then, it also comes down to a marketing sort of thing. I want France, I do, but would an English setting gain more attention on sellability than a France set one? And then, I am a "new author" that has no track record, and seeing how France is the "kiss of death", should I write the first two books in a more traditional setting and then spring the non-traditional settings afterwards? It is a case of writing what I want and writing to sell a book. That infernal balance that plagues unknown authors.

And THEN, this book is darker and sensual in tone, but the other books that I am thinking of that are to be loosely linked to this one are sensual and humorous like Betina Krahn's old books. Lydia Joyce said that her publishers want her to write two more gothics, but what if the second book was a quasi-humourous-sensual gothic? Gah! I know I am worrying about things that have yet to occur, but I always look down the road ahead because I believe that what you do today, will effect your tommorow and I don't want to be lost in the sauce from the get-go.

2004-06-28T22:00:00.000-07:00
OKAY, so I am going to do it!

Today, I kicked Mr. Procrastination in his butt and wrote out the character sheets of Seraphine,Bastien and Marie-Sara, as well as taking the plotting advice of Elizabeth Boyle and Lisa Gardner by writing down all of the scenes floating in my head on a bunch of notecards to be put in order later on. SO, I am going to use tommorow to plot my paranormal/historical series and wednesday to plot that Blaze/Temptation idea I have been putting off.

I'm not going to give everything away, but the paranormal/historical series is going to be Buffy-meets-Stephanie Plum-meets-Fanny Burney. I have the faint sketchings of the plot and the heroine(except for her marriage status--widow or debutante,widow or debutante? Or maybe even on the fringes of society because she writes!) I don't know, but I am still excited over this idea. I'm hoping that it will become like a Anita Blake/Sookie Stackhouse/Stephanie Plum sort of thing. And you KNOW that I will have a dark and sexy vampire that may or may not be the hero.

But the Blaze/Temptation idea(I'm torn between which line it is going to be. It depends on the hotness of the book. But then again, I heard that because of the Blaze line, and everyone trying to write for it, the Temptation line has lots of vacancies.) has been discussed before, so it doesn't need to be rehashed again.

Alot of people on my writing loop recieved rejections from Arabella Romances today or yesterday. I'm thinking that because they were swamped, they just cleared house. Two people have sold--one woman on the list wrote Dueling the Debutante--so it's not that they are rejecting everything. Word is, they have too many contemporary stories and not enough historicals. If that is the case, I may whip out a short story to introduce the aforementioned heroine in order to gain recognition to the character. And hey, not only is it a historical, but it is a paranormal--something else Arabella is looking for!

And, I am loving the 18th century. Well, not the smallpox and the unsanitary conditions and the poverty and the slavery--but everything else is cool! It is rather hard to find things on 18th century France that is pre-revolution, but I will do what I can. And hey, the 18th century--especially France--isn't as well known so I can fudge on things a bit. But I do think I shall stay here a while: America,England,France,Venice and Scotland.

2004-06-27T18:54:00.000-07:00
I feel surpremely ripped off.

Why? Two words: Black Silk.

I adored The Proposition and Untie My Heart and I assumed that Black Silk would be just as good. Well, you know what assume means. Now bear in mind, Black Silk doesn't suck. It's just a book that will rub you the wrong way if you go into it expecting it to be a "regular" romance.

This book is so not the typical romance novel and while I commend Judy Cuevas/Judith Ivory for taking a book to a different level, I am still disappointed.

I have the original version that was published under the Judy Cuevas name in 1993, so I am wondering what is the difference between this one and the reissued version, but that is a moot point. If you go into this book expecting the hero and heroine to recognize their attraction for each other within the first 5-7 chapters, then spend the remaining chapters doing things while fighting their love, you are totally off base. Not only the does the hero spend most of the book with his mistress, but the heroine doesn't even recognize her attraction to the hero until much,much later in the book.

The book starts off slow. Now with Judith Ivory, she has this odd/unique voice that if you are a very fast reader--like me--your eye will trip over sentences because you are used to a speedier pace in the paragraphs--that was a problem I had with the first three or four chapters of Untie My Heart. But the thing is, is that the book starts off slow and only speeds up about 10% throughout the remainder of the book. Basically, this book is a sort of day-day,week-week,month-month in the lives of Submit and Graham.

From the title(Black Silk) as well as the publisher's selling point on the back of the book (the most sensual romance of the year), you will be decieved. This book is as sensual as a toad. Submit and Graham don't kiss until the last third of the book and then the love scenes are within the last 40-50 pages. There were some bright,bright spots in the book that made me think that the pacing would speed up and the sensual romance come forth. But then it went back to its monotonous tone. If Judith had a chance to write this book over(and perhaps I should use the elements that I liked...it's not plagarism!!), those kernels would have made this book excellent. As it is, I would give this book an A for the level I was taken as well as the smooth,if boring voice and a D for the romance and plotting. Which comes out to a B.

AAR gave it two DIK reviews, but I think it was because they were overtaken by the luster of La Ivory and because everyone expects her books to be great(the same problem I have with Mary Balogh). Or maybe they knew what they were getting into and came to the book with no preconcieved expectations. But I tend to agree with Mrs. Giggles' grade of 88.

This isn't Ivory's best book, and if you do end up reading it, expect to read a book that is more of fiction with romantic elements than a romance book.

2004-06-26T17:08:00.000-07:00
As you can see, I finally got around to adding links to my blog. There are a good amount of author blogs out there, but I only added the ones I visit on a regular basis.

I'm hearing some good things in the publishing world: gothics are back! Well, maybe not the Victoria Holt type gothics that I love, but whatever I can get, I'll take. And on the plus-plus side, the book that I am working on now is sort of gothic(YAY). As I was saying in my last post, I will write to accomodate the market, but slide my own thing in along with it. But the thing is, I wasn't even planning on writing a gothic-ish book, it just happened to come out like that. Could that be a sign that it is my time? Hmm.

But anyways, I found a new author website, Sylvia Day. She has a blog, which is always good because I am a nosy person. But it also makes me want my own website to be up. Not that I have lots of stuff to put on it, but it's the principle of the matter.

My writing schedule is going to be much,much looser than before. Writing for two weeks straight not only cramps my hands, but it pushes my brain a bit too hard. So, I am going to write this story over the entire month of July. Not only to keep the creativity flowing through my brain, but to keep myself from pressuring myself to get this story out and therefore, mess it up on accident. I also think that I shall use my time off to write some other stories I've been putting off for the past two months.

2004-06-25T01:13:00.000-07:00
I am now fully able to immerse myself in the world of Louis XIV...

...and nearly cleared the French section of the library out too. On top of grabbing bios on Louis XIV, his brother, his sister in law, and his mistress; I grabbed letters by two members of the French court as well as the letters of the aforementioned sister in law to the king. I also grabbed some interior books. As well as some French fairy tale books. And I couldn't resist grabbing a few books about 18th century France(including a book with Marie-Antoinette's letters) and a book on what France was like under Napoleon(because I've always wondered and no one ever touches it.). I had to refrain myself from touching books on Venice and consoled myself with a quick re-read of one of my favorite Rosaline Laker's: The Venetian Mask. But I will get there somehow, someway. I was thinking of having one of my heroines be and opera singer....hmm. And also, during that time period, France expelled all the Huegonots(french protestants) and some fled to the Netherlands, American and Britain. So there's some plots there too. Isn't this wonderful?

I've come to terms with this time period. I don't want to be like everyone else--in anything. And then, it's like this: how do they know what the market wants if they've never tested it? Of course the market is going to say that Regency set historicals are the thing if that is all that is being published. But seriously, when I submit, I am going to sneak the time period and setting under the radar. I really think I shall stay in France too.

I did get to read three of the books I bought: The Hostage Bride, The Souvenir Countess and The Proposition. All get big fat B+'s from me. There were a few tiny tweaks that caused them to slip from A's, but I am very satisfied with my purchases at this point. I don't think I shall read "Beast" just yet, because my story is based off of Beauty and the Beast(Cupid and Psyche as well, and a Jill Tattersal book) and I don't want elements from Judith Ivory's story creeping into my book--because things like that happen with me from time to time(and not just writing, I can mimic a singer's voice near perfect[I can SING on my own though],stuff in that vein)

But anyways, I shall reading those research books and listening to my Esthero CD.

2004-06-24T01:08:00.000-07:00
Fast tidbit:

I'm planning on writing a very loosely linked series. By loosely, I mean that: it isn't going to a family and it's not going to be a group of friends that vow something corny or other. Characters that make cameos in certain books might get their own book. That's how I am going to do it. Making books into an actual "series" always inhibits me--because I don't like to read books and know that they are a "series" because 9 times out of ten, the series is based on something corny--especially the ones where the men vow to never marry. Whoohoo, such suspense there. It's a frickin romance so you know they are going to marry. I wouldn't mind that premise, it's just that most of those premises aren't executed very well, because as soon as the hero meets the heroine, he's in lust with her. Good grief, why can't he abhor her or something? But that's neither here nor there.

In my research, I discovered that in the late 17th-early 18th centuries in France, fairy tales were all the rage in the aristocratic circles. So, I am going to use fairy tales as the basis's of my linked stories. Oh, I'm not going to be obvious by using the Disney-ish fairy tales, but am going to read each one that was written by a French person and find one that fits with my plots. The one that I am working on is based off of Beauty and the Beast. <---Yes, Disney made that movie, and I love it, but my interpretation is darker and is going to be closer to the roots of the true version.

I'm not sure whether I shall be cracking open a Grimm fairy tale, because they are GRIM, but who knows?

2004-06-22T19:10:00.000-07:00
I don't usually post twice in one day, but I had to. I just had to. Is it a epidemic of ugly covers for Avon Romantic Treasure Authors? I have yet to see Julianne Maclean's, but Laura Lee Guhrke's and Linda Needham's covers are atrocious. I mean, Linda Needham's back cover is passable, but the front; it is HIDeous. Laura Lee's cover for Guilty Pleasures was pretty--even though that shirtless picture was rather ugly, but it had something to do with the story so, whatever--and the colors were nice. But for her latest one, the colors are UGLY. Come on, what was the art department thinking putting periwinkle blue and yellow-orange together? I know that blue and orange are complimentary colors, but that doesn't mean they go together like peanut butter and jelly. Ugh, I don't know whether I will be able to read either one of those books unless I bind the covers. Hopefully, the back picture on Laura Lee's book will make up for the front cover.

2004-06-22T16:40:00.000-07:00
I went to my local used book store and picked up 8 books--some of them I bought because I've been hearing alot about them:

Lynsay Sands-Bliss (I'd been wanting to check this out from my library, but they didn't have it)

Jane Feather-The Hostage Bride (I've read the 2nd and 3rd of the series and adored them[note to self: buy those two], so I picked up the first in the trilogy.)

Betina Krahn-The Last Bachelor (I've heard so many great things about this book by my favorite author.)

Anne Stuart-A Rose At Midnight (LLB said that this was one of Anne Stuart's best from Avon, so I picked it up. Another thing that made me gravitate towards this book is because I LOVED Prince of Swords.)

Joanna Novins-The Souvenir Countess (When it first came out my eye kept dropping onto it, but I didn't have any money, so, I bought it second hand.)

Judy Cuevas-Black Silk (I've read Untie My Heart and loved it, I tried to read Sleeping Beauty but couldn't get into it [note to self; try it again], so I wanted to try her again)

Judith Ivory-Beast

Judith Ivory- The Proposition

That is a nice haul for 12 dollars. The thing that I've noticed is, that during the interim of not writing, my subject/writing/voice/whatever has gotten a bit darker than before. I'm probably not as "dark" as Judith Ivory or Anne Stuart, but I'm not Julia Quinn or Karen Hawkins--even though I've never been them anyways--but it seems that writing books set in France has made the tone darker than setting it in England. Hm, that is so weird.

But speaking of reading, I read--and am still entralled with--Iris Johanson's Lion's Bride. I can't even describe why and how I love this book. It is so emotional and suspenseful and sexy. That is exactly how I want to write. If you haven't read that book, go read it now.

I'm also trying to find Michele Hauf books that were published by Zebra, but I know it will be a tough find, but I like tough finds, how else would I have dug through piles of books to find Betina Krahn's Avon's?

But I am going to try to get to the library--for the third time--to trade in these medieval books and get the Louis XIV era books,lol. I am crazy. I think I might also pick up some Restoration England books as well even though I'm thinking that the French set books will be in the late 17th century, which is after Charles' death and into William and Mary and Anne's reigns. But we'll see how that works out.

2004-06-19T01:57:00.000-07:00
I'm not even going to apologize for skipping around time periods and ideas. And you know why? Because I just realized that that is how my mind works and how I brainstorm. It's like a science experiment. You test the hypothosis on a number of variables to see whether you were correct. Or something like that, I haven't taken a science class in three years. But anyways, I have this artist's mind that as to take things apart and try to fit them somewhere. And then the fact that I love history so much, that whenever something historical catches my eye, I get ultra excited about that time period or idea before I realize that I don't have a plot. Which brings me back to now. France is still in to some extent, but medieval is out. I'm going to set the series in either 17th or 18th century France. The heroines are still going to be fighters, but in a more civilized world. Now, if I am to set these books in France, I am going to have to search,search,search because history books about France are so hard to find in the library. I'm thinking that that is the reason why most historical romances are set in the Britis Isles-an abundance of research books. But if that doesn't work fully, I have to wing it.

But I'm mulling over how to fit these women into society. Should they be bodyguards/governesses? Or Jack(Jane)'s of all trade? I'm not sure. I'm going to have to think long and hard over this.

But anyways, the ultra darling Mima is going to be designing my site for me--which is being hosted at the horrific geocities at the moment because my comp is so slow and I didn't feel like waiting half an hour to set a new server up--and it is going to be lovely. I know it is. The funny thing about having a website for me being an author, is that I am still in fansite mode. As in, I view my website as the fansites I run/ran. It's so odd not to have to need buttons and banners and stuff. Hmph. Oh well.

2004-06-17T17:13:00.000-07:00
This is such a rip off.

I watched the second season of "America's Next Top Model" religiously. Partly because nothing else was on, I like reality tv, and the show had to do with the fashion world. I had just pondered that they should have a contest like that for Fashion Designers. And lo and behold, when I was watching Access Hollywood last night, I saw that Heidi Klum was hosting that exact sort of contest. Not only was I mad because I-usually in the know-did not know a thing about it. So, I moseyed on over to the website and another bombshell: you have to be 21! Now, I will be 21 next year, but if they hold the tryouts at the same dates they did this year(in June), I'd have to wait until 2006 because my birthday is in July. I'm disgruntled now. But oh well, there's still GenART, even though I have to wait for the 2005 contest to start up.

Goodness I have so much art stuff going on in my life.

But with the writing, it is a fight to yank my brain from the Regency pattern and into other time periods because I've read so many, and all of the new releases that are coming out are Regencies. So its trying to find backlists in order to submerse myself as well as reading history books. It is so hard, dangit.

2004-06-16T17:57:00.000-07:00
We live in a sexist society...

What brought this fact home to me was when my friend brought up the movie "The Notebook", which is based on a "romance" novel by Nicholas Sparks. It has been an ongoing battle for us romance writers and readers to gain respect for the genre, but when a man writes it, everyone praises it. Nicholas Sparks and James Patterson are two male writers who write romance, but they don't call it that. But it is still romance. Don't tell me that TN isn't a romance story because it is.

But the world is sexist. I bet you that none of the excellent,excellent romance novels published over the past twenty years will ever see the light of day on a Hollywood producer's desk. And how fair is that? Not fair at all. It really makes me disgruntled.

But anyways, I am still trying to get to the library to check out some research books. I hate not having a car or liscence and I hate not having any money. Oh well. I'm still trying to figure out where to place my story. Changing the nationalities of the hero and heroine isn't going to happen because they argue with me whenever I try to, but there is a large span of time during the High Middle Ages when the English and the French were at odds, but I'm torn whether to set it during Henry II-John's reign or in the 14th century. Which brings me back to needing to get to the library. Dangit.

2004-06-14T17:10:00.000-07:00
Condescend: verb to assume an air of superiority.

A certain person of my aquaintance subjects me(and sometimes other people as well) to this attitude. My fatal flaw had blinded me to this to some extent, but now that it's been applied to me three times, my blinders are off. (Perhaps I can write the songs that have been nagging at my brain for a while now that I am in a sufficient rant mood.)

My fatal flaw: wanting to be friends with people that seem to be "cool" in order to have some of their shine rub off on me. It's abated somewhat from my school years, but it is still there. It comes from being marginally accepted by people ever since I was in kindergarten. I'm a pretty confident person other than that. But in each of my interests, my fatal flaw comes forth. Whether it be fashion, writing, painting, musical instruments or songwriting/poetry, it assails me. Remind me to work on that.

But getting back to the main subject. That said person has always been condescending and superior, and I think that their recent success has gone even more to their head. First of all, I would like to say thank you to that person for giving me permission to make up historical facts and circumstances for the sake of fiction. <---That was sarcasm if you didn't catch that.

What am I talking about? I'm talking about that medieval series I've been babbling about over the past few days. I've been struggling with the heroine's name and so I asked a few people on a writing group I'm on for help in picking a name from the small list I compiled. And our resident royal ruler responded. Not to help me out, but to ask what story the name was for. I let it slide, on the slim chance assuming that they wanted to know what the story was about in order to obtain the context of the story.

You know that is not what happened. The Royal(that is what I am going to call that person) only asked that in order to tell me in the next post that 1) Female knights didn't exist and 2) why would I write a story based on that.

1) Not only did I get the story idea when I found refrences to female knights on the internet, but hello? Joan of Arc, as well as the fact that there have been strong and/or warrior heroine's in some of the medievals I've read.

2) Who is The Royal? The storyline police? Is because they are a contracted author, they have the last say on what should be written and what shouldn't be?

I thought that the purpose of the group was to uplift each other, not put others down in some sort of ego, unconcious effort to feel as though one is better than the others. The Royal is one of those people, that when you succeed, you just show your success and don't even rub it in because they are just so very wrong.

When I first came into contact with The Royal, I respected them and their talent as well as their tenacity and work ethics. But now, knowing them a tiny bit more intimatly, that respect is gone. I don't even think I'd feel right in supporting their career if they feel the need to be subtly nasty to others. It's just as bad as that other NYT bestselling author who slammed into me over something so stupid.

But now that I look back, The Royal's entrance into my aquaintance is suspect. I don't know whether The Royal had just joined, or had been lurking, but all I know, is that when they first posted on the writing loop they didn't do what everyone else did ("Hi, my name is such and such, I write such and such, writing history,etc.) The Royal's first post was to tell everyone that they finaled in a prestigous contest. Yay. I'm happy for ya. But couldn't The Royal have told it in a less smug manner?

I truly feel that The Royal needs to step back and assess their motives as well as their personality or they will end up alone and alienated. Sure, everyone's mission in life doesn't have to be to win the world, but if your attitude is horrible, it just does and it needs to be altered.

The second time I'd been condecended to, I was angry and was having serious doubts over staying with the group. This third time has me on the tip of the ice berg. I'm going to wait out another week or so and if I get The Royal Treatment once more, I am out of there. Being subtly snubbed and slammed isn't what I'm looking for in a writing group.

2004-06-14T00:50:00.000-07:00
Take a Breather...

When is the line drawn between submitting everything you write and "collecting" rejection letters?

I personally have only submitted two query letters to Avon--who accepts email query submissions. Great for those who aren't exactly plump in the pockets--and have gotten rejected on both times only because I hadn't fully studied the art of crafting a great query letter. I've yet to submit to an agent because I want to come to one with a publisher's deal on the table.

BUT, is there a reason that you have to submit everything you write for a learning experience? I have 6 or so unfinished MS's and 4 finished ones that I know are crappy. But why would I submit them and get rejected, therefore messing up the lines of communication between me and an editor or me and an agent just to say that I've submitted to someone? I want to submit when I am positive that I am at my top performance at the moment.

I don't consider 80+ or so rejections to be something to commend someone over. If that person hadn't jumped the gun and felt as though they didn't accomplish anything just because they haven't submitted it to an editor/agent, they wouldn't have gotten rejected. I'd say that they deserved it for not honing their craft and not studying the market down to the minute detail.

And truthfully, I am a little leery of someone who has been writing for 5+ years and has nothing but rejections to show for it. It is obvious that 1) you haven't paid the slightest bit of attention to the letters and/or 2) being an author might not be your call in life.

Sure, people bring up the multi-million dollar best sellers who were rejected hundreds of times before someone took a chance on them. But firstly, the publishing market was 100% different in the 80's, 70's, 60's and back then they are now. I mean, even 5-7 years ago, the market wasn't as tight as it is now. The Historical romance genre was still flourishing. The chick lit craze had just started, traditional regencies were garnering 3,000 dollar advances(according to the '97 publication of "How to Write A Romance"). So with that, you cannot even compare your career with people like Stephen King or Nora Roberts,etc. Secondly, everyone's path to publication is going to be different because we are all different people.

By now, some of you may think that I am some know it all sitting here and telling you what to do when I haven't even done it. But that is the point of my post. When is too much submitting too much? Why not start another manuscript and see whether your writing has improved between that first story and that second story? For the past 9 months, I have done that. Finish one. Start another. Back to back to back(I quit school to write full time BTW). And as I look back on my stories and my plotting, I have come a very,very long way in a short time and am very pleased that I didn't get anxious and jump the gun.

My advice is to take a breather and remember that your path isn't everyone else's path and that if you keep looking at what everyone else is doing, you'll psych yourself out and/or write tons of "drivel" because you want to play catch up with people that are further along in their career than you are. I struggled with that during the beginning of this year when I kept reading about what everyone else was doing and wishing that I was there. I am going to be there, but rushing it and forcing myself to get there will only amount to headaches and pages of writing that you know deep down isn't your best work.

2004-06-10T15:43:00.000-07:00
I feel like the BIGGEST loser in the world right now.

Why? Not only because of the fact that my mind leaps from plot idea to plot idea, but the plot I am working on now, keeps leaping from time period to time period. It keeps skipping from restoration england to medieval and back. The main problem I KNOW, is that I am frustrated by the fact that I have no idea what went on in a day to day basis in Restoration London because there is so little sourcework available. Sure, I've checked out a good amount of books on the subject, but it isn't enough. The majority of the books I have are mainly on the religious and social history of Stuart England with a moderate emphasis on the Restoration era. But I don't want to screw this up. And by my having this large hole in my research, my plotting keeps stalling and I can't fill in the gaps between the scenes inside of my head.

People say "write at the scenes you see", but not only can I not do it, but I feel as though I am floundering because I have no freakin clue how the story is going to end. None whatsoever. All of the other novels I've plotted and wrote I saw the end. But this, I can't and it is so maddening. I don't want to go ask the people in my writing loops because they'd probably take it as I'm a spaz and I shall never write, just be stuck in the plotting/idea loop for the rest of my life!!!

What doesn't help, is that I want to write in all of these different time periods, and have sketches of plots for them, but because I can't see the end of a few of them, I feel so indicisive. It is just so frustrating. Especially when I have these different genres floating about in my head. Not only do I have straight historical romance plots, but my paranormal historical series, BUT this black chick lit idea that popped into my head as I was going to sleep two nights ago. I want to write them. I do. But nothing is meshing in my head, or sticking in my head.

1) Restoration plots (2)
2) Georgian America/England plots (3)
3) Medieval plots (1--actually, I got inspired by the Kinley McG, Betina Krahn and Jocelyn Kelly series' as well as this site I found on female knights.)
4) Victorian plots (2)
5) Regency plots (2)
6) Black chick lit plot
7) Paranormal historical series

I'm so torn on what to write because there are gaps. But here are the plots that are at the top of my mind:

1) Restoration spy
2) Georgian Boston thief/con
3) Female knights in medieval england

I feel so bad because I haven't written a thing since the second to last week of May because the Darius/Maxine story Wore Me Out. Should I take this month off? Because I've been writing for 8 months straight--since last november or so and maybe the strain(mental and physical) is finally catching up on me.

My birthday is July 1(20th) and I'm wondering whether July is my month. My month for good luck or something. I had this dream like...two months ago where I found 1020 dollars in Ralph's. Numbers mean things alot, and I'm wondering whether 10/20 is the date I sell. Or 1+0+2+0=3? I dunno. Things like that are so subjective. But I'm not going to stress and stress about this or the headache that has been hounding me will intensify and stress leads to high blood pressure and HBP can lead to death. And I'm not trying to die just because of some writing.

Oh well...I'm just going to plot and chill possible.

2004-06-08T17:39:00.000-07:00
Kinley MacGregor's bio has really motivated me. I'm also out of that plotting funk that I had been sunk in for the past week thank the Lord and am totally refreshed.

The way I can tell that this MS that I am plotting is completely different, is that scenes are floating about in my mind and all I have to do is piece them together. Not just plot scenes, but dialogues, movements,etc. It is stupendous and I just know that this story will be so, so good.

I also have the starts of three other plots; another Restoration and two Georgians(American & England) that I am excited about. I think that if I can, I will do like a few of the bestselling authors(Kinley,Teresa,Jane,Betina) and jump around through time periods. I don't want to be stifled by writing in one set period because it will grow stale and my inspiration will dry up.

ALSO, as I was surfing the AAR At The Back Fence message board, I was suddenly struck with this idea that had been culminating in the back of my head for a long time. We were discussing Vampire HEA--which I don't buy at all, which is why I cannot read vampire romances--and whether they were plausible, as well as how strifling the vampire romance is. And so, I love BTVS and I love historicals, so...why not combine them? If/When I do this, I know I am definitely going to do a Kinley/Sherrilyn type thing, except that the vampire novels will be a series with the same heroine and possible hero-sort of like Stephanie Plum in the historical era. Fun Fun Fun. But I'm going to have to finish writing at least two Restorations or One Restoration and One Georgian.

But right now, I am just thankful to God that my mind is working again. And read Kinley's bio, it is really inspiring.